Discussion Why Do People Instantly Dehumanize People With Ugly Faces?

[DesireDeath]

I understand it's human instinct to feel disgust, contempt, discomfort, fear or anger at seeing ugly faces, because it doesn't look right, can indicate unhealthy genes or bad developmental environment and generally leads to negative judgements about the person. But from my own experiences of being stared at due to my horrid face and given looks of disgust or cold and rude treatment whenever I have to interact with people, it seems everyone instantly dehumanizes me as soon as seeing my face and regards me as unworthy of existing in the same environment as them. Why don't they recognize I am a human being too just like them and have other qualities apart from my face, which aren't negative? Even if they recognize it conciously why don't they care about it at all? Yes, first impressions are powerful but what happened to understanding and getting to know people before passing a full judgement of them.

It's like all of society wants me to die, just because of how my face looks, this is understandable to some extent, but it's also a hugely unwarranted negative reaction. Even convicted rapists, murderers, serial killers and pedophiles get more empathy and understanding than this. I can't understand why I am always seen as the villian just because of how I look, just for existing or even when I do something nice or good. This also makes me wonder why society doesn't just euthanize me since they don't want to see my face and there's no way for me to cover everything up in a socially acceptable way, even mask and hoodie doesn't help.

 

[Gaga786]

It shouldn't be understandable. Yes, it may look odd, but thats not justification to treat the other human like garbage. What matters is how kind of a person is from the inside. Even I sometimes get fixated on looks, given its human nature, but it is worth trying to seek kindness and good rather than attractiveness. Each of us has a unique role In this world, and no one can take that away from you. I understand your pain and how difficult life is, which I cannot imagine given how cruel of a place it is. But there is some good in it. I hope you find the inner peace that you yearn.I wish you the best, and I hope you take care of yourself

 

[Venus13]

But from my own experiences of being stared at due to my horrid face and given looks of disgust or cold and rude treatment whenever I have to interact with people, it seems everyone instantly dehumanizes me as soon as seeing my face and regards me as unworthy of existing in the same environment as them. Why don't they recognize I am a human being too just like them and have other qualities apart from my face, which aren't negative?

Thank you for saying how bad it gets. I'm here for the same reason. People don't understand what it's like to live this way. People hate you, a lot of them, and they want you to know too.

It's a primal disgust reaction, plus the influence of societal beauty standards attributing to worth. Very primal, it always came off unacceptable for modern standards of behavior but it's acceptable in regard to humans being animals.

0 sympathy too, people think you're exaggerating, and you're trapped in the body.

 

[DesireDeath]

It shouldn't be understandable. Yes, it may look odd, but thats not justification to treat the other human like garbage. What matters is how kind of a person is from the inside. Even I sometimes get fixated on looks, given its human nature, but it is worth trying to seek kindness and good rather than attractiveness. Each of us has a unique role In this world, and no one can take that away from you. I understand your pain and how difficult life is, which I cannot imagine given how cruel of a place it is. But there is some good in it. I hope you find the inner peace that you yearn.I wish you the best, and I hope you take care of yourself

The sad reality is nothing else matters to people in this world as much as facial attractiveness. Most people aren't miserable because they are either average or above average looking and are treated normally or even get preferential treatment for their faces but they also don't recognize how much difference facial attractiveness makes in terms of social, dating, occupational opportunities and general treatment.

Even a person in average range going from a 4/10 to a 6/10 or vice versa would experience a huge difference in how they are treated. I saw it myself in workplaces I have been where I either got fired due to my looks or treated very poorly. The 4-5/10 males were tolerated and sometimes talked to but they weren't truly included as part of the group, people didn't center around them or truly interact with them in groups. Usually, they were often on their own doing the job and women barely acknowledged them and sometimes ignored them. On the other hand guys who were a 6/10 or a little above were almost always popular, got attention from women, they would chatter on with them needlessly and follow them showing obvious signs of interest and attraction. They were often popular with the guys too, I saw cases where even guys were following around 6/10's giving them a lot of attention and being super-respectful, especially after noticing girls were into them, this happened with even a part-timer who this girl that was 4.5-5/10 was aggressively pursuing. Most of the guys in management are 6/10 or above and tall, which indicates looks are a necessary factor to be allowed into higher roles not requiring technical skill. The 5/10 guys got treated normally, were included in groups, they all had girlfriends for sure, but women generally didn't give them much attention. If they got a woman it was through effort and in a room with more attractive guys they became invisible.

