Why do I think I'm so worthless. Why do I feel like I've accomplished nothing. I almost got my engineering degree. I got good internships. I'm not all that in debt. Why do I hate myself so much. Why do I feel like no one cares about me. Not sure what to do. I'm just getting tired of this feeling. Of this dependence. The only thing that keeps me going is my relationships with people. Which are so few and far between I'm struggling to stop these thoughts. I felt pretty good this whole week and yet these thoughts of CTB still come. One of the biggest things stopping me is a dream I had where I show myself in the head and I remember how it felt, how bad it hurt. That pain scares me. I hope it continues to scare me. My drive to live is draining. This is exhausting. I just want to get better. I know people will miss me if I'm gone. At least that's what I choose to believe, to survive, even though I don't feel it. Do I even deserve to vent when my life isn't even bad?
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I was someone who deeply cared about opinion of other people but that took a huge toll on my mental health.I no longer care about opinion of others and this was partly helped by the ancient philosophy of cynicism(search about diogenes the cynic).
Also stoicism has helped me a lot as well.
We are capable of creating joy or misery independent of the environment we live in.
Through thought alone one can find joy in the middle of war or one can be miserable while living in a paradise.
These are the words of Epictetus (who was an ancient stoic philosopher born as a slave)
Also stoicism has helped me a lot as well.
We are capable of creating joy or misery independent of the environment we live in.
Through thought alone one can find joy in the middle of war or one can be miserable while living in a paradise.
These are the words of Epictetus (who was an ancient stoic philosopher born as a slave)
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TransilvanianHunger
Grave with a view...
- Jan 22, 2023
- 354
Yes, you do, because there is no minimum requirement for feeling like shit. We all go through it, so feel free to let it all out.
This is a familiar feeling for me. Used to be quite strong, and I still feel it sometimes. I have my own place, my own money, many skills, a degree... still, I felt like a waste of space and an utter failure. It's something I've been working on with my analyst for some time. I had a bit of a conflict between what was expected of me, what I grew up thinking would make me a good, functional adult, what I was taught "success" looked like, and what I find personally interesting, satisfying, and meaningful. Part of my feeling of being a failure was that, the more I tried to fit that learnt model of "success", the further away I moved from things I found personally meaningful. It's been a process, steering my life back towards something that works for me instead of trying to match what others expected.
Don't know if you've given this a try, but a psychotherapist could be able to guide you in working through these feelings you're having. I'd suggest someone on the psychodynamic/psychoanalytic side instead of a CBT practitioner or similar, because it sounds like you'd benefit from addressing underlying issues instead of just needing to learn some coping strategies to keep pushing on.
theslasher
psychonaut
- Jun 12, 2023
- 184
You do not HAVE to base your self worth based on how others see you. How you measure your self worth is a choice. There are many other people in this world going through their own problems and have no idea how to express it.. so they take it out on others as if they are an emotional punching bag. That dynamic is not healthy for either party. I don't know if that's what you're going through but that happened to me with my family. And for years it really messed me up, until I realized that it didn't matter what I did. I didn't matter whether I was nice or mean, these people would always have a problem with me because they feel the need to reflect unto others how the world treated them. Those people are sick. You cannot allow them to dictate your self worth. How would someone else possibly know more about you than YOU? They are trying to measure your self worth with a broken measuring tool. I say to hell with that. If someone thinks you have no worth then who cares. We do not live in villages where someone's opinion on you means you'll be outcasted from the village and you'll die. The year is 2023 and we're at the point that someone's perception of our self worth is irrelevant to your survival.. (unless you allow other's opinions to have power over you). Anyone who treats you that way and tries to bring you down to their level has plenty of things they are dealing with. Any mentally healthy and mature person wouldn't go out of their way to lower someone else just for their own gain. I'm a 21 year old male and I basically have no friends, at least none that I talk to on a regular basis. This is a cultural phenomenon and not something entirely under your control so don't take 100% of the blame for that. There has clearly been a lot going on these past few decades let alone these past few years that make socializing more difficult and/or superficial. So don't think that's all on you my friend. BUT do focus on the things you CAN control. If someone disrespects you, maintain your composure, stand up for yourself, and if they continue to do so, simply discard them from your life. If your workplace is toxic and you're absolutely miserable there and not even a change of mindset can fix that problem, then change your environment, switch jobs. Take care of yourself, get good sleep, make sure you get in a little exercise, hydrate, eat well, take care of hygiene, stand up tall, etc.. Do all of these small things. If you yourself don't believe you are worthy of being loved, your subconscious mind will lead you to do things that prove you are not worthy of love. You are too attached to this identity of someone you don't have to be. Your name is literally "LonelyTurkey" lmao. Don't tie your identity to a word like that. There's a difference between "alone" and "lonely". You can be in a room with millions of people, but still feel lonely. Or you can be alone, but feel at peace. Anyways, start doing those small things I recommended. Shift your identity within your mind that you ARE worthy of love. You ARE worthy of having a prosperous life. If you shift your identity and do these small habits then your subconscious mind will slowly start pushing you towards that direction (your automatic thinking patterns will change. Read Psyhco-Cybernetics to learn more about that).
