Why do I want to harm myself as soon as things are going well?

[body_snatcher]

I've been getting my life together, my finances, figuring my shit out. I'm trying to be positive and make good changes, stop eating food that makes me sick all the time. Just simple things but I've made some big changes. I almost feel high off of it, but now my scissors beckon me once again and I do not understand why. Every time things are good in my life I find some way to sabotage myself it's so disturbing. Is this a bipolar thing? I feel like I'm living in a fucking horror movie

 

[psp3000]

I have been wondering the same thing to myself as well and I'm glad it's not just me

I get the urge because things sometimes seem to be going too well or suspiciously well and will go bad out of nowhere almost every time on purpose like some unknown thing or force (I can't explain it) so I'd rather have a reason or source (myself) as to why things went bad or to possibly to prevent things from going awry

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I've been getting my life together, my finances, figuring my shit out. I'm trying to be positive and make good changes, stop eating food that makes me sick all the time. Just simple things but I've made some big changes. I almost feel high off of it, but now my scissors beckon me once again and I do not understand why. Every time things are good in my life I find some way to sabotage myself it's so disturbing. Is this a bipolar thing? I feel like I'm living in a fucking horror movie

I don't really know you or your situation but this kind of thing can be caused by all sorts of internal and external circumstances.

Sometimes people self sabotage because of low self esteem. They feel like they don't deserve to have nice things so they hurt themselves in order to feel less guilty.

This kind of response can also be due to fear. If a person is used to having nice things abruptly taken away from them by others, it can be easier just to self sabotage. That way, they feel there's no chance that things will spiral out of their control.

Other times it's just a matter of familiarity. Coping with change, even the good healthy kind, can be very difficult for a lot of people. Because of this, when making changes for the better someone might feel the desire to return to older, self destructing habits. Because that's what's familiar.

I'm not sure if any of these reasons resonate with you (because I don't personally know you) but I hope this was helpful and I wish you luck on getting to the root of the issue!

 

[illvoid]

I have the same problem. My therapist suggested to me that it's because I take comfort in the familiar and am not used to things going right. SH also has a tendency to become very addictive. It's something you have total control over & does trigger a chemical release in the brain that you likely crave. As confusing and fucked up as it seems, I promise you will get through it. When you feel the urge, try to identify why. It might help you understand what's making you feel that way & what you can do to change it.