Discussion Why do you think autistic women kill themselves at a higher rate?

[howcanigo]

Hi, new poster here. Hoping to stay and post for at least a little bit. This website feels very welcoming.

I'm an autistic woman (clinically level 2, I can do basic independent stuff and I'm not intellectually disabled but cannot live alone or work) I've been suicidal since I was very young.

It's not really a surprise that people with autism are 10x more likely on average to commit suicide than non-autistic population, but while I was researching I found autistic women are even more likely than autistic men to attempt and succeed with suicide. (one study link here)
Which surprised me, as in the general population, men generally succeed more.

As morbid as it is, I've found some relief in it. Not just in that I'm not alone but it feels like by winning a shit genetic lottery on the brain, it might be more likely I leave the world on my own terms.

They didn't even think autistic people were really capable of getting depressed or suicidal until a couple decades ago, and they didnt really start diagnosing girls who were 'profoundly/severely autistic' as autistic until the late 90s/early 00s, let alone girls who were high functioning/had aspergers. Which certainly doesn't help. I think it feels nearly impossible to socially assimilate as an autistic person, regardless of gender. But, as an autistic girl and now woman, people saw me as someone they could easily use for whatever they wanted. Everyday feels like another day of trauma from socializing even if now I'm not forced into interacting with hostile people everyday. It seems every time I try, I'm weird or terrible or their new play-thing. And even interacting with nice people is exhausting, and I just feel like I'll accidentally be too autistic for them soon.

Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

 

[mindless_imp]

Hi, new poster here. Hoping to stay and post for at least a little bit. This website feels very welcoming.

I'm an autistic woman (clinically level 2, I can do basic independent stuff and I'm not intellectually disabled but cannot live alone or work) I've been suicidal since I was very young.

It's not really a surprise that people with autism are 10x more likely on average to commit suicide than non-autistic population, but while I was researching I found autistic women are even more likely than autistic men to attempt and succeed with suicide. (one study link here)
Which surprised me, as in the general population, men generally succeed more.

As morbid as it is, I've found some relief in it. Not just in that I'm not alone but it feels like by winning a shit genetic lottery on the brain, it might be more likely I leave the world on my own terms.

They didn't even think autistic people were really capable of getting depressed or suicidal until a couple decades ago, and they didnt really start diagnosing girls who were 'profoundly/severely autistic' as autistic until the late 90s/early 00s, let alone girls who were high functioning/had aspergers. Which certainly doesn't help. I think it feels nearly impossible to socially assimilate as an autistic person, regardless of gender. But, as an autistic girl and now woman, people saw me as someone they could easily use for whatever they wanted. Everyday feels like another day of trauma from socializing even if now I'm not forced into interacting with hostile people everyday. It seems every time I try, I'm weird or terrible or their new play-thing. And even interacting with nice people is exhausting, and I just feel like I'll accidentally be too autistic for them soon.

Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

Hi :D
Im not sure if this is going be useful information or not but anyway. Personally, i think its the fact that women/females with autism are so much less likely to be diagnosed early on or at all so theyve grown up without reason as to why people treat them differently, why people segregate them out of groups and stuff. As someone who has done a lot of research into autism to see if its worth getting a test done for myself, its also really common for undiagnosed autistic women (not sure if men have a higher rate of this so take this with a grain of salt) to develop BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). So theyre more likely to be diagnosed with BPD when in their teens, early 20s than autism because its 'just their hormones'. As well as this, as someone with diagnosed BPD, it comes with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and SH as well as being self destructive with stuff such as alcohol, drugs, smoking etc.
Again, im not diagnosed and not sure of the details etc but i thought it might be fun and a bit useful to share :)

 

[howcanigo]

Hi :D
Im not sure if this is going be useful information or not but anyway. Personally, i think its the fact that women/females with autism are so much less likely to be diagnosed early on or at all so theyve grown up without reason as to why people treat them differently, why people segregate them out of groups and stuff. As someone who has done a lot of research into autism to see if its worth getting a test done for myself, its also really common for undiagnosed autistic women (not sure if men have a higher rate of this so take this with a grain of salt) to develop BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). So theyre more likely to be diagnosed with BPD when in their teens, early 20s than autism because its 'just their hormones'. As well as this, as someone with diagnosed BPD, it comes with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and SH as well as being self destructive with stuff such as alcohol, drugs, smoking etc.
Again, im not diagnosed and not sure of the details etc but i thought it might be fun and a bit useful to share :)

no worries about not being diagnosed but still commenting, happy to have anyone with any knowledge or experience on the subject :)

