Why are the days so long?

[goodoldnoname923]

I always wake up the most emotionally voltile and sensitive my feelings and thoughts are all over the place racing around like crazy like i just wish the sun didn't exist i wish I didn't have to worry about being found i wish i could just roll out of bed and kill myself

But its just too risky too unnatural too wrong…but the day feels so fucking long waiting for an opportunity when i can finally take the step but by the time i get to a point were that is possible my mood as often picked up…or i just dont feel as terrible as i did but this has been an endless cycle these last few days and week now,like all i wanna do is put my head inside that noose lay down with my tablet put on a video of my choosing and just text my pro choice friends and even people on here on a goodbye thread and slowly pass away as emotionally breaking and scary as it will be aleast i know my pain and suffering will be over

But it feels like that day will never come,the stars will never align like something is keeping me here just to suffer it's not like I'm getting better in any way just having brief moments of joy but the misery pain suffering self hate agony antagonism misunderstanding guilt hurt and more continuous eats away at me

I just want the stars to allign and for me to take my last breath and to say my final goodbye

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Me too, friend. Me too. Though I'm passed the point in feeling moments of joy. SI is the one thing keeping us here. I hope we get the courage soon.

 

[set0553]

I swear long summer days make the racing thoughts much worse. At least at work my mind is occupied on 20 different things at once, so its not as bad. I was on vacation last week, and spent everyday here, which helped immensely, and really this forum! A place to be heard and much empathy and understanding. Previously had spent my time on a metal forum, which turned out to be not what I expected. talk of depressive music or anything is strictly dealt with rather brutally, so I wont go back, and was shamed and embarrassed anyway.. though I got a warning here, and scared, I don't wanna cause any trouble with anyone, and I don't know if warnings expire ever. :( if I get banned it'll kill me.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Me too, friend. Me too. Though I'm passed the point in feeling moments of joy. SI is the one thing keeping us here. I hope we get the courage soon.

It's actually not SI though mind you thats a part of it,but its getting everything to fall i to place like either i didn't have the people around i needed or my emotions weren't fully in place to go so it's just been a mess but don't want to say "tonight is the night" because i'll know that when it arrives not when i wake up