Venting Why does it have to be so hard

[sximii]

It seems when you're not suicidal everything can kill you, like staying in a hot car or eating too many cherry seeds and stupid shit like that but when you're actually so desperate and suicidal you realize just how hard dying really is. I wish I could just snap my fingers and die right now why do I have to fucking do this I don't deserve it I never did anything bad oh my fucking god why. I have my SN source and everything is perfect, it's pure and it's cheap and ships to where I live but the dumbass fucking thing only takes PayPal which I don't fucking have it's right at my fingertips yet I can't get it. Why does my body want to live why can't it be that if my brain wants something I can just control my body and I'm acting like if I rant enough it's gonna do something and it won't. I feel so helpless because why is this so difficult. Psych hospitals 5 times because it never fucking works and everyone is so dead set on keeping me alive it's just not fucking fair. I'm so helpless it's my own body why can't I be able to control it this is so fucking frustrating why am I like this why is the world like this I don't know what I want. I just wanna escape but I can't escape I'm trapped and there's nothing I can do

 

[Ksavagedie]

It seems when you're not suicidal everything can kill you, like staying in a hot car or eating too many cherry seeds and stupid shit like that but when you're actually so desperate and suicidal you realize just how hard dying really is. I wish I could just snap my fingers and die right now why do I have to fucking do this I don't deserve it I never did anything bad oh my fucking god why. I have my SN source and everything is perfect, it's pure and it's cheap and ships to where I live but the dumbass fucking thing only takes PayPal which I don't fucking have it's right at my fingertips yet I can't get it. Why does my body want to live why can't it be that if my brain wants something I can just control my body and I'm acting like if I rant enough it's gonna do something and it won't. I feel so helpless because why is this so difficult. Psych hospitals 5 times because it never fucking works and everyone is so dead set on keeping me alive it's just not fucking fair. I'm so helpless it's my own body why can't I be able to control it this is so fucking frustrating why am I like this why is the world like this I don't know what I want. I just wanna escape but I can't escape I'm trapped and there's nothing I can do

I empathize with you. I feel the same way. I can't get my hands on SN and I know that sleeping pills won't work because I've tried it before. People who haven't experience this constant ache and pain in the heart, don't understand how hard it is. I want to pass on so badly but don't have the courage to do it unless I know for sure it will work this time. Sending you a hug.

 

[GoSan1]

Interesting way of thinking. People living normal lives sometimes fear death strongly, but death is just a thing of either chance or time.

There is nothing we can do besides hoping that after everything ends we get what we want by whatever means. That is the only thing I can do at least.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling trapped in this existence, it feels so cruel to me how it's so difficult to be permanently free from this existence, I always wish for the option to just simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again and I just find it so dreadful how I cannot just have that. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[truede4th]

i am chronically ill so i feel very very guilty for making my family suffer and making them spend money and time on me and also my doctors who spend so much time on me when I don't even want to live. they can spend all these resources on someone else who's actually a good person and wants to live. i have nothing to live for, i don't want to be a problem for anyone but me dying will also be such an inconvenience to people. i dont want that