The system is fucked. BPD is definitely an easier diagnosis to get than autism for women. A lot of doctors/therapist see that you aren't a little boy and immediately think you can't be autistic. I was privileged (and i guess dis-privileged in some perspective) to get diagnosed young because i had 'profound' developmental traits, which i got help for and now have less negative developmental, social, and speech symptoms of my autism compared to before. But, no one told me I was autistic until i was in my mid/late teens, so i experienced that same confusion.
I think to an outside perspective, autism in teens and adults without intellectual disability does look a lot of BPD. I have a lot of the traits of BPD but I think it's just the autism? But man are the treatments different. Misdiagnosis or no diagnosis of autism is probably one of the biggest reasons. i imagine a lot of the undiagnosed autistic women might just be autistic but diagnosed with BPD and many of them have both.

 

[passivethought121]

Not a professional but I somewhat think it's for the same reasons, and more, as neurotypical men.
There's little medical help. Men are untreated because of the stigma, and autistic women are untreated because they're less likely to be diagnosed.
There's less social support. Again with men, because of the stigma. But autistic women may have less people in their life that'll help them.

And then for the part that doesn't really have to do with other men: accumulation of stress. Being overwhelmed constantly will cause other mental and physical disorders to develop/

 

[mindless_imp]

no worries about not being diagnosed but still commenting, happy to have anyone with any knowledge or experience on the subject :)

The system is fucked. BPD is definitely an easier diagnosis to get than autism for women. A lot of doctors/therapist see that you aren't a little boy and immediately think you can't be autistic. I was privileged (and i guess dis-privileged in some perspective) to get diagnosed young because i had 'profound' developmental traits, which i got help for and now have less negative developmental, social, and speech symptoms of my autism compared to before. But, no one told me I was autistic until i was in my mid/late teens, so i experienced that same confusion.
I think to an outside perspective, autism in teens and adults without intellectual disability does look a lot of BPD. I have a lot of the traits of BPD but I think it's just the autism? But man are the treatments different. Misdiagnosis or no diagnosis of autism is probably one of the biggest reasons. i imagine a lot of the undiagnosed autistic women might just be autistic but diagnosed with BPD and many of them have both.

I agree that the system is so fucked. Its intensely misogynistic and, especially male doctors, will blame it on hormones or your period and its so dehumanising to go to them with a genuine problem that youve been struggling with for months just to be asked, "When was your last period" as if that affects how ive been constantly feeling for years yk?
Anyway like you, i also feel like there are so many misdiagnosed females out there that have autism or both autism and BPD as a result of the misdiagnosis. It's likely from what I said above too, young girls are downplayed so much. Like if a boy is disruptive a lot and has behaviour issues hed be suggested to have a doctors visit for some neurodiverse diagnosis (like autism, adhd, add etc) but if a girl is reserved and to herself with little friends (a sign im pretty sure is a common sign of neurodivergence) she'll be labelled as shy and nervous like???? double standards much???
I hate how differently women are treated like theyre some feral animals that only run on their hormones, especially when men say they shouldnt be in power cause 'she'll start a war cause of those hormones' realistically, not many, IF ANY, women have started wars and men get triggered, furious and angry at the smallest things more than women do from what ive seen.

idk, the double standards of this world are so pissy. Dont even get me started on Doctors who specialise in Gynaecology. (sorry if this got long and off topic its just a very soft spot for me LMAO)

 

[howcanigo]

Not a professional but I somewhat think it's for the same reasons, and more, as neurotypical men.
There's little medical help. Men are untreated because of the stigma, and autistic women are untreated because they're less likely to be diagnosed.
There's less social support. Again with men, because of the stigma. But autistic women may have less people in their life that'll help them.

And then for the part that doesn't really have to do with other men: accumulation of stress. Being overwhelmed constantly will cause other mental and physical disorders to develop/

That's an interesting perspective. They've been saying autistic women are more "male brained" (whatever that means) since autism in women and girls was first discussed. It might be that we're similarly socially isolated as many men are, and more likely to not receive help or good help than autistic men, and we're more likely to plan suicides than non-autistic women.
I've noticed with autistic men and women with diagnosis' even, men are believed and respected more. Women who are autistic are just expected to be able to do the social woman things and behave, while autistic men have their boundaries with socializing a bit more respected.