I only mention men because there's this misconception lookism doesn't affect them as severely as women, which isn't the case as far as I have seen. While I have never had the chance to interact in female only groups and observe the hierarchy and how looks play a role, the main thing I have noticed is nearly all ugly or fat women have boyfriends and they are treated normally by men at least. I have also seen many obese and unattractive women end up as managers while simultaneously treating unattractive obese men poorly.

This needs to be talked about more, it's absolutely ridiculous people sweep it under the rug and act as if it doesn't happen. There's an old NBC documentary studying lookism, people who were average versus those who were model-tier attractive were competing in a job interview and the attractive people always got picked, despite them having the same qualifications. Even the interviewer admitted they were picked for their looks. When even an average person is denied opportunities in favor of an attractive person, you can't begin to imagine how bad an unattractive person has it. It's like we are constantly under the attack, while the average person is only invisible in a room full of attractive people.

Thank you for saying how bad it gets. I'm here for the same reason. People don't understand what it's like to live this way. People hate you, a lot of them, and they want you to know too.

It's a primal disgust reaction, plus the influence of societal beauty standards attributing to worth. Very primal, it always came off unacceptable for modern standards of behavior but it's acceptable in regard to humans being animals.

0 sympathy too, people think you're exaggerating, and you're trapped in the body.

I sympathize, I have been looking to interact with people who are in a similar situation more and learn their stories. I would like to ask you a few questions such what makes your face unattractive, have you always been in the same position looks-wise, are you male or female, have you had friends, dates, sexual contact with your desired sex, have things improved at all after doing things to improve your face, are you able to get or hold employment? We can chat if you'd feel more comfortable there, of course you don't have to answer anything it's up to you.

 

[magicbus77]

Op my heart goes out to you.I can't imagine the bs you put up with each day.yes many people and society only care about "status" and "appearance "..

I hate to give ya the rah rah speech but seriously put you first.pay no mind to people that are rude.they aren't worth your time anyhow! I'm sure your an amazing person inside and out! Keep on keeping on friend!

 

[Gaga786]

The sad reality is nothing else matters to people in this world as much as facial attractiveness. Most people aren't miserable because they are either average or above average looking and are treated normally or even get preferential treatment for their faces but they also don't recognize how much difference facial attractiveness makes in terms of social, dating, occupational opportunities and general treatment.

Even a person in average range going from a 4/10 to a 6/10 or vice versa would experience a huge difference in how they are treated. I saw it myself in workplaces I have been where I either got fired due to my looks or treated very poorly. The 4-5/10 males were tolerated and sometimes talked to but they weren't truly included as part of the group, people didn't center around them or truly interact with them in groups. Usually, they were often on their own doing the job and women barely acknowledged them and sometimes ignored them. On the other hand guys who were a 6/10 or a little above were almost always popular, got attention from women, they would chatter on with them needlessly and follow them showing obvious signs of interest and attraction. They were often popular with the guys too, I saw cases where even guys were following around 6/10's giving them a lot of attention and being super-respectful, especially after noticing girls were into them, this happened with even a part-timer who this girl that was 4.5-5/10 was aggressively pursuing. Most of the guys in management are 6/10 or above and tall, which indicates looks are a necessary factor to be allowed into higher roles not requiring technical skill. The 5/10 guys got treated normally, were included in groups, they all had girlfriends for sure, but women generally didn't give them much attention. If they got a woman it was through effort and in a room with more attractive guys they became invisible.

