Discussion Why do you want to kill yourself?

[deathislove]

Personally, I'm still a minor but the decisions I have made are now the reason my parents can barely look me in the eye. For years I have been living in depression trying to do things I like and trying to feel like there's going to be a positive outcome to the suffering I go through every day. The emotional distress I find myself in is truly unbearable. I have no right to continue living because I am a waste of oxygen and a disgrace to my family. I have two younger sisters that have a whole life ahead of them though. And for that sole purpose I am waiting until I turn 18 to finally achieve the peace I desire. There has been a lot of trauma that has also led to this decision. This will not be my first attempt but it will be my most reasonable one. What are your motives?

 

[Sadlystillhere]

I want to kill myself because I am a failure to the world and honestly just make everyone's life miserable by just being here.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I failed in life. Made wrong decitions. Also I'm not healthy and I think I've lived enough. Never had luck with girls. And there are things I can't do due to chronic pain. I don't want experience anything else. I don't want to go on.

 

[HannahB]

Because I have seen how horrible humans are. I have seen that monsters do exist and they are people like my parents and yours and they control the world.

 

[Jean4]

9/11 related illnesses, depression, PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, having no friends or family, never leaving the apartment, Stan CTB last month.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

Because I can't think of any positive reasons to stay alive to be honest.

 

[OneBigBlur]

Fibromyalgia, never been happy in my life, trauma symptoms like constant fatigue and disassociation, an inability to function within society like hold a job, living with people I hate that abused me, and humanity being filled with mostly horrible people. Even despite all of that the main reason is loneliness and I'd tolerate it all if I had someone that'd treat me with love and wouldn't abandon me because I'm useless. I don't live in a fairy tale though, maybe in the afterlife.

 

[Nemeshisu]

Suffering from Childhood trauma, loneliness, having almost no friends, lack of any goal in life, inability to function in society due to my frequent panic attacks whenever I am outside, realization that all this suffering is rather pointless.

 

[R_N]

Because I'm unable to sleep.

 

[felix]

Brains ruined by meds can't get out my rut I'm in

 

[Freedom Believer]

I'm a failure to my family and I will never find success and happiness.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Wait. He ctbed after posting this? RIP

 

[terry_a_davis]

Because i would rather be dead than be completely alone, which will happen when my elderly parent dies. Life sucks even now but i won't ctb until the time is right ie they'll be no-one around to be upset that i've ctb.

I prioritize not hurting others over my wish to die but i appreciate that isn't possible with everyone as they maybe suffering more than i am.

 

[lmroch]

Childhood was raw violence, police looking over my bed weekly. At 18 I was FORCED to marry a boy, who was a draft dodger, hiding in hawaii to avoid going to Vietnam. Abuse started on the wedding night, lasting for hours, because I had a boyfriend before him, because I wasn't a virgin. I left after 16 years of abuse, he chose to destroy me, including giving me herpes from his visiting prostitutes. I was just an object, someone he dehumanized daily, I was just his slave. He was burning down the house (family) with his children inside. In the end, it became all about greed, and how much damage he could do. I always have been broken. No one has ever cared about me. I have no one in my life.

 

[FracturedSeraphim]

Mostly pain. I have fibromyalgia. Bone spurs too... A few of the other reasons relate to the various times I had been raped throughout life. Anxiety, PTSD, depression, insomnia... On top of that being an autistic single mother.

It's hard to just function my day to day. Someone even pats my shoulder and I tense up, this flairing my fibro, that in turn flairs my bone spurs, and from there I understand that now I'm weaker all because I panicked which then causes my anxiety to flair up, and because of that my PTSD decides it's time for a minor panic attack. Then later I can't sleep because my autism then makes me think about random things and so I'll reply something over and over again trying to figure out how to handle that situation better... That's just a pat on the shoulder. Because of the lack of sleep I look tired and sad the next day which neurotypicals seem to take as a reason to touch someone. Today I got a hug and nearly hit my manager. She saw I was struggling and was trying to comfort me... Imagine how the rest played out all because of a hug. I have to be very comfortable with someone before they can touch me. It's not impossible but difficult. By the end of most days I'm in tears because of pain. Mental and physical.