 

[sserafim]

Hi, new poster here. Hoping to stay and post for at least a little bit. This website feels very welcoming.

I'm an autistic woman (clinically level 2, I can do basic independent stuff and I'm not intellectually disabled but cannot live alone or work) I've been suicidal since I was very young.

It's not really a surprise that people with autism are 10x more likely on average to commit suicide than non-autistic population, but while I was researching I found autistic women are even more likely than autistic men to attempt and succeed with suicide. (one study link here)
Which surprised me, as in the general population, men generally succeed more.

As morbid as it is, I've found some relief in it. Not just in that I'm not alone but it feels like by winning a shit genetic lottery on the brain, it might be more likely I leave the world on my own terms.

They didn't even think autistic people were really capable of getting depressed or suicidal until a couple decades ago, and they didnt really start diagnosing girls who were 'profoundly/severely autistic' as autistic until the late 90s/early 00s, let alone girls who were high functioning/had aspergers. Which certainly doesn't help. I think it feels nearly impossible to socially assimilate as an autistic person, regardless of gender. But, as an autistic girl and now woman, people saw me as someone they could easily use for whatever they wanted. Everyday feels like another day of trauma from socializing even if now I'm not forced into interacting with hostile people everyday. It seems every time I try, I'm weird or terrible or their new play-thing. And even interacting with nice people is exhausting, and I just feel like I'll accidentally be too autistic for them soon.

Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

Cuz life sucks as one. I have Asperger's (aka autism level 1), ADHD, and social anxiety. I'm not intellectually disabled either, but I am socially disabled and disabled in the realm of social interaction. I hate having to exist in this neurotypical world not meant for me. I hate having to live in this society and world full of social interaction. I hate having to talk to or interact with people and I hate that my eventual survival depends on it. It's just hard to fit into society as an autistic woman.

I would say that women are more social than men and women have more hidden, unspoken rules and politics than men do. Communicating with women is less straightforward than with men, and therefore we find it harder to socialize or fit in with our peers (especially other women), contributing to our risk of suicide. We probably have a lot of trauma from being ostracized, excluded, and never fitting in or belonging anywhere.

I also think that people are more understanding of socially awkward guys than socially awkward girls. It's okay for men to be socially awkward but society expects women to be social and idk I feel like it's more okay for guys to be autistic than it is for girls. It's more acceptable for guys to have trouble socializing than it is for girls.

It's just harder being an autistic woman than an autistic guy because it kind of goes against the expectations of being a woman and what a woman is. Women are expected to be social, yet we have trouble socializing. Women are expected to be more emotional, yet we are more logical. I'm not what people expect me to be.

That's an interesting perspective. They've been saying autistic women are more "male brained" (whatever that means) since autism in women and girls was first discussed. It might be that we're similarly socially isolated as many men are, and more likely to not receive help or good help than autistic men, and we're more likely to plan suicides than non-autistic women.
I've noticed with autistic men and women with diagnosis' even, men are believed and respected more. Women who are autistic are just expected to be able to do the social woman things and behave, while autistic men have their boundaries with socializing a bit more respected.

I hate that women are "just expected to be able to do the social woman things and behave". I wish people would respect and believe us more

 

[razorblade]

I think autistic women/girls are probably more likely to kill themselves due to harassment and bullying they receive during most of their life am a autistic women and during my whole life I've been mocked and bullied for being diffrent by everyone from ppl I knew in school all the way to my own mother and family. It really dose fuck yiu up mentally knowing your different

I also think that some may be to scared to speak up personally am quite a shy women and Ik it's common for other autistic to be to which leads to them being extremely fearful of speaking up.

 

[howcanigo]

I think autistic women/girls are probably more likely to kill themselves due to harassment and bullying they receive during most of their life am a autistic women and during my whole life I've been mocked and bullied for being diffrent by everyone from ppl I knew in school all the way to my own mother and family. It really dose fuck yiu up mentally knowing your different

I also think that some may be to scared to speak up personally am quite a shy women and Ik it's common for other autistic to be to which leads to them being extremely fearful of speaking up.

i can definitely relate to that. the worst kind is when they do the passive aggressive bullying and then they expect you to know that they don't like you, causing plausible deniability on whether or not they were even bullying you in the first place.
i have the trouble of not even knowing if someones making fun of me until way later so i never even get the chance to say anything, even if they do it for months, even if i wanted to say something. i just have to live with it.

