Discussion why do i continue to try even though ill be dead?

[underscore_nine]

being in hopefully the last 20 days of my life you'd think i'd be winding down, doing what i need to do before i fall into the arms of god. It doesn't feel right to not be studying for exams, alas here I am studying for an exam I will not take. I'm not sure why I'm so dedicated to a life that is soon to be over yet I just couldn't let myself fall. Anyone else who's CTB date stopped going to work or putting in the effort for life? Partly im scared I'll fuck things up and then need to live with it but if anything it acts as motivation to die as things fall into disarray. thanks

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

IMO, if you're still stressed about these types of obligtions, you're still far from being truly suicidal. You're just experiencing suicidality-inducing stress, which just about every singe adult experiences at one time or another.

 

[DoubleUp8]

I'm planning to die yet doing things like I am still going to live like paying bills and I think some stuff like you said just in case for whatever reason I don't die.

 

[underscore_nine]

IMO, if you're still stressed about these types of obligtions, you're still far from being truly suicidal. You're just experiencing suicidality-inducing stress, which just about every singe adult experiences at one time or another.

oh no, im not stressed, i know im going to do well im my exams, it has nothing to do with it. Just dont want to not study. Not sure why it just feels wrong to skip studying for finals. I'm not stressed about exams at all though, even if i had to actually do them

I'm planning to die yet doing things like I am still going to live like paying bills and I think some stuff like you said just in case for whatever reason I don't die.

yeah, that's sort of my mindset, i typically hedge my bets

 

[UnwillingSavior]

I live like you: even if I definitely let my grades suffer more than usual this semester in college I still kept trying. Sleepless nights and loads of stress cause of school suffered even though I'm gonna give up anyways. I have my setup ready to ctb whenever and a place to do it, but I am still trying and living, despite being truly suicidal.

I personally continue doing this because I'm just hoping. Wishing. Praying to the universe that something happens and I can find a reason to keep living. Why? Because it comforts me somewhat. Albeit, I know this isn't going to happen. So, besides my wishful thinking, I'm really only trying anymore because I'm trying my best to put up a facade to my family and gf that I'm perfectly fine. Fear is my greatest motivator now. Fear of being discovered and forced to repair myself. I'm tired, so tired. I'm just gonna use the last of my energy to prevent this from happening at all costs. My date for when my bus arrives is going to arrive and I'll finally be gone. I'm sorry you're stuck in this temporary state too. Good luck for whatever you decide is right for you when the time comes.

 

[oddetoad]

Don't believe in god in your dying days please.
Have you looked into the NDE data at all?
If you have these believes in your moment of death the chance of you getting recycled into another body here on earth is much bigger (reincarnated)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think that's illogical. None of us know how we're going to be when our time comes. We may not go through with it then. The attempt may fail- hopefully without severe consequences. Still- by not doing certain things now, we likely know what the consequences would be afterwards- if we're still alive. Makes sense- to me what you're doing although, it does have to feel weird.

My date isn't imminant. I want to wait for my Dad to go first. But- during that time, I have to support myself. I ought to be job hunting now in fact. It's so hard to find the motivation for anything though really. It's this weird limbo we're all in. Like a waiting room at a bus stop I suppose.