Why are some able to overcome SI and some aren’t?

[Mbound]

I think a lot about SI. I think a lot about it not just in the practical terms of how I need to prepare myself to overcome it...I think about the fact that everyone who has ever successfully committed suicide—or made a very serious attempt—has overcome it. And I wonder why they were able to but some who seem absolutely certain about their decision are not able to.

There seem to be so many factors—how at peace someone feels with the concept of oblivion... lingering superstitions from being taught about "Hell" from a young age... their confidence that their death will be quick and painless...who they are leaving behind and if they feel they'll ever be forgiven by them...how much violence their method involves...their general proclivity for risk-taking....and that's just scraping the surface.

I just wonder if any salient factors rise above the rest for most people. I see my own SI as a captor that guards my prison cell—not physically forcing me to stay imprisoned but using cunning mind games to convince me to throw away the key I need for my escape. In a lot of ways, I fear my SI a lot more than any sort of external circumstances like forced inpatient. I wish there were as much info out there about dealing with SI as there are about the methods themselves, but it's so individual it would probably be hard to make blanket statements; not to mention what some people might think is SI is actually genuine doubt and desire to live and should not be plowed through impulsively.

 

[TimeToDie]

There seem to be so many factors—how at peace someone feels with the concept of oblivion... lingering superstitions from being taught about "Hell" from a young age... their confidence that their death will be quick and painless...who they are leaving behind and if they feel they'll ever be forgiven by them...how much violence their method involves...their general proclivity for risk-taking....and that's just scraping the surface.

For me it's fear that a shotgun will be painful and the risk that death will not be instant and the tiny possibility that I will survive, however unlikely that may be. I'm pretty sure my fears are irrational & grossly exaggerated. I suffer from extreme anxiety about damn near everything so it should be no surprise that turning a gun on myself terrifies me too. I've avoided getting my wisdom teeth pulled for the last 25 years due to dental phobia, and I'd say removing a large chunk of one's head is even more traumatizing than dental work.

As a life-long Atheist, I'm not worried about hell. I have no family to worry about and only one friend who's been MIA for some time now so even she might not care that much. And I was going to do it outside to avoid destroying my home. I'm not a risk-taker, instead I'm the polar opposite.

 

[deathenvoy]

Some people are by nature impulsive and strong impulse can override SI.
Good way to override SI are also alcohol and benzodiazepines.
I think to succesfully CTB two things are needed:
1. well planed and prepared method
2. suicidal impulse that allow you to override SI.

If 1 is missing you will just end up in hospital most probably damaged.
If 2 is missing you will not execute your plan.
So both are needed.

 

[TimeToDie]

Good way to override SI are also alcohol and benzodiazepines.

Benzos don't work for me -- which is on my long list of two dozen reasons to CTB -- so I'll need something else. I have some very ancient methadone plus some Vicodin for a few years back that might get used to "inspire" me.

 

[Vegrau]

Because theyre sure that is what they want. SI in the end are nothing but nonsensical buzzing inside our brain. No one can live forever. No matter how hard one cling onto it. They will die eventually.

 

[Sh00]

My personal experiences...

On my first attempt I was able to overcome SI and had every intention of dying.

On a second attempt I just couldn't get past it.

From what I remember there was a real difference in my state of mind. On the first attempt I actually became quite calm and disconnected mentally and physically. I was able to stop all thoughts related to what I was doing and go on autopilot. After a severe episode of depression I tend to go into this disconnected state so I think the timing was just really lucky as I was easily able to talk myself into calmness.

The second attempt was the opposite. I was pretty hysterical, very present mentally, my body went into a panic and trying to get the situation under control was like trying to chase wild horses that were all running off in different directions. Adding alcohol to the situation made things worse because I had even less control over myself.

The second attempt was so horrible and traumatising that I decided I wouldn't bother with another suicide attempt until I had that form of disconnected depression again.

 

[262653]

I wish there were as much info out there about dealing with SI as there are about the methods themselves...

So much this... It's tricky on so many levels... I thought about SI as a life-long habit for some time, but it feels different. It's like my SI reading my rational brain's output somehow, its just as smart as I am, in a sense...
If I'm sure I'm going die by X, I'm going to avoid X as much as possible... but if I'm not sure about lethality, then I'm not sure if I'm going to succeed and not turned up into cucumber. I'd like to avoid accidents...
There have been a few moments in my life - the windows of opportunity - when I feel unusually exalted and ready for radical changes.
Its a lot like lucid dreaming. I realize that you're here and start doing some weird shit without the fear of consequences.
But in waking time it's a state of immense distress. It's like you start bullying a person so hard that one see's no other option than to lash out at one's offenders.
An impulse, yes. Highly emotional state, BUT... If rational brain is the rider and emotional is an elephant/horse/gorilla/giant/any powerful being, then in these moments the rider assumes a huge deal of control over the beast. That's how it feels... A state of affect where habits are ineffective.

