Why am i still alive

[Death.is.certain]

I dont know why i havnt ended it already

 

[Thegoldenapples]

Because you're not ready to. Sometimes I feel you go through the stages of grieving after you lose yourself and want to cbt. The back and forth of it all. Then at acceptance stage, you realise that's what you need to do. When you're ready, it'll click. Biggest decision of this lifetime so if you doubt, I'd advise not too.

 

[Imaginos]

Survival instinct, most likely. It's the only thing holding me back at least. That and lack of a firearm. One that's preferably a reliable shotgun loaded with heavy ammunition/slugs, meant for maximum destructive power.

Outside of that, maybe you still have hope for the future insofar as it relates to the fact that your life might get better somehow, or, further still, perhaps you feel you might end up deeply hurting those closest to you as a consequence of your self-annihilation. These are not concerns of mine at all, but I can understand why they are for most people. For me, all I can do is endure my predicament and impatiently await the day when the reaper will come calling for my sorry ass. I know that things are about as demonstrably over as they can get for me, but if someone has any doubt that matters might not be as bad for them as they think, then they should pursue the possibility of finding some renewal in life, if possible.

Not saying this is you, but generally speaking it's what I'd recommend for someone who's unsure about suicide, or might have opportunities to genuinely turn their life around for the better. My own predicament utterly disallows this possibility, so, at the end of the day, I'm pretty much trapped between a rock and a hard place. Too incapable/scared to live, too incapable/scared to die. All that's left is a limbo of unceasing torment spent languishing in the space between spaces, neither living nor dead.

 

[Sensei]

I agree with @english85. If you're still here it obviously means that you don't really want to die, at least not yet. There must still be a glimmer of hope in you, so maybe you should use that and give life one more shot.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I ask myself the same question. Why, oh why, am I not brave enough to end it all? But then, as soon as I finish that sentence, it hits me: I am a worthless loser who has failed at everything. That's why I can't "take arms against a sea of troubles". I am simply too weak and coward to do what it takes. And so... I go on living this senseless life, daydreaming of death, and being angry at myself and this topsy-turvy world.

 

[signifying nothing]

There are ways to kill yourself without actually dying.

 

[budgie]

There are ways to kill yourself without actually dying.

Can you name a few?

 

[signifying nothing]

Can you name a few?

You have to identify the things in your life that make you feel like you want to end it - and end them instead.

This might be relationships with people or situations you're in with regards to where you live or work. Also getting rid of things that you think define who you are or things you think are helping you, but are really causing you more harm than good.

It's essentially like doing a self-audit: questioning and challenging each part of your life and who you think you are, being willing to tear it apart and change, because the alternative is suicide, which is absolute and irreversible.