Venting why do i have a perfect life and i still want to ctb

[109]

i have the life i wished for years ago so why do i feel the closest ive ever been to getting tickets to be on the bus

 

[illicit]

i honestly feel the same way, it's so weird. like, i have everything i need / want, yet feel the desire to die. maybe it's depression, i'm not quite sure. personally i still suffer from depression, i think it's something you can't fully get rid of, you know? something that can be reduced for sure but not truly something you can get rid of. i have no clue if you can relate to that at all but i just wanted to give you a third party perspective and see if it might aligns with your situation.

 

[109]

i honestly feel the same way, it's so weird. like, i have everything i need / want, yet feel the desire to die. maybe it's depression, i'm not quite sure. personally i still suffer from depression, i think it's something you can't fully get rid of, you know? something that can be reduced for sure but not truly something you can get rid of. i have no clue if you can relate to that at all but i just wanted to give you a third party perspective and see if it might aligns with your situation.

thank you for making me feel less alone. honestly I can't tell if i want to try to live more or ctb, and the depression makes it hard to see past it to be able to tell
i have been off of my ssris for a few days, i got back from my withdrawal 2 nights ago but nothing really feels different than the weeks before, it's all almost the exact same cycle like im wasting a life that was so graciously given to me
like the pit in my stomach isn't from the withdrawal anymore, or the hunger, it's just always been there

 

[sos]

perhaps that you haven't done or found that one thing in life that really makes your life perfect

you see it as perfect now bc this is the life that youve wanted, but your feeling simply doesnt seem to confirm the thought

so yea, i dont think that youre there yet and have to explore further and hopefully find the things that truly let you feeling wise know that youve found your place in life

 

[derpyderpins]

Once you have everything, there's no 'if only if X' to hold onto, sadly. I've got the wonderful wife and home, so my last X is enough money to quit work. Luckily - I say jokingly - that seems too far off to be possible so I can always hold onto that hope.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

perhaps that you haven't done or found that one thing in life that really makes your life perfect

The thing is, a lot of people still feel suicidal even after finding the thing in life that makes it perfect.

 

[dinosavr]

The sad truth is that life sucks, no matter what. This world is full of evil people, cruelty and suffering, and there's not much we can do to stop it. We can try and distract ourselves by trying to achieve our goals etc, but depression may hit you hard anyway

 

[divinemistress36]

The sad truth is that life sucks, no matter what. This world is full of evil people, cruelty and suffering, and there's not much we can do to stop it. We can try and distract ourselves by trying to achieve our goals etc, but depression may hit you hard anyway

I agree . Even if I was rich I would still want to ctb

 

[charcoalcat]

Suicidal ideation is a virus. Once you get it it will stay with you for life.

 

[109]

perhaps that you haven't done or found that one thing in life that really makes your life perfect

you see it as perfect now bc this is the life that youve wanted, but your feeling simply doesnt seem to confirm the thought

so yea, i dont think that youre there yet and have to explore further and hopefully find the things that truly let you feeling wise know that youve found your place in life

i want to believe this but i found the most perfect person on earth to me, someone i hold very dearly and i truly believe is a soulmate if they exist, like we've met in lifetimes before. and yet i still feel like id rather leave this life without him than stay. it makes me feel so sad, but i dont want to hurt him more by staying
i truly believe my life is perfect, the worst part of it is my existence in it
i would love to watch someone play out my life for me and make better decisions than i did

Once you have everything, there's no 'if only if X' to hold onto, sadly. I've got the wonderful wife and home, so my last X is enough money to quit work. Luckily - I say jokingly - that seems too far off to be possible so I can always hold onto that hope.

this gives me a good perspective, thank you
i think the thing I'm trying to hold on to is the idea that my partner and i will have a home together, but i just know that when we live together, the ideation will still live with us

 

[dontlook]

I definitely don't feel like my life is perfect. Far from it. It feels like a nightmare.

But I do feel like I got so lucky with my partner. We're best friends, she feels like my other half. But I don't know if I can keep going. I feel like a monster for wanting to leave her like this, because she also struggles with mental health issues.

I hate myself for still wanting to commit despite her doing everything in her power to help me and love me

 

[109]

I agree . Even if I was rich I would still want to ctb

at least if i were rich I'd have the power to alleviate more suffering from hunger or homelessness and stuff. in this life I'm too poor to make a difference, since all my positive changes cant make up for the hurt ive caused people, money arguably might lol

I definitely don't feel like my life is perfect. Far from it. It feels like a nightmare.

But I do feel like I got so lucky with my partner. We're best friends, she feels like my other half. But I don't know if I can keep going. I feel like a monster for wanting to leave her like this, because she also struggles with mental health issues.

I hate myself for still wanting to commit despite her doing everything in her power to help me and love me

i feel like you and me are similar in some ways then
my partner, best friend, doesn't face quite as many issues as me but i know it would tear at them for the rest of their life and i really dont want to leave them, but i just want to leave
i feel bad that it doesn't feel like enough to save me even if theres endless effort
but ultimately i just dont want him to have to strain to save me, if I'm gone there's nothing left to worry about

 

[dontlook]

i feel like you and me are similar in some ways then
my partner, best friend, doesn't face quite as many issues as me but i know it would tear at them for the rest of their life and i really dont want to leave them, but i just want to leave
i feel bad that it doesn't feel like enough to save me even if theres endless effort
but ultimately i just dont want him to have to strain to save me, if I'm gone there's nothing left to worry about

Ah, see my partner is just about as bad off as me. But she wants to keep trying. She says she wants to live. And I want that for her, I want her to be happy more than anything. But I'm so scared that killing myself could ruin her chances or even drive her to kill herself as well. I can't handle it, I don't know what to do and I feel trapped