Wow. Just listening to your problems......I feel like I have no right to want to die.
That is how I often feel when people have much longer lists of problems than I do, but the thing is, it's only a matter of time before I (or anyone else) end(s) up with a longer list. One of the reasons that I want to do it is that very possibility.
In my case, depression, anxiety, and a life-long anger problem are the things that initially caused suicide to cross my mind in the first place, but the effects that those things have had on other people have added to it. I've lost friends over stupid shit and my tendency to catastrophize every time I feel stressed about anything (sometimes those fears of bad things happening have proven to be warranted) has shown me that I am not mentally stable enough to function as well as most other people. I also have a hard time trusting people in general, because I have been fooled into trusting manipulative people in the past and ended up being taken advantage of by them, which means that dating is out of the question for me, even though I have a sex drive that makes me want to do it sometimes.
There is also the fact that this world is terrible and I don't have the means to fix it. People with happy and healthy lives are
always at risk of having their lives destroyed by natural disasters, being diagnosed with devastating illnesses, and greedy people with more wealth than them deciding that they are expendable and taking away their employment, benefits, and even their home because doing so is profitable. Then there are people who are already miserable because of mental health problems being at risk of these same things. When you already have mental illnesses, those problems that are caused by the world and other people will affect you even worse, which is something that I am always afraid of happening to me.
I am not in immediate danger of homelessness and I don't have any serious physical problems at the moment, which is part of why I am still around, but due to my mental health issues, the longer I live, the more the risk of those things happening will increase. I currently see suicide as a preventative measure, to avoid my life getting worse due to old age, worsening physical health, and decreased mental ability, because I know that I won't be able to survive in this world if those become issues for me. I think I would rather get it over with
beforehand, so that I don't end up trapped in a horrible living situation, without having an emergency exit available.