Venting "Why can't you be more optimistic?"

[antigone_iris]

I seriously hate this saying coming out of someone's mouth. Hopefully, these people will understand someday that I'm a realist, not a pessimist. Smh... How can I be a (mindless) optimist when so many things are out of my control?! "Got no job? Be more optimistic. Nobody wants to be friends with you? Be more optimistic." etc. Everyone's a Ted talker these days...

Do you also hear people saying "be more optimistic" more often than you'd like? I'd love to read your stories and thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

I say it to myself all the time because I know when i need to hear it. I try not to say it to others, not sure if dismissive or reductive is the right word for that application.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Most people fully understand that you can't always be more optimistic. There are definitely situations in which even optimistic people get upset and can't easily recover. People just don't seem to be able to understand the idea that some people's thresholds for emotional coping are different to their own.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Mindless optimism allows people to continue when they otherwise wouldn't but it is dangerous because it leads to complacency.
Relentless pessimism is harmful because it causes stagnation, but it also seeks to prevent an individual from harm by being defensive.
Realism involves acceptance of the validity of bad circumstances in order to attempt to move beyond them in a more realistic and expedient manner.
I think that most people are towards one end of the scale or the other, few people are in the middle. Kind of like an inverse normal curve.
I suspect It's one of the reasons why people who don't have strong opinions either way are often vilified and misunderstood.

 

[ecmnesia]

oh, i fucking hear it all the time. people just don't realize there is a huge difference between being optimistic and delusional. they can look at the roof falling and will stand still under it believing it won't hit them.

most of the time, i think optimism is like a drug people use so they won't come in touch with reality.

 

[Nymph]

Yes, my mom tells me all the time. Like no shit, if all I need to do is just be optimistic no one would be depressed. Ugh it's so annoying, it's not easy to try be happy, there's nothing to be happy about.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Optimism has diminishing returns anyway. If you feel positive about something and then it goes bad, it's disappointing maybe even soul-crushing. Even if that thing does go well then it can still feel unfulfilling for something to happen exactly as planned.

Pessimism on the other hand is win-win in my opinion. If something goes wrong, then you at least get to be right about it. If it actually goes well then the surprise factor actually makes it feel even better than if you had predicted it to go well all along.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

When people learn no tools of judgment and merely follow their hopes, the seeds of manipulation can be sown.

(Paraphrase of a Stephen Jay Gould quote)

 

[Ghost2211]

My grandmother is very much the type to push everyone to be optimistic. I have to slip in some element of positive mindset when I talk to her otherwise I will get shamed for being too defeatist. The way I look at it when you're going through hard times in life you should feel all of your natural feelings, and it is healthy to feel negative feelings when you are having a negative situation. Pretending everything is sunshine and roses when it's a pile of shit is just lying to yourself and hiding from reality. I'm not saying one should never see the silver lining in life, but there's nothing wrong with being honest with oneself about quality of life.

 

[NA90]

I seriously hate this saying coming out of someone's mouth. Hopefully, these people will understand someday that I'm a realist, not a pessimist. Smh... How can I be a (mindless) optimist when so many things are out of my control?! "Got no job? Be more optimistic. Nobody wants to be friends with you? Be more optimistic." etc. Everyone's a Ted talker these days...

Do you also hear people saying "be more optimistic" more often than you'd like? I'd love to read your stories and thoughts.

All the time. Why are you so negative. Can't you see the beauty in life? Ermmm NO! It's just a moment it will pass! Yeah it's been more than 5 years and getting worse!!!!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You could always hit them with "why can't you be more pessimistic?" ::shrug::

 

[DJJE]

I seriously hate this saying coming out of someone's mouth. Hopefully, these people will understand someday that I'm a realist, not a pessimist. Smh... How can I be a (mindless) optimist when so many things are out of my control?! "Got no job? Be more optimistic. Nobody wants to be friends with you? Be more optimistic." etc. Everyone's a Ted talker these days...

Do you also hear people saying "be more optimistic" more often than you'd like? I'd love to read your stories and thoughts.

Was coming on to say something similar.

I spoke to a relative last night, saying I see no reason to be hopeful for the future. I've always been an outcast, now I'm in my mid 30's by best years have gone and there aren't any events in the past that I think show any reason to be optimistic for the future.

I like facts, data, and science. There's no evidence to suggest my life will improve to a point worth trying for. Even if it might, the odds are very slim and the bet isn't worth making.

 

[tra]

Telling people to be more optimistic is the nice (and to be fair, often well-meant) way to say it's their own fault that they're suffering. It dismisses actual, very real problems as merely an issue of having the wrong mindset.

That being said, I'd love to be more optimistic. I do think my outlook on life can be too bleak. But for that - for my consciousness and being - to change, my material reality has to change. One can't control their way of thinking after all.

 

[Going Home]

It's a good thing there are some people who say be optimistic unlike others who imply, or say out right you don't deserve to live. Those ignorant POS.