Venting Why am I like this?

[daydreamer52]

I don't know how, I think it's a superpower, even in the smallest things I manage to disappoint people around me, like how is it even physically possible for me being so useless, I'm more productive being dead than being alive. I wake up tired, it takes around 20 minutes for me to get out of bed, on weekdays and on weekends, I don't see what the point of life is if I'm going to keep living like this until I finally die, I was already fantasizing with killing myself since I was a teenager, I don't know how I'm still alive, everyday is a fight I can't win but I feel like I deserve it, my parents aren't really bad parents neither good parents but they sure deserved a better son, I should be grateful I don't have any health problems and that I had a father and a mother who raised me, I'm such a pussy for complaining about life when I had a decent one, like there's people who have it way worse than me and they're still smiling, I don't deserve to live and I don't want to, how is that happy people who enjoy they're lives die and we who the only thing we want is to stop existing get to wake up everyday, is just unfair. I feel so lonely, I never had a girlfriend and I don't have any friends right now, working at a minimum wage job I see how my co-workers talk and laugh between them and my only dialogues are "good morning" "bye, have a good night", why is it so difficult for me to interact with other people, nobody would even notice if I just one day disappeared, if I killed myself right now my parents wouldn't know until probably 2 weeks later when the landlord breaks into my apartment and find my body, but the only method of ctb I feel comfortable with is with a gun, which I don't have access to right now but as soon as I can I won't think about it twice and I will shoot myself. I am sooooooo lame, so pathetic, if you read all of this I'm sorry for making you waste your time.

 

[bluebus]

Hey there. I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. I feel for you. Just because there may not seem to be anything inherently "wrong" with your life, doesn't mean these feelings are not justified. Even people who have everything end up ctb. It's tough to feel like this- inadequate, guilty, and undeserving. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Go easy on yourself. I hope you can find some peace, best wishes

 

[daydreamer52]

Hey there. I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. I feel for you. Just because there may not seem to be anything inherently "wrong" with your life, doesn't mean these feelings are not justified. Even people who have everything end up ctb. It's tough to feel like this- inadequate, guilty, and undeserving. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Go easy on yourself. I hope you can find some peace, best wishes

Thankss, really, thank you, you don't know how much I appreciate your words, I wish you find peace as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see wanting to die as always being a valid way to feel, it doesn't need to be justified, people have every right to complain about their existence even if other people are in more torturous situations. But anyway best wishes.