 

[DreamCatcher]

Some people are by nature impulsive and strong impulse can override SI.
Good way to override SI are also alcohol and benzodiazepines.
I think to succesfully CTB two things are needed:
1. well planed and prepared method
2. suicidal impulse that allow you to override SI.

If 1 is missing you will just end up in hospital most probably damaged.
If 2 is missing you will not execute your plan.
So both are needed.

That's exactly it. People that can bypass the SI and fail it's because they didn't have a reliable method and plan in place in advance.

That's why I failed in the past. I had passed the SI test, but I didn't realize that without some kind of plan the I don't know what you'd call it, but the "tunnel vision ready to die mindset" somehow doesn't allow a common sense to plan or execute a complicated method unless it was already ready.

I think it's almost like being drunk, you lose the ability to think clearly, and have terrible judgement. People in that state without a plan will try anything and will likely fail with risks of injury and permanent damage. Even terrible unreliable methods are tried under those conditions.

 

[Jon86]

1. Immediate need to die (mass shooters, pedophile, court case etc.)
2. Intense sudden trauma/loss
3. Methods (different methods have different SI levels).
4. Genetics

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I think a lot about SI. I think a lot about it not just in the practical terms of how I need to prepare myself to overcome it...I think about the fact that everyone who has ever successfully committed suicide—or made a very serious attempt—has overcome it. And I wonder why they were able to but some who seem absolutely certain about their decision are not able to.

There seem to be so many factors—how at peace someone feels with the concept of oblivion... lingering superstitions from being taught about "Hell" from a young age... their confidence that their death will be quick and painless...who they are leaving behind and if they feel they'll ever be forgiven by them...how much violence their method involves...their general proclivity for risk-taking....and that's just scraping the surface.

I just wonder if any salient factors rise above the rest for most people. I see my own SI as a captor that guards my prison cell—not physically forcing me to stay imprisoned but using cunning mind games to convince me to throw away the key I need for my escape. In a lot of ways, I fear my SI a lot more than any sort of external circumstances like forced inpatient. I wish there were as much info out there about dealing with SI as there are about the methods themselves, but it's so individual it would probably be hard to make blanket statements; not to mention what some people might think is SI is actually genuine doubt and desire to live and should not be plowed through impulsively.

I think some methods are easier than others. For me, I think it will be easier to override SI if I was going to drink N or SN, compared to jumping off a building or jumping in front of a train.

 

[MakyMy]

I think some methods are easier than others. For me, I think it will be easier to override SI if I was going to drink N or SN, compared to jumping off a building or jumping in front of a train.

I am scared of moment after I swallow SN. I think is the same feeling like standing on the edge before jump and I dont know what will come after. Maybe peaceful sleep or a lot of pain and panic attack.

 

[TAW122]

I think those that are able to overcome SI oftenly have multiple circumstances as well as dispositions of courage and readiness to die. I would consider myself courageous and more oftenly that I have made up my mind. While I have never actually made an actual "attempt", I predict that given the right circumstances, I would be able to CTB without hesitation, especially if my situation was desolate enough and with the right catalyst. By circumstance I mean things in life, especially multiple things going wrong simultaneously.

 

[GrizzlyGrapefruit]

I am scared of moment after I swallow SN. I think is the same feeling like standing on the edge before jump and I dont know what will come after. Maybe peaceful sleep or a lot of pain and panic attack.

This is exactly how I feel. Reading what the PPH provides (although brief) about 4 cases that involved using SN, saying that they were all "peaceful," is reassuring, but they mentioned nothing of the mental aspect of pain. I'm honestly more worried about the mental anguish I'll go through more so than the actual physical pain I believe.

 

[MakyMy]

This is exactly how I feel. Reading what the PPH provides (although brief) about 4 cases that involved using SN, saying that they were all "peaceful," is reassuring, but they mentioned nothing of the mental aspect of pain. I'm honestly more worried about the mental anguish I'll go through more so than the actual physical pain I believe.

Yes exactly. Physical pain. Anguish and panic. I think I have to go really far away from my phone, people and any help and do it like that.

 

[throwaway123]

maybe it's just destiny

 

[Ivenocare]

For me: I had very strong instincts first 9 partial hanging attempts, after that I drastically don't care much when trying; but still can't pass out.

 

[Codieb1]

Are there any drugs that can circumvent SI? I would almost definitely balcony jump if SI didn't stop me. I have SN on the way and I'm feeling pretty confident in taking it, but not sure how I'll feel when I'm ready to take it. SI is an extremely unpredictable thing. For at least 5 years I thought I could just jump right into death, but finally when presented with the option, I just can't do it.

 

[MakyMy]

Are there any drugs that can circumvent SI? I would almost definitely balcony jump if SI didn't stop me. I have SN on the way and I'm feeling pretty confident in taking it, but not sure how I'll feel when I'm ready to take it. SI is an extremely unpredictable thing. For at least 5 years I thought I could just jump right into death, but finally when presented with the option, I just can't do it.

I don't know but I know what you feel. I cant imagine that moment when my drink will be ready.