attackingvertical
Member
- Oct 20, 2025
- 32
Just a warning for anyone with similar experiences who doesn't want to read this sort of thing: i'm going to mention unconsentual touch.
It feels wrong to call it an assault or anything, because I know this person had good intentions and it was a geniune mistake on their part. That's why I'm so confused as to why this has been so distressing to me. We were laying in bed cuddling, it was the second time ever we'd done so. Everything was fine until their hand went down onto the side of my chest and on it. I should've just said something, but i got so scared I just froze. I never thought of them as the sort of person who'd touch like that without asking first, and in that moment I couldn't stop myself from wondering how far it would go or what might happen if I spoke up. I just laid there like a coward. Their hand lingered there for a while, and they touched there five times. Eventually I opened my eyes and it was morning and their hand wasn't there, so I got up. We've never discussed any sort of intimacy before or even labelled ourselves. We've just been on a few dates and said I love you.
I've been a mess ever since. I already wasn't in a great mental state before and this incident sent me spiralling. I managed to keep it together in front of them, but whenever I was alone over the weekend i'd cry. I've been crying since I got home sunday. My manager sent me home early from work today because I've been so out of it.
I texted them last night and today and, as much as this sounds like coping to those who don't know them or me, I truly don't believe they had malicious intent. They've been super guilty and apologetic and never made me uncomfortable in the past. That's part of why I'm so confused as to why I've taken this so hard. I don't want to be near them or look at them or touch them. I can't without thinking about what happened and wondering why they did that without asking. I feel so dramatic about all of this, I shouldn't be crying so much. I don't know what to do.
It feels wrong to call it an assault or anything, because I know this person had good intentions and it was a geniune mistake on their part. That's why I'm so confused as to why this has been so distressing to me. We were laying in bed cuddling, it was the second time ever we'd done so. Everything was fine until their hand went down onto the side of my chest and on it. I should've just said something, but i got so scared I just froze. I never thought of them as the sort of person who'd touch like that without asking first, and in that moment I couldn't stop myself from wondering how far it would go or what might happen if I spoke up. I just laid there like a coward. Their hand lingered there for a while, and they touched there five times. Eventually I opened my eyes and it was morning and their hand wasn't there, so I got up. We've never discussed any sort of intimacy before or even labelled ourselves. We've just been on a few dates and said I love you.
I've been a mess ever since. I already wasn't in a great mental state before and this incident sent me spiralling. I managed to keep it together in front of them, but whenever I was alone over the weekend i'd cry. I've been crying since I got home sunday. My manager sent me home early from work today because I've been so out of it.
I texted them last night and today and, as much as this sounds like coping to those who don't know them or me, I truly don't believe they had malicious intent. They've been super guilty and apologetic and never made me uncomfortable in the past. That's part of why I'm so confused as to why I've taken this so hard. I don't want to be near them or look at them or touch them. I can't without thinking about what happened and wondering why they did that without asking. I feel so dramatic about all of this, I shouldn't be crying so much. I don't know what to do.
