Venting why do people keep trying to "save" me?

[ecmnesia]

does anyone experience this as well?

I'm tired of hearing those positive thinking bs, that I need to find meaning, think about the future and keep fighting, that I'm strong and life is valuable, i just need to find "strength" and be brave.

i acknowledge their good intentions and all, it's flattering for sure that they care, but honestly, can't they all shut up?

I've told them a hundred times that I'm not seeking pity, nor help.
I don't want to be saved. I don't want their pretty words and advices. I just want them to hear me and that's because they told me they were down for it (on my particular case, those people are "suicidal" as well).

honestly, why do people keep trying to save other people, even when they clearly are not asking for it?

I don't expect them to encourage me or anyone to cbt, but fuck it, is it so hard to understand that I don't feel bad for myself?

 

[StringPuppet]

Because those are the things they tell themselves to keep living. They can't stand to see that all of the positive bs they spout doesn't really mean anything.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What you're seeking is unfortunately rare to find.

As soon as I hear "just," I know it's a negation or setting aside of what I said, such as, "You just need to..."

Folks feel most in control it seems when they advise or demand of others, and really don't have self-awareness and self-control.

 

[LesDjinns]

Because those people like/love you and will miss you?


For someone who CTBs, it's over after it's done. Everyone you know will still have to spend the rest of their life without you. (Except those on the cusp aswell as you mentione) So it's not that hard to see why people don't just go: "Urgh, that sucks, peace bro". I have similar experiences, I would assume anyone who mentions CTB to their friends/family will aswell. I suppose I'm not really annoyed by it as it really is a token of appreciaton, knowing I atleast did some things right in life. (Right enough for people to want me to stick around)

It seems an odd thing to be so annoyed about, unless they're physically preventing you from from the act, what prevents you from just brushing it off with a "we'll see" or ignoring them alltogether? (if you're that annoyed with them or they refuse to talk about anything else?)

 

[StringPuppet]

Because those people like/love you and will miss you?


For someone who CTBs, it's over after it's done. Everyone you know will still have to spend the rest of their life without you. (Except those on the cusp aswell as you mentione) So it's not that hard to see why people don't just go: "Urgh, that sucks, peace bro". I have similar experiences, I would assume anyone who mentions CTB to their friends/family will aswell. I suppose I'm not really annoyed by it as it really is a token of appreciaton, knowing I atleast did some things right in life. (Right enough for people to want me to stick around)

It seems an odd thing to be so annoyed about, unless they're physically preventing you from from the act, what prevents you from just brushing it off with a "we'll see" or ignoring them alltogether? (if you're that annoyed with them or they refuse to talk about anything else?)

Op has said he's told people a hundred times he's not seeking help. He has every right to be annoyed if they keep insisting.

 

[LesDjinns]

Op has said he's told people a hundred times he's not seeking help. He has every right to be annoyed if they keep insisting.

And they have every right wanting him not to die?

OP can be annoyed, he has the right indeed, not saying that. Like I said, I have similar experience. I've told my close friends and family I might not make it this winter (after being depressed for about 15 years with the past 5 years being quite severly) and every conversation I have with them now has some form of "trying to get me to find help". I'm just not annoyed by it I suppose.

Takes 5 seconds to type: "We'll see", which seems to be enough to stop them from trying. (I already gave them the whole "it's my descision to make" and "If I go, I'll be "happy" doing so" when I told them initiallly)

EDIT: and they are still trying, on an almost daily basis, but I either steer the conversation away from it or ignore it...

 

[StringPuppet]

And they have every right wanting him not to die?

OP can be annoyed, he has the right indeed, not saying that. Like I said, I have similar experience. I've told my close friends and family I might not make it this winter (after being depressed for about 15 years with the past 5 years being quite severly) and every conversation I have with them now has some form of "trying to get me to find help". I'm just not annoyed by it I suppose.

