why cant i just pull the trigger?

[PartingGlass]

I'm so close to just ending it right now. I'm drunk as fuck and my gun is loaded with just one bullet. Why can't I just pull this goddamn trigger? I've got literally no reason not to. I'm all alone. What the fuck is keeping me here? Someone talk to me please. I can't do this shit.

 

[ApproachingDeath]

I hear the pain in your post. I understand that feeling all too well and it breaks me to know you're experiencing this. Fear of the unknown results is what holds me back from CTB. When I do it, I want to ensure that it's properly executed. Maybe you have the same fears? Or maybe there is something in your life that you're not ready to say goodbye to.
If you don't mind me asking, what has made you decide to CTB?

 

[azdertex1598]

i respect your desire , but logicaly it's against human nature and you still have some love to live even if u dont have a love to live for ..

 

[itsamadworld]

Survival instinct is a difficult thing to overcome. I have held a revolver up to my own head after my divorce, but I had a fear of paralysis. So i tried another way, and failed. What do you think is making you want to CBT?

 

[PartingGlass]

If you don't mind me asking, what has made you decide to CTB?

I'm lonely as fuck. I have no reason to live and it kills me.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I'm so close to just ending it right now. I'm drunk as fuck and my gun is loaded with just one bullet. Why can't I just pull this goddamn trigger? I've got literally no reason not to. I'm all alone. What the fuck is keeping me here? Someone talk to me please. I can't do this shit.

I get you I have tried several times to end it with a handgun to the head with a round in the chamber slowly pressing the trigger but I can´t do it I fucking hate the survival instinct.

 

[azdertex1598]

I'm lonely as fuck. I have no reason to live and it kills me.

you can adopt pets .. travel change you work , go live in nature and i am sorry for saying that cause i want to ctb too but i dnt know wahts pushing me to say it

 

[PartingGlass]

you can adopt pets .. travel change you work , go live in nature and i am sorry for saying that cause i want to ctb too but i dnt know wahts pushing me to say it

I've got all that stuff. I just dont have anyone. I appreciate the kind words though.

 

[azdertex1598]

I've got all that stuff. I just dont have anyone. I appreciate the kind words though.

if its about relationship , you can talk to any girl in t street take her number and try , ( if u say i cant or something put in mind that u are going to ctb that gonna help you let go then y can achieve it )

 

[Ramirez]

cuz its fuckinn tough. fucking life is stupid and it wants to keep you here! thers doenst have to be a reason beside your basic survival insticts. it tells you to stay no matter what no matter how fucked you are. its stupid it makes no sense but its fucking powerful.

 

[Winston]

Why can't I just pull this goddamn trigger?

Hello, @PartingGlass . Survival instinct is an incredible facet of our evolution. Firearms make SI kick in especially fierce because your brain knows what happens when that trigger is depressed. The modern brain has seen more gun deaths in life and media than SN , jumping, hanging etc all combined.
Here is how I beat SI.
When I committed to shotgun CTB, I practiced with my unloaded weapon each night for eight weeks, doing my little routine of taking it outside to my spot, laying it down beside my chair, smoke a cigarette , pick up the gun and place it grip down on the ground, lean over find the right angle and just chill for about 10 seconds with the barrel in my mouth. Then I go back inside. Practice is my favorite part of the day.
For the last three days I have two new added steps of 1.going thru the motions of inserting two shells, and 2. depressing the trigger. It was a huge step making that transition to trigger. but it was a rush the first time it clicked. I didn't flinch. the next night I flinched just a bit so I re-did it. Tonight was flawless. Still a thrilling rush, but not quite exciting as the first time it clicked. I only expect it will be all matter-of-fact routine on CTB date.
Are you absolutely certain that firearm is your method?
Perhaps if you made a regular practice routine with your unloaded weapon, you would learn whether firearm is right for you, and possibly discover if you really want to CTB.
I wish you peace and satisfaction.
Winston

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Maybe it's not your time. I wish I had a gun to end these things right now. Your choose, my friend. Wish you the best

 

[Notabadguy]

Maybe it's not your time or your thing, human beings are not supposed to kill themselves. "Dixolle a pota a tixola" (Galician -NW Spain-, it means that I talk to you this way but I do the same).

 

[LastRide]

Just like Winston said above, I think the only way you finally get to pull the trigger is if you practise « dryfiring » i.e. going through the motions without a bullet in the barrel, on a regular basis ! You'll end up tricking your body and your mind into believing this is just another practise run and so you won't flinch and it will be easy to pull the trigger. But you need to do it every day for quite a while until it all feels « natural » and you don't even have to think about your actions anymore, you'll be able to function almost « automatically ».

 

[Suez]

I'm lonely as fuck. I have no reason to live and it kills me.

I understand that feeling so well. I had been trying for mnths to get hold of a gun and finally yesterday I had a meetup to buy one. I was at the house no longer than 5 mins when the cops raided it. So no gun and a night spent in police cells because I refused to answer their questions. Now I'm home feeling like such a failure and so low. My one chance and its blown. I was so exhilarated driving there thinking today I CTB, thinking how long I've waited for this day. I have no idea whether the cops found the gun in their search as it hadnt swapped hands before the cops came in. Luckily i hadnt handed over any money either. I feel so deflated right now.
If any of you guys happen to live in New Zealand and dont want your guns I'll gladly take them off you

I understand that feeling so well. I had been trying for mnths to get hold of a gun and finally yesterday I had a meetup to buy one. I was at the house no longer than 5 mins when the cops raided it. So no gun and a night spent in police cells because I refused to answer their questions. Now I'm home feeling like such a failure and so low. My one chance and its blown. I was so exhilarated driving there thinking today I CTB, thinking how long I've waited for this day. I have no idea whether the cops found the gun in their search as it hadnt swapped hands before the cops came in. Luckily i hadnt handed over any money either. I feel so deflated right now.

 

[Marauder]

Just like Winston said above, I think the only way you finally get to pull the trigger is if you practise « dryfiring » i.e. going through the motions without a bullet in the barrel, on a regular basis ! You'll end up tricking your body and your mind into believing this is just another practise run and so you won't flinch and it will be easy to pull the trigger. But you need to do it every day for quite a while until it all feels « natural » and you don't even have to think about your actions anymore, you'll be able to function almost « automatically ».

I have bought a revolver and have the same issue with pulling the trigger when gun is loaded. Dryfiring is good, it helps but still not enough to overcome SI. My idea is, since I have the revolver to load it with one bullet and spin it. Like one player russian roulette. That could do the trick. You would never know when it will fire.