why does it seem like I'm always stuck in the same place when it comes to my depression

[missmiseery]

I mean, after I gave up on my attempt and spent like 3 months doing small amounts of coke to get through every day, everything was getting better, but yet I feel like I'm stuck in life and I could be my solutions just doesn't work. I mean, I have a friend whose father died and she's moving on, doing great in university, she's back at church, and I'm stuck, I can't start new projects at uni, I can't seem to have a routine again, I barely have an appetite and sometimes I eat once a day and I don't like exercising enough to do it every day, like it's some kind of fate that I'll always be fucked up like that or be in things that are self-destructive for myself. I just wanted to feel like I'm not some disgusting piece of shit who deserves the worst always.

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

routine is important, are you still going to university?

 

[missmiseery]

routine is important, are you still going to university?

I'm on vacation now but yeah I'm going when I'm having classes

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

I'm on vacation now but yeah I'm going when I'm having classes

thats good.

Please never compare yourself to others if you can help it, its just wasted effort. don't feel like you're lesser because you feel stagnant. we all can get to where we are going eventually, it does take effort though. you posted in recovery so it seems like a part of you wants to get better, and you're going to school! that's a WHOLE lot more than what others are doing these days. if i can offer one piece of advice: please don't procrastinate on your assignments. it's something i wish i would have taken to heart when i was early on in university, and i had a hell of a time because of it.

just know that i know how you feel. i could be in a much better place right now if i had just taken steps before, but that's the thing, i'm taking steps now (better late than never), and if i can do it so can you! (trust me im lazy as hell lol)

if you ever need someone to listen DM me if you ever feel the need :)

 

[odeiomarxpqnli]

thats good.

Please never compare yourself to others if you can help it, its just wasted effort. don't feel like you're lesser because you feel stagnant. we all can get to where we are going eventually, it does take effort though. you posted in recovery so it seems like a part of you wants to get better, and you're going to school! that's a WHOLE lot more than what others are doing these days. if i can offer one piece of advice: please don't procrastinate on your assignments. it's something i wish i would have taken to heart when i was early on in university, and i had a hell of a time because of it.

just know that i know how you feel. i could be in a much better place right now if i had just taken steps before, but that's the thing, i'm taking steps now (better late than never), and if i can do it so can you! (trust me im lazy as hell lol)

if you ever need someone to listen DM me if you ever feel the need :)

As Hardcore_Henry said, you're doing well and you'll make it!

I believe no one can speak for you because each case is unique, but what helped me with my overall drug addiction (drinking, sniffing, and smoking daily, even at work and school) was starting to face life as it is. The truth is, we constantly go through problems; it's inherent to life. We'll always be screwed in some way, and using drugs doesn't really change that. In fact, it often makes things worse. What helps me get through it is always trying to find a "why" in what I'm going through—making my suffering "worth it."

Working, studying, going through tough situations are things that will be part of our entire existence, but it becomes bearable when you attach some kind of "meaning" to it. I hate my job (I hate working in general), but unfortunately, I have to do it because if I don't, I won't be able to achieve other things like traveling or living alone, for example. This is simply facing a fact of life: things are bad, but they become bearable when you understand that you have to go through them to get somewhere.

This "somewhere" is not standardized, and everyone has to create their own meanings through their own experiences. In my view, the very search for meaning can justify my suffering. I don't see the point of having money, a house, or children, going to parties, etc. I still haven't found something that gives meaning to my life, and I understand that it might not actually exist. But the very possibility of thinking about it and experiencing things that I can only do through the things tied to "living" (work, studies, problems, etc.) is enough to give a kind of meaning to what I'm going through.

Like... the fact is, I'll never be able to move out of my parents' house if I'm not working. So, I stop seeing work just as "work" and start seeing it as something that allows me to be independent. Consequently, sniffing cocaine no longer makes sense because it's something that prevented me from both working and achieving a kind of independence to continue this "search for meaning." I gave just a personal example, but don't limit yourself to that: the only person who can give meaning to the things you do/stop doing is yourself, whether they are good or bad.

I hope you can establish things that make your suffering/problems worthwhile, even if it's the pursuit of your "self." You're already succeeding for trying; don't let life's hardships make you think otherwise!