Why do I do terribly on dating apps but do well with women in person?

[Weebster]

.

 

[Someone123]

I have found dating apps to be way tougher than in person as well. I can get very attractive women interested in me in person but just getting interest from average or below average women online is a lot tougher. It's not clear why, but I am able to win people over quickly in person through humor and charm and somehow this doesn't work as well online. I'm 5' 9" but maybe online a girl wants someone a little taller, and other things are disected as well online. Before you can talk to a girl in person yo have to pass 100 tests- career, interests, goals, etc. I have had some success online but it is so much easier in person.

 

[DynamicDepression]

Dating apps are literal cancer and you're much better off talking to women in real life or on any other online forum. They're just meat markets where people go to stroke their own egos, often at expense of other people's feelings.

 

[Oblivion Access]

As someone who has had a lot of success on them, dating apps and their consequences have been a disaster for the human race. does a good job of breaking it down. They are built to give fortunate, attractive, white middle-class people an ego boost, if you don't fit within that narrow frame you're likely to suffer emotionally. I've still met some cool people on there but the structure itself is nasty and does nasty things to our brains imo.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

I think one of the main problems with online dating is that it is so anonymous and competitive, both of which lead to behaviors that are both more selfish and more unaccountable. It becomes much easier to dismiss 80% of the messages you receive and focus on only the top 20% when you can log in anytime and look through a sea of 250 options. It's also more impersonal, which makes it easier to be rude and dismissive without the civility and patience that most decent people try to display in reality.

When you're out in the world and there is one person in front of you who had the balls to make themselves vulnerable, if you reject them there's an excellent chance you might be going home alone, and you'll have to personally ruin their day to their face before you even get to know them.

That said, I don't buy into the conspiracy theories about it. I don't think it is designed to do anything other than make money. How it shakes out is just a math and behavioral problem that is a reflection of our innate selfishness and our unequal standards of beauty.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Because people online are choosing beggars.

They think they can post up a list of every desired character trait in a partner, and that some magical person is going to come along and fulfill all those standards.

Also, IRL, we take people at face value, without the checklist.

We get to know them organically, gradually, to learn their positives and negatives.

On the internet it's like sales catalogue: photos next to stats. Very.... unromantic.

And then the instigation of conversation via text, trying to think of something witty, unboring, but not too strange - it's all very absurdly curated.

IRL you can absorb facial expressions, vocal inflections, tones, body language, etc.

 

[Unhirable]

You probably DONT do as well with women in person than you think, for starters.

Secondly, the reason why is because there are more attractive people than you on these dating apps that the women would rather choose.