 

[lachrymost]

I'm a woman and probably on the spectrum, but I'll never know for sure because when I tried to get tested they required an IQ test, and I'm too insecure for that. They were willing to diagnose ADHD, however. I'm insanely sensitive and frequently incompetent at crucial tasks. Real incompatible with life shit. Doctors dulled my senses with SSRIs for years, but that just caused physical health problems that made everything worse. I couldn't finish high school because I was so stupid at everything other than English, art, and memorization, and I have spatial awareness and navigational issues that kept me from finding each classroom. I wonder if things could have been different if they had figured out I was neurodivergent as a child. Maybe if I were a boy? Maybe people would have been more understanding and helpful, but I doubt it because I lived in a small town with no resources. It probably would have been the same old song, or it would have been stimulants that fucked up my health instead. It's just really sad. I could have had an okay life and accepted myself the way I was eventually, but as is, I can't accept the way things played out. I've tried desperately.

 

[howcanigo]

I'm a woman and probably on the spectrum, but I'll never know for sure because when I tried to get tested they required an IQ test, and I'm too insecure for that. They were willing to diagnose ADHD, however. I'm insanely sensitive and frequently incompetent at crucial tasks. Real incompatible with life shit. Doctors dulled my senses with SSRIs for years, but that just caused physical health problems that made everything worse. I couldn't finish high school because I was so stupid at everything other than English, art, and memorization, and I have spatial awareness and navigational issues that kept me from finding each classroom. I wonder if things could have been different if they had figured out I was neurodivergent as a child. Maybe if I were a boy? Maybe people would have been more understanding and helpful, but I doubt it because I lived in a small town with no resources. It probably would have been the same old song, or it would have been stimulants that fucked up my health instead. It's just really sad. I could have had an okay life and accepted myself the way I was eventually, but as is, I can't accept the way things played out. I've tried desperately.

i never finished highschool either because of similar issues and issues with meltdowns and bullying. if you're any older than 22-25, its a next to 0 chance you'd have been disgnosed before the age of 10 and gotten those vital early therapies and accommodations even if you were in a city, since you're a woman. i am so sorry it's played out for you this way.

 

[lachrymost]

i never finished highschool either because of similar issues and issues with meltdowns and bullying. if you're any older than 22-25, its a next to 0 chance you'd have been disgnosed before the age of 10 and gotten those vital early therapies and accommodations even if you were in a city, since you're a woman. i am so sorry it's played out for you this way.

What's "funny" is that I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder when I was four (which I wasn't told about until I was an adult), but no one ever thought to look into ADHD or autism, apparently.

 

[howcanigo]

What's "funny" is that I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder when I was four (which I wasn't told about until I was an adult), but no one ever thought to look into ADHD or autism, apparently.

i'm not a psychologist but sensory processing disorder nearly feels like a mute diagnosis… sensory processing issues are present in most all developmental disabilities like autism and a lot of mental illnesses. i feel like most people got more than just sensory processing disorder going on.

 

[ohyouknow]

My first thought in answer to the simple question, "Why do you think autistic women kill themselves at a higher rate?" was:

Because we're better researchers.

 

[Iamtired]

Cuz life sucks as one. I have Asperger's (aka autism level 1), ADHD, and social anxiety. I'm not intellectually disabled either, but I am socially disabled and disabled in the realm of social interaction. I hate having to exist in this neurotypical world not meant for me. I hate having to live in this society and world full of social interaction. I hate having to talk to or interact with people and I hate that my eventual survival depends on it. It's just hard to fit into society as an autistic woman.

I would say that women are more social than men and women have more hidden, unspoken rules and politics than men do. Communicating with women is less straightforward than with men, and therefore we find it harder to socialize or fit in with our peers (especially other women), contributing to our risk of suicide. We probably have a lot of trauma from being ostracized, excluded, and never fitting in or belonging anywhere.

I also think that people are more understanding of socially awkward guys than socially awkward girls. It's okay for men to be socially awkward but society expects women to be social and idk I feel like it's more okay for guys to be autistic than it is for girls. It's more acceptable for guys to have trouble socializing than it is for girls.

It's just harder being an autistic woman than an autistic guy because it kind of goes against the expectations of being a woman and what a woman is. Women are expected to be social, yet we have trouble socializing. Women are expected to be more emotional, yet we are more logical. I'm not what people expect me to be.