It's not worth living like this. So I will save up during my last month. Then I'll at least leave something behind to help out a little bit. I plan to CTB at the end of the month.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

Wait. He ctbed after posting this? RIP

I thought you had to be 18 to become a member here. He claims he was a minor. Might have been banned?

 

[Freedom Believer]

I thought you had to be 18 to become a member here. He claims he was a minor. Might have been banned?

Did he/she ever mention his/her age in previous posts because if they didn't that could be a reasonable explanation.

 

[lmroch]

Wait. He ctbed after posting this? RIP

I saw this person online earlier, with the crossed out name. I see others too, looking at some posts. Maybe @SinisterKid has answers.

 

[Squiddy]

Bipolar, BPD, anxiety and the fact that I feel incompetent

 

[4eyebiped]

Loneliness, failures, regrets, people, incompotence, ... The list goes on and on and none of you have enough popcorn to hear it all. The end result, accumulated and compounded over too much time, is a lump of worthless damaged goods.

 

[thelastchicken]

Childhood was raw violence, police looking over my bed weekly. At 18 I was FORCED to marry a boy, who was a draft dodger, hiding in hawaii to avoid going to Vietnam. Abuse started on the wedding night, lasting for hours, because I had a boyfriend before him, because I wasn't a virgin, including giving me herpes from his visiting prostitutes. I left after 16 years of abuse, he chose to destroy me. I was just an object, a non person he could dehumanize, I was just his slave. He was burning down the house (family) with his children. In the end, it became all about greed, and how much damage he could do. I always have been broken. No one has ever cared about me. I have no one in my life.

View attachment 23440

I wish I could give you a very very long hug...

Edit: if you're ok with hugs, of course

 

[mediocre]

It used to be because I had aspergers but I later learned to live with it. Now it's because I have developed so many physical health issues over the last few years and I've tried to get answers but no doctors want to help me. The healthcare system alone is enough to make me ctb. It's so cold and uncaring.

 

[lmroch]

I wish I could give you a very very long hug...

Thank You tears wetting my cheeks, reality is most of us have had is traumatic lives, damaging one's soul into foreverness.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Because I just don't wanna do it. It's that simple.

 

[porfin1234]

I quit job at place I loved, impulsively moved to new city and have totally complicated my life. Working a job now that I worry will be my last in my career. I can't do life on minimum wage poor and with thousands in hospital bills.

i also can't live with myself knowing what a full on moron I am (who quits their job atplace they've loved takes a paycut just because of some dumb parties they went to in a nearby city.Dumbest person alive)

 

[Mizzmini45]

I quit job at place I loved, impulsively moved to new city and have totally complicated my life. Working a job now that I worry will be my last in my career. I can't do life on minimum wage poor and with thousands in hospital bills.

i also can't live with myself knowing what a full on moron I am (who quits their job atplace they've loved takes a paycut just because of some dumb parties they went to in a nearby city.Dumbest person alive)

Are you having a quarter life crisis?

 

[porfin1234]

Are you having a quarter life crisis?

No... ive just lived a life delusional and stupid
In the past my delusions have been about men
Funny this time I remember saying "at least it's not a man.. it's a city I fell for"
Worse. Sacrificed it all.
When I realized it .. it was too late.
Now I'm terrified of making decisions. Can't trust myself.

 

[Donk]

got bullied alot as a kid as a result ive been dealing with depression and anxiety as long as i can remember. ive been taking citalopram for over 10 yrs and recently it stopped working. im tire of feeling depress. just wanna be free from this nightmare

 

[idecidewhen]

Has anyone read Leo Tolstoy "Confessions". I read it a couple of weeks ago..I was intrigued by the attitude and predisposition he had towards ending his own life... his logic closely followed mine, and I'm sure many on here. He has it all, a house, money, family, but questioned his purpose in very powerful language. It ultimately led him back to faith, but if you want to read a story about a man who understands the feelings we share, check it out

 

[Despondent]

9/11 related illnesses, depression, PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, having no friends or family, never leaving the apartment, Stan CTB last month.

What's 9/11 related inllness?