You asked, "Do I even deserve to vent when my life isn't even bad?" and that's not really how you should even look at it. The reason people say to look at others who are in a "worse" situation than you is meant to make the person more grateful for what they have. That thought experiment is NOT meant to invalidate YOUR struggles. Just because you have DIFFERENT struggles, does not invalidate your struggles in any way. Of course there's always something to be grateful for, but do not feel guilty for having thoughts on CTB even if your life might look good on paper. Many people think of CTB whether they are ultra wealthy or live in poverty. Struggles are a part of life (and always will be) no matter how much money you have or how educated you are. The difference is the types of struggles that we face, and how we deal with them.
"Why do I feel like I've accomplished nothing?" You have a lot to be proud of. You're almost done with your degree. That says a lot about you. Only 2/3 of high-school graduates even attempt college. And out of those 2, only 1 graduates. And even out of those 1 who do stay in college, many get bullshit degrees and get into a lot of debt. Me personally I could never do college again, it's not my thing. After dropping out, I tried again and just could not do it. Luckily there's an infinite amount of paths to take other than college so it'll all work out. But you did what I and many others could not. On top of that, in a very hard and respectable degree. You have a lot to be proud of. And I really wouldn't validate the opinion of anyone who thinks differently.
Spike Spiegel
Member
- Sep 26, 2022
- 68
I know what you mean when you say you live for the relationships of others. I watched a show (Death Parade) where the main character was able to observe her mother crying over her memorial after she committed suicide. It was a hard moment to watch and has stayed with me when I don't want to live for myself. Also simple human interaction goes a long long way.
I think comparing ourselves to others in any capacity is one of our greatest vices. I find it often just leads to self deprecation and loathing. We all deserve to share how we feel even if in our minds we tell ourselves its nothing and try to be "strong". Its very possible the problems you have would be enough to break someone else its also possible you would handle a difficult situation better then someone else. Neither should prevent the issue from being spoken about.
Its very very difficult, however try to learn to be proud of yourself. Even when you do things that you or your family expect. Often we only care about the end goal yet there are so many accomplishments that are required to get there.
Regardless you always have the right to vent, I wish you the best.
I think comparing ourselves to others in any capacity is one of our greatest vices. I find it often just leads to self deprecation and loathing. We all deserve to share how we feel even if in our minds we tell ourselves its nothing and try to be "strong". Its very possible the problems you have would be enough to break someone else its also possible you would handle a difficult situation better then someone else. Neither should prevent the issue from being spoken about.
Its very very difficult, however try to learn to be proud of yourself. Even when you do things that you or your family expect. Often we only care about the end goal yet there are so many accomplishments that are required to get there.
Regardless you always have the right to vent, I wish you the best.
Thank you for the long thoughtful post. Thankfully my family is amazing, no drama and they express their love often. I just have the problem of not being able to feel it I guess, or maybe I don't believe it. I'll implement the things you said into my life and will continue to reflect on this post. Thank you.
For me, we are all family here, looking out and helping each other, no matter the outcome. With that said you have all the rights in the world to vent here and to get loving help from others here.
I am 67, reference point for this post and I have had so many ups. downs and everything in-between, that it makes my head hurt sometimes if I think about it.
I always feel that we have a huge right to feel whatever we want and to vent is a healthy form of letting things go.