I only mention men because there's this misconception lookism doesn't affect them as severely as women, which isn't the case as far as I have seen. While I have never had the chance to interact in female only groups and observe the hierarchy and how looks play a role, the main thing I have noticed is nearly all ugly or fat women have boyfriends and they are treated normally by men at least. I have also seen many obese and unattractive women end up as managers while simultaneously treating unattractive obese men poorly.

This needs to be talked about more, it's absolutely ridiculous people sweep it under the rug and act as if it doesn't happen. There's an old NBC documentary studying lookism, people who were average versus those who were model-tier attractive were competing in a job interview and the attractive people always got picked, despite them having the same qualifications. Even the interviewer admitted they were picked for their looks. When even an average person is denied opportunities in favor of an attractive person, you can't begin to imagine how bad an unattractive person has it. It's like we are constantly under the attack, while the average person is only invisible in a room full of attractive people.

I sympathize, I have been looking to interact with people who are in a similar situation more and learn their stories. I would like to ask you a few questions such what makes your face unattractive, have you always been in the same position looks-wise, are you male or female, have you had friends, dates, sexual contact with your desired sex, have things improved at all after doing things to improve your face, are you able to get or hold employment? We can chat if you'd feel more comfortable there, of course you don't have to answer anything it's up to you.

yes, I completely agree with you. This world can be very cruel– actually we humans have made it out to be. My heart breaks for you, as Im in a similar situation too. People despise me based on my looks as Im not the most attractive person out there.Im sorry that you have to bear and be subject to such cruelty. I hope things become better for you. You have my support:)

 

[Venus13]

I sympathize, I have been looking to interact with people who are in a similar situation more and learn their stories. I would like to ask you a few questions such what makes your face unattractive, have you always been in the same position looks-wise, are you male or female, have you had friends, dates, sexual contact with your desired sex, have things improved at all after doing things to improve your face, are you able to get or hold employment? We can chat if you'd feel more comfortable there, of course you don't have to answer anything it's up to you.

My face is unattractive due to being disfigured by scarring from skin issues. I also have abnormally pale and blotchy skin which draws disgust. I haven't always been in this position, prior I was a 6 I would say. I was well liked and sought after even. Now I'm disfigured, so that gets you a 0 or a 2 in decent lighting. I got a taste of both worlds so I know the difference in treatment well, and I see how that correlates to people who are ugly, deformed, diseased, etc.

I'm a woman. I stopped having friends 10 years ago when I was first disfigured. I have a few online. I only date people who know my story, know what I've been through and how much it impacts me, and always people I meet online before revealing my face. Sex is much lower than before, but not nonexistent. I'm extremely shelled up. My personality is locked away now. My confidence is nonexistent and my strength is almost drained to nothing.

I'm on my second plastic surgeon. I haven't left my house in over 2 years, I gave up the fight. I got a degree and work exclusively remotely. I'm pro plastic surgery for severe cases. I've had comforting and comfortable experiences at these cosmetic appointments. I've had 30-40% improve so far and I'm doing another in May which is more intensive and should bring results. Fingers crossed I get to come back to a more level and normal life. Some of my better experiences have come from just addressing the issue head on with procedures. Psychologically, I'm burdened by my experiences. It takes a toll, I know you know that.

There are unique challenges for men and women with this issue I would imagine. I might get more sympathy from women. Men have been vicious to me at times. That always produced the most shocking interactions. It felt extremely primal, like they wanted to tear me up for being female and being unsightly. Anger comes from men more than women for me. Women look away, maybe they are saddened. I feel the opposite might be true for men? I think people can be cruel when facing an ugly member of the opposite sex. They do some kind of evaluation differently, probably some subtle sexual evaluation.

Best things I've done are 1. Procedures 2. Clinging to whatever passions you still might have that don't involve others 3. Not subjecting myself to that treatment anymore for 8+ hours a day, remote was the only option 4. Being upfront with online friends that I'm fucked 5. Trying to salvage whatever dignity you can.

How about you, I would love to hear your story.

 

[Octavia]

As much as I hate to admit it, looks do seem to matter a lot in this world… blind people are one of the few that would not judge someone based on appearance.