Takes 5 seconds to type: "We'll see", which seems to be enough to stop them from trying. (I already gave them the whole "it's my descision to make" and "If I go, I'll be "happy" doing so" when I told them initiallly)

EDIT: and they are still trying, on an almost daily basis, but I either steer the conversation away from it or ignore it...

Well maybe "we'll see" isn't working which is why op is annoyed.

Making boundaries for people then having them broken over and over again is a very valid reason for being annoyed which is why your "It seems an odd thing to be so annoyed about" comment seems kind of incorrect to me.

 

[LesDjinns]

Well maybe "we'll see" isn't working which is why op is annoyed.

Making boundaries for people then having them broken over and over again is a very valid reason for being annoyed which is why your "It seems an odd thing to be so annoyed about" comment seems kind of incorrect to me.

True, I worded it poorly.


Then again, if OP told them hundreds of times, and is that annoyed by it, why not just respectfully say the goodbyes, ignore them and move on?


Like I said in my first post, and the OP is very well aware of it as it mentioned it himself in his original post:

He's essentially saying: why do people who love me want to save me? Which anwsers itself.

Not everyone embraces death the way is done on these forums. I hope we can agree this is the abnormal mindset. For everyone else, there's no added value to death.

EDIT:
So I guess what I'm saying is that it feels like the OP is annoyed with the fact his friends/family haven't embraced death the way he has. And that seems very forgivable to those people imo.

 

[ecmnesia]

I should have added that those people I mentioned are not family members or friends I know in "real life", in fact they are friends I made on the internet and don't know in person. Although we talk and have a relationship to some extent, I do not consider our bond to be strong enough to involve love.

I've said multiple times I do not seek to be helped, and that I don't believe in any of the things they are telling me, partly because they cannot give me solid arguments to prove their points. I went as far as to admit that I pretended to agree with them just so that they would stop telling me those stuff. I tried ignoring, and not replying at all, the thing is... those people, although they are annoying me, are in a bad place, and I'm not yet heartless.

I'm making an effort to keep in contact so that they won't be lonely or feel abandoned, but somehow, they always end up giving me those prep talks.

I feel annoyed cause I wish they'd just respect my wish concerning that matter. But even when I try to get away and move on, they keep on messaging me and we go through all the steps I mentioned once again.

 

[LesDjinns]

I should have added that those people I mentioned are not family members or friends I know in "real life", in fact they are friends I made on the internet and don't know in person. Although we talk and have a relationship to some extent, I do not consider our bond to be strong enough to involve love.

I've said multiple times I do not seek to be helped, and that I don't believe in any of the things they are telling me, partly because they cannot give me solid arguments to prove their points. I went as far as to admit that I pretended to agree with them just so that they would stop telling me those stuff. I tried ignoring, and not replying at all, the thing is... those people, although they are annoying me, are in a bad place, and I'm not yet heartless.

I'm making an effort to keep in contact so that they won't be lonely or feel abandoned, but somehow, they always end up giving me those prep talks.

I feel annoyed cause I wish they'd just respect my wish concerning that matter. But even when I try to get away and move on, they keep on messaging me and we go through all the steps I mentioned once again.

I've got some e-friends myself, though I haven't told them (yet?); Not sure if I will. There's some game buddies I go back 10 years with, I'dd concider them actual friends if solely for the sheer time I've spend talking to them VoIP.

It's good you still care enough about them to not ignore them.


As for them respecting your wish:

How reasonable is it really to expect someone to respect one of the most drastic actions we can take? Someone who isn't suicidal himself doesn't understand the things we go through, and sure as hell won't understand our solution to our problems.

So I hope you can keep it up, even if for their sake.

small edit: (srry for the edits lol i suck)

Even someone who is suicidal himself might try to "help you" ad nauseam. It's just how humans work, we instinctively want to avoid death.