I hate that women are "just expected to be able to do the social woman things and behave". I wish people would respect and believe us more

Oh I'm a living testament to these statements. agree 100%.
as a neurodivergent woman I have been ostracized my entire life. I never got fully diagnosed either it's possible I'm on the
autism spectrum as well.
But I dated a man with Asperger's for 5 years. Known him for 10. Because of his family and because of his ability to highly function in moderately paid jobs he's treated like a gem to Society, when he sits in a golden library of books and has no outside hobbies besides scrabble tournaments. On the other hand, his oil painting- shape drawing, shut-in girlfriend who barely is able to function socially and works from home is subject to criticism from everyone.
But anyway- the lack of social support- terrible. It ruined my life.

Doesn't help that I was medicated and dulled my entire life. I have been diagnosed by (one) psychologist with BPD.

 

[scattymessyhuman]

Hi, new poster here. Hoping to stay and post for at least a little bit. This website feels very welcoming.

I'm an autistic woman (clinically level 2, I can do basic independent stuff and I'm not intellectually disabled but cannot live alone or work) I've been suicidal since I was very young.

It's not really a surprise that people with autism are 10x more likely on average to commit suicide than non-autistic population, but while I was researching I found autistic women are even more likely than autistic men to attempt and succeed with suicide. (one study link here)
Which surprised me, as in the general population, men generally succeed more.

As morbid as it is, I've found some relief in it. Not just in that I'm not alone but it feels like by winning a shit genetic lottery on the brain, it might be more likely I leave the world on my own terms.

They didn't even think autistic people were really capable of getting depressed or suicidal until a couple decades ago, and they didnt really start diagnosing girls who were 'profoundly/severely autistic' as autistic until the late 90s/early 00s, let alone girls who were high functioning/had aspergers. Which certainly doesn't help. I think it feels nearly impossible to socially assimilate as an autistic person, regardless of gender. But, as an autistic girl and now woman, people saw me as someone they could easily use for whatever they wanted. Everyday feels like another day of trauma from socializing even if now I'm not forced into interacting with hostile people everyday. It seems every time I try, I'm weird or terrible or their new play-thing. And even interacting with nice people is exhausting, and I just feel like I'll accidentally be too autistic for them soon.

Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

I'm diagnosed autistic. Not sure where to start. A big part of it is we are more likely to suffer from depression and have trauma as a result of slow processing. Those on top of the difficulties of being autistic in the world we live in = looking for a way out.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Probably because women are valued for relationship, having kids, and these days women have to be employed also unless they find a guy who can support them. U can easily end up a childless, partnerless, autistic woman in modern society. This might be why. Over 80% of people with autism can't maintain employment. Also, u are more likely to find yourself in abusive relationships due to your social deficits. Women are less likely to be diagnosed. As women age and let's say u could not achieve any of these important roles, what are u supposed to do as u get older? U have no spouse, no family, and you're looking at homelessness down the road. This can happen to guys with autism also, but women with autism also are probably more likely to have abortions due to struggling in relationships or never actually being in a secure relationship/commitment, and afraid they can't handle having a kid without help. This also sets women up for problems, the feeling like u got screwed out of even having a family. As autistic women get older we can end up totally alone and impoverished if we don't succeed at least in having a family, marrying well, or in a well paid occupation. Many autistic women don't end up in well paid occupations due to the autism not being diagnosed and not having help to learn how to better cope with the autism at work.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I'm one of these autistic women who never got diagnosed and came from an abusive neglected home environment raised by a narcissistic boomer mother. I really failed in every area of life, and I still blame myself for some of it even though I have autism. I think I had combined borderline personality disorder, ADD, and autism. Often people with autism do have additional things going on. I still carry on these days and I did find God and that is how I keep going. I know God helps me and is taking care of me despite all this misfortune or crappy hand I got dealt in life.

 

[Iamtired]

I'm one of these autistic women who never got diagnosed and came from an abusive neglected home environment raised by a narcissistic boomer mother. I really failed in every area of life, and I still blame myself for some of it even though I have autism. I think I had combined borderline personality disorder, ADD, and autism. Often people with autism do have additional things going on. I still carry on these days and I did find God and that is how I keep going. I know God helps me and is taking care of me despite all this misfortune or crappy hand I got dealt in life.

