Who here suffers from chronic pain or other chronic ailments?

[Covert]

I'm interested in whether chronic ailments are a common reason for being suicidal. What kind of symptoms do you have and how do they ruin your life?

I myself have a constant chronic headache and brain fog for more than 10 years. It has luckly gotten a bit better over the years, but it can still be very disabling. A few days ago I woke up with a massive headache after excessive night dreams. I had a dentist appointment that I couldn't cancel. I struggle a lot with social interactions in general, but it gets really bad when I have strong headaches and brainfog. I ended up coming across as really awkward and impolite to the dentist and her assistant.

I'm so sick of this shit, I try to improve my social skills, but I constantly get thrown back by my symptoms. I hate these humiliating social encounters when I have headaches, brain fog or blackouts. I can't concentrate and function, it's like a mental disability.

 

[Kit1]

I have a number of medical challenges including chronic pain - physical, psychological and neurodivergent. This is all part of the reason that I want to die - but not the main reasons. Interlinked though.

I am so sorry that you are really struggling with this and it has brought you to this point.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Lupus, interstitial cystitis, cornea neuralgia and dry eye disease from lasik surgery. Joint pain, nerve pain, bladder pain, neuropathic eye pain. I also have kidney issues from the lupus. I'm mostly housebound these days. I hate it.

 

[lebrodude]

Chronic tinnitus.

Seem to be developing chronic lower back pain too, at least sometimes it takes my attention off my ringing ears.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yup a ton of physical and mental problems, my worst being my throat problem so it´s hard for me to swallow I suspect it being because I have to eat food and I am allergic to all foods sounds insane I know but it is true, maybe with the exception of certain meats but it´s hard to tell since I react on everything else and it´s even worse in the summer with all the extra pollen so I´m so glad it´s over and we are heading into fall now.

The thing is if I fixed or even bettered this problem I might be able to go on just for the sake of my family but I am not sure if I can if I don´t find a solution to this problem because it´s insufferable it´s such a curse and a rare one at that since I have never met or heard of anyone suffering from the same which would be a good comfort to know I was the only person in the world with this illness.

I can definitely also feel what you mean by getting thrown back by your illnesses if I could remove the above problem I would be able to try and take the leap into life, although my anxieties would hold me back a lot but with the constant suffering I feel from the problem it´s impossible to even consider the leap of faith.

 

[CatLvr]

Man, the wall if text I would have -- sheesh.

Instead of listing everything I'll just give you a general rundown -- chronic headaches of several types, some of which are untreatable, chronic pain from injuries suffered at the hands of relatives growing up, chronic spinal and nerve pain from injuries in a car crash that should have killed me (no more seat belts for me).

So that's it in a nutshell. I have hurt more in my life than I have not (the first time I didn't have a headache I was in middle school and had actually managed to stop the physical abuse I had been subjected to by telling my main abuser I would kill her if she ever touched me again. About a month after that I woke up without a headache and thought that I was having a stroke because my vision was actually clear, not fuzzy. Doc at the ER was aghast but I figured it out (not that I said anything to anybody) about halfway through his exam.

Now I just hurt all the time because pain management is afraid I will become a junkie if they actually treat my pain appropriately. Don't want me to get started about that. So I basically am just waiting on the pain to get bad enough again to motivate myself to ctb. The surgeries they did to help with the spinal pain help with the acute pain, but so nothing for the dull throb that is still there, and now I have neuropathy from them burning those nerves. Plus, it's a temporary fix for me. Will only lasy about 6 to 8 months and then I have to start all over again. It's too much. All I am doing is trading one type of pain for another.

Yup a ton of physical and mental problems, my worst being my throat problem so it´s hard for me to swallow I suspect it being because I have to eat food and I am allergic to all foods sounds insane I know but it is true, maybe with the exception of certain meats but it´s hard to tell since I react on everything else and it´s even worse in the summer with all the extra pollen so I´m so glad it´s over and we are heading into fall now.

The thing is if I fixed or even bettered this problem I might be able to go on just for the sake of my family but I am not sure if I can if I don´t find a solution to this problem because it´s insufferable it´s such a curse and a rare one at that since I have never met or heard of anyone suffering from the same which would be a good comfort to know I was the only person in the world with this illness.

