Why does ctb have to be so hard

[copioushopelessness]

I was just smoking a cigarette outside near the train tracks. It goes faster at night. During the day it's so slow. There was a cop waiting at the light. I started crying when it passed wishing I had just done it. It's not my preferred method. Who would prefer that method, and no I don't want to traumatize anyone involved. It wasn't a plan I didn't know it was coming, I happened to be outside near it at the time.
Months ago I threw away my preferred method thinking I was going to give life another chance but everything keeps getting worse and I'm getting sicker. Having a hard time finding it again, the person I got it from is in jail...
I have many health problems, life problems and extreme trauma. Ruined further by medication I wish I never started. Brain damage.
I thought I found sn but I guess it's the wrong source. I'm so desperate.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Because our governments are bastards who rather enjoy raping minor girls than giving us a humane way out by legalizing Nembutal for everyone by respecting our damn wish to end our life. All a suicidal person is left with is isolation because he can't talk openly about it without ending in a psych ward and the other sad thing is the suicidal person is forced to use a horrible method. Yes in my opinion nearly all methods are horrible and no one should have to die like that but instead peacefully in a warm bed while listening one final time to his favorite song but no governments don't allow this who tf are they to decide about the life of millions of people ? Well as I said they are nothing else than some pedo bastards with some power.