unluckiestclover
New Member
- Feb 10, 2023
- 2
my parents have always told me i was a "blessed" child. that's kinda bullshit, especially when you think about the fact that there is no god. or at least, if there was one, he's certainly abandoned me. i won't deny that my parents put a lot of effort into raising me, but that's perhaps all they ever did.
i didn't want to be born. i didn't want to be their genius, but i was made to be so anyways. i am a marionette for their hopes and dreams, it seems. i've been considered their 'gifted' child-- which meant i was made to study day in and day out. they got married only to have smart kids and can't stand each other, and even if that was your reason, why was it my job then to deal with their fights? day in and day out, i worked hard and worked harder, to no end. i naïvely wanted to be loved, to be wanted, to be appreciated. i know it's only human to want these things, but the world has decided i don't deserve to be human. if i am too human, my parents despise me, and i have never learned to be human enough for friends.
human comforts are for humans. i am not a human to people.
people used to yank my hair straight off my scalp. i came crying home and was called ungrateful. i get locked in a bathroom overnight on a school trip. i tell my parents about it and i am ungrateful. over and over and over again, i am hit and i am yelled at and i am ungrateful but what did i even do that was so bad? all i ever wanted to do was to learn things and have fun.
yet that is too much to want.
i didn't want to be born. i didn't want to be their genius, but i was made to be so anyways. i am a marionette for their hopes and dreams, it seems. i've been considered their 'gifted' child-- which meant i was made to study day in and day out. they got married only to have smart kids and can't stand each other, and even if that was your reason, why was it my job then to deal with their fights? day in and day out, i worked hard and worked harder, to no end. i naïvely wanted to be loved, to be wanted, to be appreciated. i know it's only human to want these things, but the world has decided i don't deserve to be human. if i am too human, my parents despise me, and i have never learned to be human enough for friends.
human comforts are for humans. i am not a human to people.
people used to yank my hair straight off my scalp. i came crying home and was called ungrateful. i get locked in a bathroom overnight on a school trip. i tell my parents about it and i am ungrateful. over and over and over again, i am hit and i am yelled at and i am ungrateful but what did i even do that was so bad? all i ever wanted to do was to learn things and have fun.
yet that is too much to want.