 

[DesireDeath]

My face is unattractive due to being disfigured by scarring from skin issues. I also have abnormally pale and blotchy skin which draws disgust. I haven't always been in this position, prior I was a 6 I would say. I was well liked and sought after even. Now I'm disfigured, so that gets you a 0 or a 2 in decent lighting. I got a taste of both worlds so I know the difference in treatment well, and I see how that correlates to people who are ugly, deformed, diseased, etc.

I'm a woman. I stopped having friends 10 years ago when I was first disfigured. I have a few online. I only date people who know my story, know what I've been through and how much it impacts me, and always people I meet online before revealing my face. Sex is much lower than before, but not nonexistent. I'm extremely shelled up. My personality is locked away now. My confidence is nonexistent and my strength is almost drained to nothing.

I'm on my second plastic surgeon. I haven't left my house in over 2 years, I gave up the fight. I got a degree and work exclusively remotely. I'm pro plastic surgery for severe cases. I've had comforting and comfortable experiences at these cosmetic appointments. I've had 30-40% improve so far and I'm doing another in May which is more intensive and should bring results. Fingers crossed I get to come back to a more level and normal life. Some of my better experiences have come from just addressing the issue head on with procedures. Psychologically, I'm burdened by my experiences. It takes a toll, I know you know that.

There are unique challenges for men and women with this issue I would imagine. I might get more sympathy from women. Men have been vicious to me at times. That always produced the most shocking interactions. It felt extremely primal, like they wanted to tear me up for being female and being unsightly. Anger comes from men more than women for me. Women look away, maybe they are saddened. I feel the opposite might be true for men? I think people can be cruel when facing an ugly member of the opposite sex. They do some kind of evaluation differently, probably some subtle sexual evaluation.

Best things I've done are 1. Procedures 2. Clinging to whatever passions you still might have that don't involve others 3. Not subjecting myself to that treatment anymore for 8+ hours a day, remote was the only option 4. Being upfront with online friends that I'm fucked 5. Trying to salvage whatever dignity you can.

How about you, I would love to hear your story.

Sorry kinda long. You don't have to read all of it.

It's interesting that you get treated negatively due to your appearance, but your entire life has not been wrecked due to your facial issue unlike mine. Based on your story you have dated people who were sympathetic, had sexual experiences, and you get sympathy from women. You also have a degree and a remote job, which is almost certainly difficult to get, especially in this climate. This adds further evidence to my theory that having an unattractive male face is absolutely awful.

As for me, I was average to decent looking all the way until I was 16, then my face turned very ugly. Even when I was average to decent looking, I was kind of an outcast due to my autism diagnosis and generally didn't fit in, but people often gave me a chance and were willing to overlook mistakes to some degree, however I had friends of my own who were generally unpopular or had disabilities and I was kind of the head in some of these groups, but I wasn't particularly liked or respected. Girls on the other hand generally treated me better than guys though I never really had female friends. I had some girls approach me compliment my appearance, show interest in me, one even asked me out and another said she wanted to kiss me but I never pursued any of them or had sexual contact with them for various reasons.

After my face turned ugly things became really difficult, many of my friends who I wasn't particularly on good terms began to bully me more directly or were harsher with me, I had a falling out with a significant part of my social circle. I started getting negative looks and cold treatment from cashiers, service-people and strangers. Girls generally weren't interested in talking to me or what I had to say, unlike before, avoided interacting with me and started treating me like a creep. People began to stare at me negatively with looks of disgust, contempt, fear, anger and discomfort instead of looking at me normally or sometimes smiling at me like before . Women generally avoid eye-contact but also occasionally give looks of disgust, fear or hatred.

I dropped out of college due to despair, I had gotten into a real good program but didn't finish it. I had one online "relationship" with some female psychopath who sent me a nude and we occasionally had phone "sex" mutual masturbation, never on video, she looked slightly disgusted seeing me on video, only showed her one picture before-hand. This only lasted 6 weeks though we spent as much as 8 hours a day together sometimes, she was clearly abusive and enjoyed my suffering, though she pretended to be nice most of the time. The only sex I had was paid with an escort and even she was disgusted to kiss me, though she did so, after that I gave up on having a sex life. I even had cosmetic surgery before that and it didn't improve me at all, I think it even reduced my facial harmony and made it worse.

