Why can’t I just fucking do it

[willitpass]

I just need to fucking do it I don't know why I'm such a fucking pussy. It's been 3 years since my last attempt and I keep saying I'm going to do it and yet here I am, still alive. I had some health issues occur this year and I am now on a medication that would make CTB very accessible. I've looked at case studies of it, and I know if I drink grapefruit juice while downing a full months worth, the juice would further increase the concentration in my blood. The medication would essentially slow my heart to the point that it just stops. I have death more readily at my fingertips than I have in years. I just need to fucking do it. I am a fat pig and I deserve to die.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You don't deserve to die. They are the circumstances that make you consider suicide but again you do not deserve to die! I'm sorry your SI is so much in the way and makes it so difficult for you. I hope u find peace.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Same. My post count here continues to rise yet I'm still even though I have no real business being here.

 

[Neogoloid]

Many people are suicidal for decades before they actually go through with anything, with enough time I'm sure you'll come full circle. Hell, I mastered my chosen method and can be dead within 45 minutes right now but I'm still here as well.

 

[willitpass]

Many people are suicidal for decades before they actually go through with anything, with enough time I'm sure you'll come full circle. Hell, I mastered my chosen method and can be dead within 45 minutes right now but I'm still here as well.

I've been suicidal since I was 9. I'm heading towards 22. I've had three attempts that should've worked but didn't due to SI. I feel like i'm even a failure at dying. Fuck.