Faejin
Member
- Feb 10, 2023
- 51
I am tired non-stop, but I still carry on and do this to better a future when I know that I won't be around to see the result of it all.
Why do I even do anything by this point? Why eat, drink, sleep, work, study? Should I not spend the rest of the time I give myself just having fun?
I always feel tired as if five trucks were on my back at all times, but I just keep going and I don't know why. Is it a sliver of hope that I'll get my will to live back? Or just plain obligation? I already wasted my youth by beating myself up over my mistakes, there's no point bothering to fix or solve anything now.
As a child I took a vow on my life to never willingly drink alcohol. Meaning that I would have to kill myself if I do. Why don't I just go get drunk for once and just end it?
I can't recall the last time I felt anything noteworthy except being exhausted all of the time. I have no motivation and not nearly enough discipline to keep this up, so why do I?
I know that there is no point to it, but yet I force myself up to do it anyways and I have no clue why. It just feels like I have to, an obligation or duty. Even if it makes my last few months hell too I know that I'll probably just keep at it for no reason except that I can.
Why do I even do anything by this point? Why eat, drink, sleep, work, study? Should I not spend the rest of the time I give myself just having fun?
I always feel tired as if five trucks were on my back at all times, but I just keep going and I don't know why. Is it a sliver of hope that I'll get my will to live back? Or just plain obligation? I already wasted my youth by beating myself up over my mistakes, there's no point bothering to fix or solve anything now.
As a child I took a vow on my life to never willingly drink alcohol. Meaning that I would have to kill myself if I do. Why don't I just go get drunk for once and just end it?
I can't recall the last time I felt anything noteworthy except being exhausted all of the time. I have no motivation and not nearly enough discipline to keep this up, so why do I?
I know that there is no point to it, but yet I force myself up to do it anyways and I have no clue why. It just feels like I have to, an obligation or duty. Even if it makes my last few months hell too I know that I'll probably just keep at it for no reason except that I can.