Why does ctb feel harder as I get older?

[Ambivalent1]

I used to be more sure about it. Ironically, my life was better then. Now it's harder to decide and yet it should be easy given that my life is worse.

 

[Meteora]

Maybe because you know more, are more experienced?

 

[Ambivalent1]

Maybe because you know more, are more experienced?

I don't understand why that would affect the decision. I know more but so what?

Maybe because you know more, are more experienced?

One thought that used to help motivate me was "You won't care about any of this ever again one second after you die." Why is that not helpful anymore?

I wonder if I only feel comfortable with suicide during times when my life isn't truly terrible but only somewhat. Right now, it's leaning toward terrible and I just want to fix it but can't.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I used to be more sure about it. Ironically, my life was better then. Now it's harder to decide and yet it should be easy given that my life is worse.

I feel the same way life was way better then and WAY worse now yet it´s harder. I don´t think this is the reason but I often thought about how sure I used to be about ctb but now at almost age 30 I feel like I kid myself that I will never ctb because I didn´t do it any of the countless other times in my life where I was sure I would do it but I sure hope I will get the courage to do it someday soon instead of just keep fantasizing about it.

 

[Endofit]

For me it evolved pretty quick from feeling ready to aknowleging that I'm probably not able to do it. My life is getting worse yet realisation that I can't end it is becoming stronger day by day. It's a terrible feeling.

 

[Olisop21.]

I wish I could CTB right now. I'm a coward.

 

[Meteora]

I don't understand why that would affect the decision. I know more but so what?

Most people tend to be more impulsively when they're younger.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Did you make any actual attempts when you were younger? Maybe it's more that it was passive ideation back then. I think passive ideation is much easier- even enjoyable- the idea of being dead and free without having to actually plan and go through the process of it.

When you start actually thinking about what you're going to have to risk and what you may have to put yourself through to gain release, it becomes a whole lot scarier I think. Plus, sites such as this tend to urge us to be cautious I think- we're more aware of attempts failing and the aftermath. Maybe it's better in terms of keeping your nerve to be naive. Not wise in the long-run I feel though. I think it's better to research why attempts fail so we give ourselves the best chances of a clean exit.