Venting Why am I here?

[TheMountainTreeEgg]

I often ask myself this question because the fatigue has caught up to me, I feel hopeless, and I want to disappear. So I began to look for something that i'm living for or something that fuels my existence. Maybe its to hangout with friends? I have a lot and I know some really cool people who care about me, but that doesn't feel right thats not it. Maybe my purpose is to skate? I've recently been obsessed with skateboarding and its my favorite thing to do. Even though I live in a northern state and its really cold I don't care I still skate everyday, but even then the emptiness and fatigue never disappears. Hmm... maybe my passion for natural science drives me? nope that not it... maybe its not me, maybe its my parents! They created me after all. I come to the same conclusion every time, I don't blame my parents they're just normal people who wanted to create something bigger than themselves. I'm just wrong, I hate myself everyday and I can't take it. How long can I cling to my life and momentarily be happy just to fall into absolute despair? I've realized skateboarding, friends, and family can only keep me alive for so long, eventually I'll crumble under pressure and die but I just don't understand anything. why did I have to be born in the first place? why did I have to exist? I know theres no answer, I'm a man of science everything is random and there no divine purpose for me. I just got so damn unlucky to be the little shit who came out of my mothers womb.

 

[livingdeadgrl]

I know, right? There are so many people who want to do beautiful, meaningful things in life and die for the stupidest reasons, and those of us who don't have a purpose, don't want to live, and have no hope for the future have to carry this weight and pain every day. It's so unfair. I wish I could give my life to someone who truly deserves it.