Why do I give people power over me

[Finished]

I spent the last few weeks letting someone play mind games on me! It ended up to be physical abuse! And now I find myself in a very deep depression! I have no desire to keep on with anything! Mainly because I love this person and I don't understand why! I want everything to end! Pain Hope Everything

 

[Worndown]

You can love the person he was and still avoid the person he is. Maybe he sensed a weakness and exploited it. It is something we all face in some form because we all have weaknesses.
You can move on if you want to. This situation should make it easier.
Let the anger help a little. That push in the right direction. (away from him)

 

[4eyebiped]

Physically or verbally abusing someone is a sign of weakness on the part of the abuser. There is not a good reason or excuse someone can use to justify that type of behavior. It isn't your fault. I agree that it sounds like a situation you need to remove yourself from. The abuse will destroy you mentally on so many levels. I hope you get the strength to move on.

 

[Jumper Geo]

It's hard with the Corona virus we are forced to stay in doors but just google domestic violence it has gone through the roof take back control and escape, there are shelters and help available.

Best wishes

Geo

 

[muffin222]

I don't know if this is a rhetorical question, but the answer lies somewhere in your childhood, most likely. It perhaps stems back to how your parents treated you or responded to you when you were younger and the subsequent beliefs/ "stories" you unconsciously formed about yourself and your worth as a person based upon that childhood treatment. Since I don't know you or your story, I obviously cannot say for sure, but abuse victims often tend to have been abused or mistreated (verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, etc) by others early in life. We tend to carry those unconscious beliefs about self-worth into our adult relationships. Not that ANY of this means that you in any way deserved the abuse or called it upon yourself, of course. Abuse is always the fault of the abuser

 

[Emily123]

what if i tell you that it was not her/him who did it to you . You did it to yourself .Nobody can harm us unless we open the door to that person . And there are some people who always want to be in a position of a victim and thet are always looking for someone to do the worst to them . When you love someone who doesn't deserve love or she/he doesn't love you back , it is time to stop you . if you don't , it means that you have dependencies because of your mental illness or personality disorders. it's not love. it's just a dependency . try to love yourself . find a therapist who can help you through your unrealistic views to the world

 

[Good4Nothing]

what if i tell you that it was not her/him who did it to you . You did it to yourself .

So, it was my own fault I was psychologically and emotionally abused as a child? As a 5 year old I really was the piece of shit my dad told me I was? Please tell me more about how I deserved to have my will broken and soul crushed at such a young age.

 

[Emily123]

So, it was my own fault I was psychologically and emotionally abused as a child? As a 5 year old I really was the piece of shit my dad told me I was? Please tell me more about how I deserved to have my will broken and soul crushed at such a young age.

i am really sorry for what happened to you. i didn't understand your post . it was not absolutely your fault that your father abused you when you were a kid . he did a horrible things and you could not protect yourself .

 

[Finished]

what if i tell you that it was not her/him who did it to you . You did it to yourself .Nobody can harm us unless we open the door to that person . And there are some people who always want to be in a position of a victim and thet are always looking for someone to do the worst to them . When you love someone who doesn't deserve love or she/he doesn't love you back , it is time to stop you . if you don't , it means that you have dependencies because of your mental illness or personality disorders. it's not love. it's just a dependency . try to love yourself . find a therapist who can help you through your unrealistic views to the world

That just proves to me that there is something wrong with me
I have had nothing but trauma my whole life and yeah as a young kid I guess I did it to myself the things that happen then you're right

 

[azdertex1598]

i think it's because of you're personnality , or some kind of fear hidden deep in you , or a deep need to this person to be with you so that's why you're being patient with him ;

 

[Good4Nothing]

That just proves to me that there is something wrong with me
I have had nothing but trauma my whole life and yeah as a young kid I guess I did it to myself the things that happen then you're right

No, this is victim blaming. Don't buy it.

 

[Emily123]

That just proves to me that there is something wrong with me
I have had nothing but trauma my whole life and yeah as a young kid I guess I did it to myself the things that happen then you're right

your father doesn't have any control on your life anymore . You are free from him and you can manage your life . i had the same father . i can not remember even one day in my childhood that he didn't beat me . he was trying to build someone else from me.

 

[Giraffey]

I had a wonderful childhood with not so much as a hint of trauma or abuse. It wasn't until my early twenties that I came to be abused by my then partner. It took me years before I was able to call her what she was - a perpetrator.

I've given speeches and I even shot a documentary about it, and I often get asked by people - why did you stay so long? Why did I not stop her or hit her back when she was beating me to a bloody pulp, or why did I not call for help when she had me in an execution pose and I literally had to beg her not to murder me?

Most people think the answer is weakness, that I stayed with her because I was weak. In part I guess there is some truth to that, I thought so lowly of myself that I figured I deserved nothing better. But it was also because I was strong. I lived for the good moments (which had become less and less frequent), I saw the good person inside her that nobody else could see and that is what I loved.

You are not weak Finished, you are actually incredibly strong, it takes great strength to continue to love someone in-spite of everything they've done, the pain they've caused.

But since you're already questioning it, I think that perhaps now is the time to think about investing that love and strength in somebody who deserves it - yourself.

The watershed moment for me came when after yet another devastating blow from my ex and the usual promises that everything would be different and she was changing etc, I asked myself - "if my best friend had done this to me, would I still call them my best friend?"

The moment I thought about it that way I felt the betrayal in a way I never had before and then it began to dawn on me just how much of her violence I had justified and blocked out. "it's okay, she only hits me when she loses her temper, it was my fault for winding her up". The illusion soon collapsed and I got out and stayed away.

I don't know what the key is for you Finished, but once you find it everything will make sense.

This awful man may not deserve your love, but you do not deserve your hate either.

 

[crybaby]

I am also experiencing all this and feel very sad ;(

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I spent the last few weeks letting someone play mind games on me! It ended up to be physical abuse! And now I find myself in a very deep depression! I have no desire to keep on with anything! Mainly because I love this person and I don't understand why! I want everything to end! Pain Hope Everything

same is happening to me. i gave everything to her and she just left me without a specific reason