![greyblue_bian](/data/avatars/l/40/40378.jpg?1723090700)
greyblue_bian
2x Failed CTB Member
- Jun 10, 2022
- 162
I always hear this and at this point, it gets me so pissed. People have always said to me they could never tell and that I never gave any signs that I was suicidal or that I was going to try killing myself. Maybe they're subtle and I just brush off anyone questions sometimes when they ask, but literally every time before I've attempted I've isolated myself entirely, given up on everything I used to want to do and ended up venting and having emotional breakdowns in front of someone but then I guess they think I'm fine when a week or two passes by and they don't see me crying (?). They think because there is just a few days of me being fine that means I must be healed from everything and that I'm just fine and then people just stop. They stop checking in on you and then you have to reach out to be spoken to. They expect you to be fine and then if you bring up the fact that you are still hurt from what happened a little while ago, they think you're just being stupid and "holding onto things that don't serve you". I genuinely think that is such a joke. I can't just "let go" of what happened when it was literally abuse and that I've been constantly abused in all ways for my entire life. Even IF I was a more optimistic person, this abuse would have fucked me up and I would need still need some help in the long run. I only have like 1 person that will check in on me and actually listen to me and help me when I need it at this point. Everyone else just says "I'm sorry..." or gives me some pep talk like I should move on and let it go right now and act like it never happened.
Sorry, this is a vent and something that has genuinely been bothering me for a very long time.
Sorry, this is a vent and something that has genuinely been bothering me for a very long time.