You are a very intelligent and caring person, your post says that so loud and clear and at the end of the day, you WILL be a winner and the good aspects will always out shadow and overcome whatever is thrown at you. That is my life in a nutshell, and I wish nothing but the very best for you.
Always around if you want to talk, as some parts of your thread is me, albeit a long time ago, but nevertheless the same.
Walter
I am 67, reference point for this post and I have had so many ups. downs and everything in-between, that it makes my head hurt sometimes if I think about it.
I always feel that we have a huge right to feel whatever we want and to vent is a healthy form of letting things go.
You are a very intelligent and caring person, your post says that so loud and clear and at the end of the day, you WILL be a winner and the good aspects will always out shadow and overcome whatever is thrown at you. That is my life in a nutshell, and I wish nothing but the very best for you.
Always around if you want to talk, as some parts of your thread is me, albeit a long time ago, but nevertheless the same.
Walter
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
People are ignorant, if you judge yourself based on the opinions of others it would actually be judging yourself incorrectly. You also know more about yourself and your struggles than other people. If you were to listen to others, they would always think that they are the only person with any difficulty or struggle in their immediate vicinity and that it's everyone else that isn't good enough. Then again I grew up with a toxic family so that's just my viewpoint.
Eventhough it's an awful feeling, it's nice to know I'm not alone in the way I feel. I'll look into these therapies. I'm sure I have underlying issues that I just don't know how to process. Thank you.
These are helpful to think about. I've known people in worse situations than me that seems far happier. Thank you.
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Celerity
shape without form, shade without colour
- Jan 24, 2021
- 2,733
I feel this so much. It was a painful journey to get here, but I am so glad to have figured at least some of it out. I was so lost before.
Recently, I have felt this equanimity begin to fade and my old, unreasonably self-critical habits return. Have you had this experience? It's like I almost forget what I have learned and have to remind myself.
TransilvanianHunger
Grave with a view...
- Jan 22, 2023
- 354
Yes, it's something that happens now and again. Right now I'm working on moving towards a new, more meaningful direction, and thinking about getting there makes me feel good, like it's worth the effort and I'm on the right track. But there are bumps in the road, and slow days, and days where my mood is in the gutter, and those days I feel the doubt creeping back in. Is it really worthwhile? Am I actually capable of getting there? And even if I do get there, then what? Am I just lying to myself?
It feels like I slide back and forget what I've learned, but that's not really the case. The main difference is that I am now able to (most days) catch myself while I'm falling back into those old thought patterns, and then I start asking myself questions about what I'm feeling. Did something happen? Did the situation change? Do I still want to do this? I try to answer those questions as honestly and objectively as possible, and eventually realise that I'm just going through a bit of a slump or a rough patch, and that's completely normal. If my mood is low, I can allow myself to just feel it for a bit, process my emotions, and eventually it'll pass. I'm still on the road I want to be. It's what I've chosen, and I'm doing it because it matters to me.
I'm sure you haven't forgotten what you've learned on your journey, either. When the harsh self-criticism returns, take a pause and try to figure out if the criticism is based on anything real, or if you're giving a voice to those unreasonable expectations that you had to deal with in the past. Give yourself a chance to feel however you're feeling, knowing that it's not a permanent change. You won't feel great all the time, and you won't feel bad all the time either. These fluctuations are part of being human, and you shouldn't judge yourself for going through them.
You are such a thoughtful, kind and wonderful soul.
Having you as a family member to/for me makes each day so much brighter, thank you.
Walter
dreambound
Student
- Dec 14, 2021
- 109
comparison is a anxiety-filled road to travel on & yet our education system openly encourages comparison & competition.
As people move through their formative years the transition goes from comparison to imitation to conformity...
You cannot underestimate the role of conditioning through education, television, movies, social media & so on.
If you can recognise it in yourself & others when it arises, you may see how harmful comparison,& giving importance to
the opinions of others can be, but i realize how differcult this can be when it is such an integral part of society ........
As people move through their formative years the transition goes from comparison to imitation to conformity...
You cannot underestimate the role of conditioning through education, television, movies, social media & so on.
If you can recognise it in yourself & others when it arises, you may see how harmful comparison,& giving importance to
the opinions of others can be, but i realize how differcult this can be when it is such an integral part of society ........