I have had job interviews for crappy low-level entry service type jobs, I have had disgusted looks and negative treatment from HR interviewers, who are all women. I had a job which I got fired due to some lady who refused to work with me, but the female managers pinned it on me, when it was obviously due to my looks, all the female managers there were fat and ugly too while the only male manager was tall and good looking. I have been scape-goated on the first day of training for something the trainer did, she was clearly a cunt and enjoyed my suffering, worst part was it was a transgender woman that was tall, balding with a baby face, which looked like a man and sounded like one, no disrespect intended towards transgender people, but it's clear that being disrespected by her indicates that I am the lowest on every social hierarchy and also shows the hypocrisy of unattractive people. I have also had guys who have seen my face online treat me badly or find ways to punch down on me and try to create an abusive relationship under the guise of trying to help me, which is just typical narcissistic bullshit.

So yeah, my life is extremely over and I will be killing myself in the year of 2025. There's absolutely no chance of anything getting better and no point in living this way.

 

[DesireDeath]

My face is unattractive due to being disfigured by scarring from skin issues. I also have abnormally pale and blotchy skin which draws disgust. I haven't always been in this position, prior I was a 6 I would say. I was well liked and sought after even. Now I'm disfigured, so that gets you a 0 or a 2 in decent lighting. I got a taste of both worlds so I know the difference in treatment well, and I see how that correlates to people who are ugly, deformed, diseased, etc.

I'm a woman. I stopped having friends 10 years ago when I was first disfigured. I have a few online. I only date people who know my story, know what I've been through and how much it impacts me, and always people I meet online before revealing my face. Sex is much lower than before, but not nonexistent. I'm extremely shelled up. My personality is locked away now. My confidence is nonexistent and my strength is almost drained to nothing.

I'm on my second plastic surgeon. I haven't left my house in over 2 years, I gave up the fight. I got a degree and work exclusively remotely. I'm pro plastic surgery for severe cases. I've had comforting and comfortable experiences at these cosmetic appointments. I've had 30-40% improve so far and I'm doing another in May which is more intensive and should bring results. Fingers crossed I get to come back to a more level and normal life. Some of my better experiences have come from just addressing the issue head on with procedures. Psychologically, I'm burdened by my experiences. It takes a toll, I know you know that.

There are unique challenges for men and women with this issue I would imagine. I might get more sympathy from women. Men have been vicious to me at times. That always produced the most shocking interactions. It felt extremely primal, like they wanted to tear me up for being female and being unsightly. Anger comes from men more than women for me. Women look away, maybe they are saddened. I feel the opposite might be true for men? I think people can be cruel when facing an ugly member of the opposite sex. They do some kind of evaluation differently, probably some subtle sexual evaluation.

Best things I've done are 1. Procedures 2. Clinging to whatever passions you still might have that don't involve others 3. Not subjecting myself to that treatment anymore for 8+ hours a day, remote was the only option 4. Being upfront with online friends that I'm fucked 5. Trying to salvage whatever dignity you can.

How about you, I would love to hear your story.

Wrote out a long reply but it was considered as spam for some reason and has to manually be approved by mods, but I made a post about it.

I Want To CTB Due To Lookism

I was average to decent looking as a kid. I still had many problems, my parents were abusive back then, I was bullied by peers, and even got a diagnosis of autism. However, life was still bearable back then, I was unpopular in school but still had friends who were also unpopular and had high...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[FuneralCry]

Unfortunately the reality is that we exist in a world where humans really are so cruel and judgemental. So many of them look down on others who they perceive as being inferior to them as it gives them a feeling of superiority, maybe if they could experience life the same way as other people then they wouldn't treat them so badly. But it's true that many people who exist here just make this world even more of a hellish place with how insensitive they are.

