Venting Why am I here

[numbspirit]

All my life, I've been nothing but stress. I've always had behavioural problems, always messed up and caused my already completely broken family headaches every day. I was always just a burden for everyone. Today it's the same, I'm a burden for my doctor who has been trying to get me out of my depression for ages, I'm a burden for my therapist who hasn't given up hope yet, I'm a burden for my friends and family who tell me that it will get better again at some point and who wouldn't like it if I left. Nobody understands that it would be best for everyone if I hanged myself right now. Actually, I should slaughter myself in the worst possible way.
I think I'm probably the most pathetic, useless piece of scum in the history of the universe. It's a tragedy that something like me can exist at all. But the fact that I'm being kept alive artificially with medication, therapy and persuasion when I should actually be murdered is just cruel. I can't wait to lie under the ground and be eaten by maggots while my name and all memories of me disappear forever.

 

[Wake]

Hey I know how it feels to be the worst person to exist it eats you soul and you just can't stop it. Things aren't always going as planned nothing is ever easy. But just out of curiosity what do you think would make you satisfied or at peace other than death

 

[Sleeper System]

I think i'm a relatively good person and still don't think even I should be alive.
Doesn't matter which side of morality you're on. Some people just want to be gone regardless.

 

[Dingusguy]

Sorry to hear you feel that way about yourself, I feel similarly about myself. I can't say much, I want to say something to give you a little light in the dark but I don't think I can. I'll try anyway though.
I hope you find peace somehow though, be it recovery or otherwise. I know it sucks to hate yourself, and I know the feeling of wanting to be gone. I hope it fades for you.

 

[numbspirit]

But just out of curiosity what do you think would make you satisfied or at peace other than death

I don't know, probably nothing anymore. I watch films and listen to music, but that's just a distraction. I don't think I could really be satisfied.

Sorry to hear you feel that way about yourself, I feel similarly about myself. I can't say much, I want to say something to give you a little light in the dark but I don't think I can. I'll try anyway though.
I hope you find peace somehow though, be it recovery or otherwise. I know it sucks to hate yourself, and I know the feeling of wanting to be gone. I hope it fades for you.

Thank you very much for your reply. I hope the same for you.

 

[Wake]

I don't know, probably nothing anymore. I watch films and listen to music, but that's just a distraction. I don't think I could really be satisfied.



Thank you very much for your reply. I hope the same for you.

i don't blame you for thinking that but can't you try to search for that thing that gives you that itch of feeling satisfied. like give yourself that goal where you try to find the thing that makes you happy i think that would be better drowning in head, lifeless and unable to do a thing.

 

[numbspirit]

i don't blame you for thinking that but can't you try to search for that thing that gives you that itch of feeling satisfied. like give yourself that goal where you try to find the thing that makes you happy i think that would be better drowning in head, lifeless and unable to do a thing.

I really appreciate your attempt to make me look for recovery options. But I'm pretty sure that there's not much I can do. Anything that gives me a brief moment of joy is just a distraction, and as soon as it's over, I realize I'm becoming this miserable pile of shit again. For me it's pretty simple. People like me kill themselves, and I'm okay with that. I just wish others would realize that.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

All my life, I've been nothing but stress. I've always had behavioural problems, always messed up and caused my already completely broken family headaches every day. I was always just a burden for everyone. Today it's the same, I'm a burden for my doctor who has been trying to get me out of my depression for ages, I'm a burden for my therapist who hasn't given up hope yet, I'm a burden for my friends and family who tell me that it will get better again at some point and who wouldn't like it if I left. Nobody understands that it would be best for everyone if I hanged myself right now. Actually, I should slaughter myself in the worst possible way.
I think I'm probably the most pathetic, useless piece of scum in the history of the universe. It's a tragedy that something like me can exist at all. But the fact that I'm being kept alive artificially with medication, therapy and persuasion when I should actually be murdered is just cruel. I can't wait to lie under the ground and be eaten by maggots while my name and all memories of me disappear forever.

No. You're a good person. You deserve peace. You don't deserve to suffer.

 

[Hollowman]

You're definitely not a burden to your doctor and therapist they're getting richer off you.