Venting Who is also ashamed all the time? I just can't behave properly, life consists only of wrong decisions.

[FractalTears]

I always feel so embarassed for most things I've done. For things have taken place years ago.

 

[gomenasai]

That's normal. Many people experience this. But you can train yourself to just observe these thoughts without reacting to them. Just watch them float with no interfering
It takes practice but you can do it if you have strong will
All the best to you

 

[Pluto]

I get this really badly. I have heard it referred to as toxic shame. I think it's related to deeply internalising childhood abuse and having a subconscious belief in inferiority. Relates to imposter syndrome and stuff like that.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

That's how I feel too. Granted, I'm still young so it feels like all I do is fuck up…. But the constant shame is definitely maladaptive/abnormal. It's very painful.

I get this really badly. I have heard it referred to as toxic shame. I think it's related to deeply internalising childhood abuse and having a subconscious belief in inferiority. Relates to imposter syndrome and stuff like that.

You're correct.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Relatable.

 

[koalahymm]

Totally get this. I feel like when I look back at my life it's just one fuck up after another. That's why I'm not even angry about my situation because it has been my own choices that brought me to this point.

 

[Pluto]

That's why I'm not even angry about my situation because it has been my own choices that brought me to this point.

If you watch very carefully, you might find that your mind carries a root belief of being fundamentally less than other people.

This self-image was created in childhood to explain why we have been treated more harshly than other people, be it scapegoating, bullying or other scenarios of being personally singled out for abuse. We may do this to eliminate cognitive dissonance; we are clearly human like anyone else, so why have we experienced unjustifiable attacks? By affirming, "I'm worthless and unlovable (etc.)" we now have a fully self-consistent, resolved worldview. Never mind that it's bollocks.

Once the 'I'm inferior' seed is established, the mind will interpret all events in ways that bring us blame/shame, ignore the crimes of our abusers and are generally totally biased against ourselves. This can manifest substandard outcomes such as bad relationships, and becomes a vicious circle that continually reaffirms the sense of unworthiness. We become our own tormentor.

The situation strikes me as the polar opposite of narcissistic personality disorder, a condition that can make people believe in their own superiority to the extent that they feel completely entitled to brutalise and manipulate people around them. If you've ever experienced narcissistic abuse, well it's a case of 'join the dots' to see what's happened.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yes I have spent time going over every moment of my life and affirming how every decision and every action was flawed…

 

[myfinalform]

im ashamed of my body, i was thin before but now im fat because of pills and of course all those chance to have a girlfriend in the past far away that i was too chicken to get it

 

[lifeORdeath]

Mine is more regret than shame.
I had a little bit of shame for folks probably knowing my hospitalizations.
Then again, I don't care what they think.
I feel bad for my family if they get shamed because of me.
I have made we really stupid decisions that could effect them and make them ashamed because of me

 

[lonleyloser81]

I always feel so embarassed for most things I've done. For things have taken place years ago.

I feel the same way