Lol are you me?
I did manage to achieve some things with my work. But overall….yeah. Sounds too familiar.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Lol are you me?
I did manage to achieve some things with my work. But overall….yeah. Sounds too familiar.

I'm sure there are many of us out there. Our generation got the screwed as have the generations after gen X.

 

[Iamtired]

I'm sure there are many of us out there. Our generation got the screwed as have the generations after gen X.

Oh definitely. I'm a millennial. In my 30s. I look young but….that's probably the BPD and ADHD

I wish I could find god. My good friend found god and I just….i can't figure it out. Im glad it works for some ppl and I respect it but My mother was narcissistic boomer with extreme religious beliefs.

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

The

Hi, new poster here. Hoping to stay and post for at least a little bit. This website feels very welcoming.

I'm an autistic woman (clinically level 2, I can do basic independent stuff and I'm not intellectually disabled but cannot live alone or work) I've been suicidal since I was very young.

It's not really a surprise that people with autism are 10x more likely on average to commit suicide than non-autistic population, but while I was researching I found autistic women are even more likely than autistic men to attempt and succeed with suicide. (one study link here)
Which surprised me, as in the general population, men generally succeed more.

As morbid as it is, I've found some relief in it. Not just in that I'm not alone but it feels like by winning a shit genetic lottery on the brain, it might be more likely I leave the world on my own terms.

They didn't even think autistic people were really capable of getting depressed or suicidal until a couple decades ago, and they didnt really start diagnosing girls who were 'profoundly/severely autistic' as autistic until the late 90s/early 00s, let alone girls who were high functioning/had aspergers. Which certainly doesn't help. I think it feels nearly impossible to socially assimilate as an autistic person, regardless of gender. But, as an autistic girl and now woman, people saw me as someone they could easily use for whatever they wanted. Everyday feels like another day of trauma from socializing even if now I'm not forced into interacting with hostile people everyday. It seems every time I try, I'm weird or terrible or their new play-thing. And even interacting with nice people is exhausting, and I just feel like I'll accidentally be too autistic for them soon.

Interested to hear anyone's thoughts.

The constantly being misunderstood is hell for me and the thought of living like that for another 40 years is definitely unbearable

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Oh definitely. I'm a millennial. In my 30s. I look young but….that's probably the BPD and ADHD

I wish I could find god. My good friend found god and I just….i can't figure it out. Im glad it works for some ppl and I respect it but My mother was narcissistic boomer with extreme religious beliefs.

I had to be taught about God through a private fellowship. U might not get to experience fellowship the way it is intended at a formal church. This might be why u might feel kind of turned off to God. Christianity is supposed to be a relationship with God not a religion. Religion is man made, but living as a Christian is supposed to be the way God intended for us to live. The teachings of Jesus Christ was intended to teach us how to live in a way that we don't destroy ourselves and others. It was not intended as a way to punish us or keep us from having fullfilled lives. Many people will not want to live that way and God gave us the freedom to live how he want. He just preferred that we live a certain way so we have the best chance at a life that is supposed to be the way that we will most fullfill our potential for a good life.

 

[Iamtired]

I had to be taught about God through a private fellowship. U might not get to experience fellowship the way it is intended at a formal church. This might be why u don't feel kind of turned off to God. Christianity is supposed to be a relationship with God not a religion. Religion is man made, but living as a Christian is supposed to be the way God intended for us to live.

maybe. Perhaps. I have no real opinion on it either way. I was kicked out of Roman Catholic school at 14. I'm glad…it had nothing to do with god.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

(For me, it's the intersections that come about from being autistic and AFAB. Being assigned a label and then being SUB-scribed all of the intricacies that go along with said label; there's that internal need to methodize all future interactions in relation to that. Why? Well, you've been compelled to socialize—whether or not there was an actual desire to depends on you. So, you must play into this label; play into this role you've been assigned. If you don't, the immediate consequence is ostracization.

You're self-content becomes a secondary concern, because your MAIN concern now is to be as palatable to others as possible. Be it family, friends, employers, future partners, or everyday strangers. They already see you as a "girl" or "woman", but you're also hiding traits of your autism. One mask on top of another.)

 

[drownll]

>And even interacting with nice people is exhausting, and I just feel like I'll accidentally be too autistic for them soon.

I've never been diagnosed for autism but i relate so much. I tend to cut short relations with nice people because I know that at some point they're gonna notice i'm weird/special, better end it on good impression.