why do i try

[goonhole]

you think im not worthy of living because i didnt try.
this is exactly how i always felt.

and then there was a break where i didnt feel like that anymore.
that must have been a trick, because the way it is now doesnt add up.

its me against everyone else,
and i think you would find it pretty hard to do anything youre doing
if you didnt have an advantage that was placed in your lap.

maybe there is freedom in accepting what is happening.

maybe what i think i wanted with you is just a prison where ill never be good enough.

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

I don't know who this is for, but I related to a lot that you talked about. I'm not a friendly person, I used to be, I used to be friends with everyone, but then they started using me, and pulling me apart. And now I find it hard to open up again. I just don't know how to do it without getting hurt. I hope you can find someone here, if you want, I will be available to talk to. It's so hard to trust again, but even if not to trust, but just to talk.

 

[goonhole]

trust is no longer an option. that human connection i used to think life was about is gone then. whats left?

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

trust is no longer an option. that human connection i used to think life was about is gone then. whats left?

Life doesn't have to be about human connection. I've survived this long with limited human connection, I've focused on trying to improve my personal life for myself. It still sucks sometimes. I mean, I'm here for fucks sake, but focusing on myself has kept me afloat for now. I just chase what is supposed to make me happy.

 

[goonhole]

thats the sick part.
me chasing what is supposed to make me happy is whats funny to everyone.

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

thats the sick part.
me chasing what is supposed to make me happy is whats funny to everyone.

But you do have something that makes you happy. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Try not to care that other people find it funny, do it for yourself

 

[goonhole]

i dont have it. and its not just that i want it, i need it.
and its not that i have the opportunity to have it, because the ways in which i do not have it suggest that i never will.
they suggest that i never had the opportunity to begin with, and infact quite the opposite.
death is truly the only thing that will bring me true peace now.
anything else is just postponing the inevitable.
i wont be able to sit here and pretend that i find comfort in anything or anyone else.
I'm sure this place must be used to word vomit and multiple thread postings.
emotions are powerful things, so when I have feelings that bring me here I don't fret terribly about breaking rules of etiquette that would get you deported on reddit.
my support system is garbage, this is all I have.