Why do people get mad when you say this in response to why you don’t want to do something?

[V0latile]

"I don't want to." Many people press on and ask the question again. It's so infuriating that people don't accept "I don't want to" as a reason for not wanting to do something.

 

[End Piece]

Curiousity, or they think you're being a brat. :/

 

[V0latile]

Curiousity, or they think you're being a brat. :/

It's a perfectly acceptable reason. Nosy people are the worst.

 

[MeltingHeart]

when it come to..why I dont want to proceed with life for much longer, I would say yes! they wouldnt properly listen/ point blank refuse to even TRY and understand the answer anyway

"I don't want to." Many people press on and ask the question again. It's so infuriating that people don't accept "I don't want to" as a reason for not wanting to do something.

In other things though- I think it kind of depends on the situation and context- as I guess some people could argue that everyone has to do things they dont want to do-because some things just need to get done, also it can be good for self-discipline that might actually be beneficial for that person, or some things might just be polite, kind or responsible. Say a teenager that lives at home 'doesnt want' to do their own dishes-prob good that someone calls them up on this- so they learn behaviours for their good in the long-term, or if you own a dog- you might not want to take it for a walk-but you kind of have to as thats part of the deal of having a pet, sometimes I wouldnt want to go for a run & i'd say 'I dont want to' but my partner would slightly nag/ urge me as knew it helped me- and then I would often feel much better after doing that thing I initially didnt want to do. Many people dont want to go to a job interview or meeting etc-but they have to-as its all part of adult life and positive things might come from it, even though the thing itself is not an experience you want to go through to get there. Just a few examples I thought of.

 

[BlueWidow]

I agree with MeltingHeart that it depends on the situation.

I assume the OP was talking about when someone asks you to do something like go out somewhere with them and you don't feel like going out. In my case, my sister-in-law keeps wanting me to go out with her and ride around for hours in her car while we stop and visit various friends of hers that I don't know. I've told her over and over how exhausting that is for me, but she either doesn't believe me or doesn't care because she still keeps asking me to go. Now when she asks, I tell her I'm not feeling well and leave it at that. In a situation like that, I think it's fine to say you don't want to go and nothing more. You don't owe the person a further explanation.

In the situations like MeltingHeart is talking about, I think it's usually the person who is the most bothered by whatever it is that ends up doing the task, ie washing the dirty dishes, replacing the toilet paper roll, walking the dog, etc. I used to be the one who ended up doing everything because I was the most bothered by whatever it was. When I realized that, I started training myself to let things go. It's not a big issue for me anymore since I live alone now. I can do things whenever I want, or let them go if I want.

 

[V0latile]

I agree with MeltingHeart that it depends on the situation.

I assume the OP was talking about when someone asks you to do something like go out somewhere with them and you don't feel like going out. In my case, my sister-in-law keeps wanting me to go out with her and ride around for hours in her car while we stop and visit various friends of hers that I don't know. I've told her over and over how exhausting that is for me, but she either doesn't believe me or doesn't care because she still keeps asking me to go. Now when she asks, I tell her I'm not feeling well and leave it at that. In a situation like that, I think it's fine to say you don't want to go and nothing more. You don't owe the person a further explanation.

In the situations like MeltingHeart is talking about, I think it's usually the person who is the most bothered by whatever it is that ends up doing the task, ie washing the dirty dishes, replacing the toilet paper roll, walking the dog, etc. I used to be the one who ended up doing everything because I was the most bothered by whatever it was. When I realized that, I started training myself to let things go. It's not a big issue for me anymore since I live alone now. I can do things whenever I want, or let them go if I want.

I meant in regard to your first example

 

[MeltingHeart]

I agree with MeltingHeart that it depends on the situation.

I assume the OP was talking about when someone asks you to do something like go out somewhere with them and you don't feel like going out. In my case, my sister-in-law keeps wanting me to go out with her and ride around for hours in her car while we stop and visit various friends of hers that I don't know. I've told her over and over how exhausting that is for me, but she either doesn't believe me or doesn't care because she still keeps asking me to go. Now when she asks, I tell her I'm not feeling well and leave it at that. In a situation like that, I think it's fine to say you don't want to go and nothing more. You don't owe the person a further explanation.

In the situations like MeltingHeart is talking about, I think it's usually the person who is the most bothered by whatever it is that ends up doing the task, ie washing the dirty dishes, replacing the toilet paper roll, walking the dog, etc. I used to be the one who ended up doing everything because I was the most bothered by whatever it was. When I realized that, I started training myself to let things go. It's not a big issue for me anymore since I live alone now. I can do things whenever I want, or let them go if I want.

Not that it is ok but is she trying to find an excuse/ way to spend time with you? Maybe she is being very misguided in her judgement that it will be 'good' for you in some way? (obvs still not saying you should be forced to do something). I guess I always try and see things from another perspective- maybe if they dont know why-they cant understand it? But most certainly if you say you really dont feel like it & it leaves you exhauted she should totally respect that. Why do you think she reacts that way when you try and explain/ put your foot down?

I meant in regard to your first example

fair enough then for sure

 

[BlueWidow]

Not that it is ok but is she trying to find an excuse/ way to spend time with you? Maybe she is being very misguided in her judgement that it will be 'good' for you in some way? (obvs still not saying you should be forced to do something). I guess I always try and see things from another perspective- maybe if they dont know why-they cant understand it? But most certainly if you say you really dont feel like it & it leaves you exhauted she should totally respect that. Why do you think she reacts that way when you try and explain/ put your foot down?

Yes, I have thought that she may be trying to spend time with me. I have told her that if she wants me to go out somewhere with her that I need some notice ahead of time and it can only last a couple of hours or so because if I'm forced to jump up and go at a moment's notice or stay out all day, I get so exhausted that I have to spend the next day or two in bed recovering. I always get the feeling she doesn't believe me when I tell her how sick I am. Actually, I feel like no one around me believes me.
I've also told her before that if forcing myself to do things even though they make me feel worse was the cure, I'd have been cured long ago because I've been pushing myself to do things for years and years. I think that's one reason why I'm in such bad shape now.
I don't know if she doesn't believe me or if she really doesn't understand. If she doesn't believe me, then I don't know what more I can do to convince her that I'm telling the truth. If she doesn't understand, I don't know how else to explain it to her. I think she wants my health problems to be easily fixed and they just aren't. I think she doesn't want to face the truth. I wish I had that option.

 

[TAW122]

From my experiences, people assume that I'm just being stubborn or simply lazy. The being a 'brat' things does feel similar to being stubborn though. Sometimes, I do have legitimate reasons for not wanting to do something but would rather withhold said reason because I don't want to stir the pot and cause tension.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I say no once. I say it a second time. Then I say, gently but firmly, with direct eye contact, "I don't like saying no more than twice."

In my experience, people catch on to that boundary pretty quickly.


Maybe it will work for others, too, if they want to try it.

 

[nitrogen]

I say no once. I say it a second time. Then I say, gently but firmly, with direct eye contact, "I don't like saying no more than twice."

In my experience, people catch on to that boundary pretty quickly.


Maybe it will work for others, too, if they want to try it.

Silly you. The stupid fucker @V0latile just got banished.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/anyone-else-hoping-to-catch-the-coronavirus.31332/

Boundaries, boundaries, I know. I'll leave you alone. You write high-quality stuff, I live this previous comment of mine down.