Venting Why does being a person feel so difficult?

[goodbye-to-a-world]

In all the ways. Physically, mentally, socially. I just feel like I'm having to try so hard to be like everyone else and I'm still failing. I've stopped taking care of myself, I don't leave my house, my insurance has lapsed so no more therapy or medical appointments (not that they really helped anyway). Right now I just wanna scream and rip my skin off. I'm so aware of being inside my body and it's so uncomfortable. Just existing right now feels so wrong. I don't know how much of my physical troubles are in my head or actual issues and I can't afford to get it checked out. Not like it would do much anyway. I can't even afford proper food for myself and even having food, there are straight up just days where my body decides food is bad, actually and I can't eat no matter how hungry I am. I'm just so uncomfortable being a human. I'm so bad at it. I can't seem to get it right. Whenever I become aware of it, it just makes me spiral and I've been nothing but aware recently. I'm so over everything right now and I don't even have anything to knock me out so I at least won't feel it for a little while. I'm just feeling everything and it's so overwhelming.

 

[soul2realm]

I am so sorry for the pain you are in. It must be terrible! It simply adds up to that saying- why do bad things happen to good people? I wish a miracle happens in your life; I really do. But for now, try taking a breather, have a hot drink and just for a few moments let the world rot on its own. Sending you warm wishes and blessings.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

Because the world isn't really a hospitable place for sophont creatures. The caprices and vicissitudes of evolutionary fate led us here.

Some people fare better than others. I also suck at people-ing.

Baby steps. Try to think of yourself and your life in absolute terms without evoking others as models or comparisons.

 

[Kokonoe]

i know what you mean. i feel a lot of what you're describing so often and so strongly that i really don't like considering myself to even be human anymore, lol. it feels a lot more affirming or comforting to just be something like a doll. just a little less than human.

hopefully it all gets a little easier for you someday, or you find ways to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin ^-^

 

[Dejected 55]

Society and many people in that society are what makes being a person so difficult for the rest of us. People make it harder on themselves and then make it harder on everyone else... and by the time it trickles to you and me, it's hard to navigate anything. We don't live in a society where it is possible to do your own thing and be truly self-sufficient. Despite what the popular rhetoric is, you can do very little completely on your own and survive in the modern world. It's not possible, like it was many generations ago, to plop yourself down on a plot of land and grow your own food and build your own home and not owe things somehow to other people or need things supplied by other people.

So you end up being forced into interacting with a society designed to make it difficult on lots of people.