 

[massiveblackhole]

that's what i love about this site. no annoying pro-lifers you can just get real information and advice on how to ctb without the guilt trip

 

[Lilacmoon]

selfishness. wanting to avoid losing someone they care about.
egotistic. wanting to save someone and feel proud of themselves, like a pat on the back, or a virtue signal.
money. big pharma.
plenty of reasons.
im stupid though, so maybe i dont understand the question :(

 

[TheSomebody]

These people just think that life is a gift and living is always the best option by default. No matter how fucked up you are they will always come up with pro-life bullshit talk.

I still say that these people don't even care about you, they just want to follow their ideology or religion. They also want to "save" you to feel good about themselves, as a personal achievement of saving someone. All of this is just an attempt to quench their own ego.

 

[darkness falls]

I'm convinced people have an instinctual response to threats of suicide or self harm. There are probably many reasons for this but I think most people do it out of authentic concern for your well being. It doesn't mean we have to like or accept that response though. Especially when you've already tried to establish boundaries. I can understand how that gets old real fast.

 

[LastFlowers]

I've realized most people are hopeless when it comes to this, talking to them just ends in more pain, misery, and an increased feeling of alienation. I don't even bother anymore, I can hover over my limited contacts and know that calling a single one of them would be futile. Instant regret. They don't understand and they don't even try to. They are victim blamers, they need to think we want to die because we all hate ourselves when many want to end their existence as a gift of peace to themselves and an end to their suffering-suffering which also tends to be twisted in order to place the blame on the sufferer. When we are dead, it will be no different. We aren't seen as rational beings who have reached their limit, we are seen as insane people who died from a battle with insanity, not a war with the world and the hand we were dealt..which is much more likely, and would make anyone appear "insane".

The majority of the population follows a dangerous rhetoric about suicide, how we should "prevent" it, "fight" it, stop it at all costs and that the very fact that someone is contemplating it means they are automatically no longer rational. That's the real insanity if you ask me. They are fighting a symptom, they are fighting the only way out, while they continue to ignore the real cause. They are pro-life, anti-quality of life, pro-status quo, anti-nuanced thinking.

They are like the people who blindly support anti-abortion laws and abolition of clinics, but worse and even more brainwashed. They romanticize life as they accuse others of romanticizing death. They want you to keep breathing but don't care how you manage it or how much you suffer in doing so. As long as you are technically alive-as long as that baby is technically born-their job is done. Anything more than that is your problem, to them.
They would rather sooner corner us into the the last resort ways of taking our lives than protest for a readily available and humane option. Just as many would rather run all the abortionists into the underground where many patients will die and suffer.
The end to our suffering, the prevention of the beginning of another's suffering...it will all still happen regardless of how they wish to handle it. Yet they still want to corner us into the worst options available, leave us lonely, in the dark, and without support at the very end. Then wonder why we didn't reach out.
This isn't just about nutty outspoken politicians, the very people we are meant to love and trust in are also guilty of the same sentiments, at least enough so to leave us isolated in our journey to the end.

Keep in mind that some also do it to signal virtue, to pat themselves on the back, and to save their own face. To me none of them challenge their own thought process and so if they hardly care enough to attempt that much then their wish to "save me" will always be misplaced. The only person they are saving is themselves, the only life they are preserving is that of the abominable living hell that envelops me.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I feel a lot like this. People want me to be alive. For what? I don't know but they just hit me with crappy platitudes. They don't care what life i have as long as I'm breathing. That's messed up to me!

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I just don't understand why people try so hard. This world is barbaric.

you cannot save us, if anything you're making it soo soo much worse! If we wish to leave, leave us alone, know one knows our circumstances, physically, emotionally or mentally. Our traumas. Stop pretending to, stop invalidating our feelings and our choices and our feelings

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I can relate. It is why I never tell others how I am feeling. Other people simply do not understand. In society there is an attitude that you must live no matter what happens. I wish I could be understood and accepted in my desire to die. There is nothing anyone can do to help and that is simply the way it is.