Help Why cant I just do it?

[lostangel]

Well, I have hit point where I cant bring myself to ctb. I can't just bring myself to do it. I can't convince myself just to go through with it. Is there anyway I can just do it? I think about it all the time but it's just talk. When it comes down to the real thing I pussy out. I think I am going to be here for a long time. I'm so upset.

 

[Ko9]

All I can say is that I can relate to this a lot.

 

[LifeOver]

I believe everybody on this forum is asking this same question. Those who have the guts and a fair amount of luck have already seen the other side.

 

[pole]

Well, I have hit point where I cant bring myself to ctb. I can't just bring myself to do it. I can't convince myself just to go through with it. Is there anyway I can just do it? I think about it all the time but it's just talk. When it comes down to the real thing I pussy out. I think I am going to be here for a long time. I'm so upset.

i can relate a ton, think its just a part of me inside trying to hold on; that last step to actually do it is the hardest thing you'll ever be able to do. some just aren't truly prepared to leave, even when they think they are.

though i believe there will come a some time in our lives, where this fear of not being able to do it is gonna be gone; cause we wont care anymore about everything and anything, we'll be tired of hurting and suffering and we'll have nothing to lose and have the courage to take that final step.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Well, I have hit point where I cant bring myself to ctb. I can't just bring myself to do it. I can't convince myself just to go through with it. Is there anyway I can just do it? I think about it all the time but it's just talk. When it comes down to the real thing I pussy out. I think I am going to be here for a long time. I'm so upset.

have you tried much? it is so hard isnt it, maybe a group on here should all get together and do a pact! joking (half)

 

[JimFord99]

Hm, maybe you are not ready yet to do it. No need to be upset about it, the cracking point will come eventually. To succeed it needs determination, willpower and careful planning. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Hm, maybe you are not ready yet to do it. No need to be upset about it, the cracking point will come eventually. To succeed it needs determination, willpower and careful planning. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

I am ready! and determined, it just really really frickin hurts and makes me feel so sick and dizzy-physically and mentally-that every cell of my body is stopping me!! have you ever tried? I tried every day-for hours at a time for weeks and weeks-using alcohol as a inhibitor- stupid SI is so so strong-nearly did it but managed to stop myself at last minure-which I almost couldnt do- as nearly slipped back down! wish I had.

i can relate a ton, think its just a part of me inside trying to hold on; that last step to actually do it is the hardest thing you'll ever be able to do. some just aren't truly prepared to leave, even when they think they are.

though i believe there will come a some time in our lives, where this fear of not being able to do it is gonna be gone; cause we wont care anymore about everything and anything, we'll be tired of hurting and suffering and we'll have nothing to lose and have the courage to take that final step.

Yeah-Im feeling im getting closer to getting to that point-or I just need to be reallllllly drunk to do it. I wonder how many previos members on here-managed it in the end-guess there is no true way of knowing

 

[Nem]

Aside from holding on until my dad's illness takes him out, part of me is making sure I have the right ingredients to rule out failure. The other part is I've only been suicidal since my dr nearly killed me with meds and bad advice. I've been so suicidal it's insane, really. Like, right after this happened I was almost instantly suicidal and couldn't think of anything else. I don't have a choice though and have to carry this out
Peace/hugs

 

[MeltingHeart]

Aside from holding on until my dad's illness takes him out, part of me is making sure I have the right ingredients to rule out failure. The other part is I've only been suicidal since my dr nearly killed me with meds and bad advice. I've been so suicidal it's insane, really. Like, right after this happened I was almost instantly suicidal and couldn't think of anything else. I don't have a choice though and have to carry this out
Peace/hugs

that s intrigiuing you became suicidal after someone nearly killed you? so before you wanted to live, then someone tried to kill you, which didnt work-but now you want to die? that sound interesting, but I dont want to pry if you dont want to share details!

 

[Nem]

that s intrigiuing you became suicidal after someone nearly killed you? so before you wanted to live, then someone tried to kill you, which didnt work-but now you want to die? that sound interesting, but I dont want to pry if you dont want to share details!

Yes, I have brain, muscle, nerve and kidney damage from dangerous meds, I sleep three hours a night and this has been absolutely hell on earth. I think you might've not read my post closely, I was nearly killed by dangerous meds

 

[Blackjack]

I, too, am currently paralyzed with fear about actually taking the N that I paid several hundred dollars for that is right now sitting 5 feet from me but I'm scared to drink.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes, I have brain, muscle, nerve and kidney damage from dangerous meds, I sleep three hours a night and this has been absolutely hell on earth. I think you might've not read my post closely, I was nearly killed by dangerous meds

my apologies, i dont think I read it properly either, that sounds awful, did you/an you sue the doctor?!

 

[Nem]

my apologies, i dont think I read it properly either, that sounds awful, did you/an you sue the doctor?!

My fiancé threatened to break up with me if I sued. She was a complete asshole, she's the main reason I'm here, she was controlling af and it ruined my life. My therapist said to sue and then my fiancé threatened break up, I saved her life by not ending hers
Peace/hugs

 

[MeltingHeart]

My fiancé threatened to break up with me if I sued. She was a complete asshole, she's the main reason I'm here, she was controlling af and it ruined my life. My therapist said to sue and then my fiancé threatened break up, I saved her life by not ending hers
Peace/hugs

isnt better if yr fiance breaks up with you if she is so horrible and controlling? why didnt she want you to sue? thats strange-surely you would both benefit-if there was a good financial outcome

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well, I have hit point where I cant bring myself to ctb. I can't just bring myself to do it. I can't convince myself just to go through with it. Is there anyway I can just do it? I think about it all the time but it's just talk. When it comes down to the real thing I pussy out. I think I am going to be here for a long time. I'm so upset.

You can't do it because you don't want to. None of us do. It's an awful situation to be in and you have my sympathy for what little it's worth.