 

[DesireDeath]

Unfortunately the reality is that we exist in a world where humans really are so cruel and judgemental. So many of them look down on others who they perceive as being inferior to them as it gives them a feeling of superiority, maybe if they could experience life the same way as other people then they wouldn't treat them so badly. But it's true that many people who exist here just make this world even more of a hellish place with how insensitive they are.

Bumping this thread again, I really wish people would write about lookism more. Obviously, nothing has changed for me and things are only getting worse. Something which significantly affects the lives of millions of people deserves more attention.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I think people fear the idea of not looking good and as a result treat others who do not meet the beauty standards as beneath them. Maybe it is an instinctual thing to stay away from "ugly" (whatever your definition may be) people because then they themselves will lose their aforementioned "beauty". They will be seen as outcasts. But when they mix with their groups, people who look like them and seek like them, they find comfort in knowing that they fit in and won't be bullied for their looks.

I hope what I said makes sense. But also, I do believe somewhat that it is possible to form relationships and be successful regardless of your looks. You mentioned some social difficulties and while I understand it could be attributed to your looks, there may be outstanding "issues" affecting your performance. But I am not you and you know yourself best <3

 

[Bluebunnysky]

Death is the great equalizer; We all go to the same place eventually no matter who we are, who we were, or what we owned.

"At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go back in the same box." -Italian Proverb

 

[Unattainable666]

I don't believe people have ugly faces - different faces yes. The ugly comes in when their heart is black and their soul is black or better yet when they have no heart, soul or conscience. That to me is ugly and intolerable.

 

[nopointinlivingg]

Tbh I'm so tired of hearing about "human nature." Are the societies we've built, the languages we've developed, the astounding violence we've unleashed through man-made weapons in any way natural? Why do people only want to bring up "human nature" when a negative aspect of how we act within these parameters is addressed? There is no "human nature," we've already proven that. Everything in human society can be conditioned away, if we want it to be.

My point is, OP, you're gaslighting yourself if you say it's understandable to be treated as you are simply because of your appearance. It isn't.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

As much as I'm envious of people with pretty privilege, I'm starting to look at being ugly as a good thing. Its like you know people are interacting with you because of your personality or whatever else it is about you that they like. Sure, being attractive would be wonderful. I wish I was. But imagine never knowing if someone was only talking to you because you were hot? That sounds terribly lonely and sad. It's like the major advantage of being ugly is it weeds out the most superficial people. Being ugly is almost a superpower in a way

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

I used to love my image as a teen. I used to love that skinny figure with long hair and red lipstick on the mirror. Then I grew up, got fat, let my hair grow natural. Now I'm skinny again but people make mean comments about my looks. Oh she is so ugly. Oh she cut her hair like a man. Oh she doesn't have an ass. I hate myself.

 

[Argo]

You already covered why people don't prefer ugly faces, why there's a negative reaction. That part is not a mystery. But why they *dehumanize*, that part is more interesting because we don't talk about that as often. We dehumanize because we're a psychopathic self-absorbed species that does not care about suffering unless we get something out of it. If you see someone suffering on the street, do you do something about it? No, you're self-interested. What will you get out of it? Will you get some fame? Or maybe you'll get personal satisfaction, you'll get to feel good like a hero and tell yourself how great you are, even if no one sees it, no one rewards you? Again it's "you you you" the whole way through. That's what it means to be a dumb monkey, it's to be interested in yourself, and callous to others. That's what has evolved over these hundreds of thousands of years, we are evil monkeys. Not good monkeys, but evil monkeys who pretend to be a good as a fake signalling system because it makes this world look less hellish. If we showed our true form as a species we would very hastily destroy ourselves because we would be utterly disgusted at the fucking monster that evolution has made. That's why camouflage and masks evolved-- to protect our survival from ourselves so we can continue to grow in power like the DNA that mindlessly drives us forward "wants".

 

[Aim]

Because it takes a whole lot of intelligence to look at something without judging it! Some people obliviously have both huge problems and extreme low analytical intelligence.