Why can't I be happy?

[sadworld]

It's so annoying... Everyone i know seems so happy, they have things that are fun to them, they have someone that loves them, they have something to live for... Why can't I just be like them? Why can't I be blind and ignore all the pain im feeling? Obviously no one wants to be friends with me when im depressed all the time and the only thing im thinking of is dying. Actually if i think about it i don't even want to become like the others, cause that would mean im a robot that just lives for the society and works away his life... I just want the pain to stop and i know there is only one way...

 

[Red]

Makes you feel like there's something fundamentally off inside you doesn't it? I get the feeling that we all think waaaaay too much

 

[sadworld]

Makes you feel like there's something fundamentally off inside you doesn't it? I get the feeling that we all think waaaaay too much

Maybe i just have this way of thinking because my life has been the worst all the time?
When i was a child, one of my best friends died in a car crash, all my friends left me because some idiot told rumors about me that were not even close to the truth, i got bullied all the time, i was alone all the time and way more stupid shit that happened to me in this life. Im so fucking sick and tired of it.

 

[Red]

I hear you and have had much the same kind of treatment all my life too - no tragic accident but a horrible childhood where my reputation was destroyed before I even got to build one, so that anything I said wasn't taken seriously...
This has followed into adulthood, with gossips and bitches speaking ill of me and tainting my interactions before I even get to them. Even family members insert themselves between myself and others just to cause trouble, all grabbing at love like it's a finite substance instead of encouraging it!
I always figured that it was because I wouldn't join in so they make me a target lol the amount of times I stop a conversation because the person isn't there to defend themselves, just to find that I've been singled out as the bitch of the conversation later on
Totally gonna start recording these bitches

 

[sadworld]

I hear you and have had much the same kind of treatment all my life too - no tragic accident but a horrible childhood where my reputation was destroyed before I even got to build one, so that anything I said wasn't taken seriously...
This has followed into adulthood, with gossips and bitches speaking ill of me and tainting my interactions before I even get to them. Even family members insert themselves between myself and others just to cause trouble, all grabbing at love like it's a finite substance instead of encouraging it!
I always figured that it was because I wouldn't join in so they make me a target lol the amount of times I stop a conversation because the person isn't there to defend themselves, just to find that I've been singled out as the bitch of the conversation later on
Totally gonna start recording these bitches

yeah it sucks when no one even tries to understand you...

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm not a happy person either. I can have moments, but base emotion is sad. I just learned to accept that's how I am, and seek feeling ok or at least lower levels of sad rather than happy. Sucks to lower the bar that much, but I stopped chasing something that doesn't exist, and tend to get more pleasure from little things as a result. I don't think everyone is wired to be happy.

 

[_Kaira_]

I have moments where I think I feel happy, but then the pressure weighs down on me and I realize I'm only lying to myself.
It's hard to put up a front for others, which adds to my depression cause people get tired of my negativity, haha.
However, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the crowd is so isolating.
Some days, for the sake of others, it's easier to pretend than deal with other's frustration with me. It's becoming so exhausting as of late...

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I've learned to accept my situation, and it has made things easier. I no longer look at other people who are happy, and wish I could be like them. Doing that always made me feel worse. Instead, I am grateful for any good thing in my life no matter how small.

 

[sadworld]

Thanks for the replies, i love reading your stories and thoughts