I can definitely also feel what you mean by getting thrown back by your illnesses if I could remove the above problem I would be able to try and take the leap into life, although my anxieties would hold me back a lot but with the constant suffering I feel from the problem it´s impossible to even consider the leap of faith.

I have seen some videos of a gal who only eats red meat, salt and water. Mikhaila Peterson. She had a bunch of inflammatory issues (some of her symptoms sounded like some of yours) and went on a really strict elimination diet. That's how she figured out that she basically couldn't eat anything but red meat. No joke.

(And don't anybody come after me, I won't entertain your posts. All I know is that's her story, and it's what lead me to trying an elimination diet and finding out I am sensitive to several things.)

 

[bgd2022]

I have a bunch of different issues (Chrons, super morbid obesity, diabetes, fatty liver, adhd) but I don't want out because of any of those specifically. I just can't deal with life and all the emotional stuff that entails. Those issues all contribute to the enshitification of my life but none more than my inability to deal.

 

[maniac116]

I have acute fibromyalgia, ulcerative colitis, lost my throat & ability talk to cancer, generalized anxiety disorder, major depression, agoraphobia.
It all effects my life adversly & yes
I'm borderline suicidal because I'm losing my body piece by piece.

 

[waiting93]

Post concussion syndrome from too many hits to the head , debilitating headaches , ibs, sibo

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Crippling Major depressive disorder where I become bedridden and can't function for long periods of time.

 

[Timothy7dff]

My entire body is painful to the touch. Nervous system on fire. Can't stay out of bed for more than a few hours most days. Can no longer work even a part-time job. Satan wins.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Man, the wall if text I would have -- sheesh.

Instead of listing everything I'll just give you a general rundown -- chronic headaches of several types, some of which are untreatable, chronic pain from injuries suffered at the hands of relatives growing up, chronic spinal and nerve pain from injuries in a car crash that should have killed me (no more seat belts for me).

So that's it in a nutshell. I have hurt more in my life than I have not (the first time I didn't have a headache I was in middle school and had actually managed to stop the physical abuse I had been subjected to by telling my main abuser I would kill her if she ever touched me again. About a month after that I woke up without a headache and thought that I was having a stroke because my vision was actually clear, not fuzzy. Doc at the ER was aghast but I figured it out (not that I said anything to anybody) about halfway through his exam.

Now I just hurt all the time because pain management is afraid I will become a junkie if they actually treat my pain appropriately. Don't want me to get started about that. So I basically am just waiting on the pain to get bad enough again to motivate myself to ctb. The surgeries they did to help with the spinal pain help with the acute pain, but so nothing for the dull throb that is still there, and now I have neuropathy from them burning those nerves. Plus, it's a temporary fix for me. Will only lasy about 6 to 8 months and then I have to start all over again. It's too much. All I am doing is trading one type of pain for another.

That sounds so horrible I feel sorry for you and understand you, doctors especially in European countries is almost impossible to get certain meds like opiods and benzos from because they fear the addiction it will cause which is understable when looking at the opiod epedemic that has gone on for a long time in the US and how addictive benzos also are but some people really need them and the doctors should still know when people really need certain meds like you in particular who sound like a prime example where they even have it in their system what diagnoses and surgeries you´ve been through and they should also beware that some people might be in so much pain that they either ctb or find drugs elsewhere to numb the pain, then I think through the doctor would be a much safer choice but they don´t think like that and if you mention you have so much pain you are about to ctb they will just lock you up for that.

And I bet you already have tried asking multiple doctors? Maybe even trying to tell a shrink how much the physical pain causes you mental suffering and dance lightly around ctb without ever mentioning the word so they know you really mean it, I don´t know what else you can do if you haven´t already tried this but then again with your problems and mine as well we are just postponing the envitable, I certainly don´t see myself suffering from my illnesses that only gets worse year by year for decades more.

I have seen some videos of a gal who only eats red meat, salt and water. Mikhaila Peterson. She had a bunch of inflammatory issues (some of her symptoms sounded like some of yours) and went on a really strict elimination diet. That's how she figured out that she basically couldn't eat anything but red meat. No joke.

(And don't anybody come after me, I won't entertain your posts. All I know is that's her story, and it's what lead me to trying an elimination diet and finding out I am sensitive to several things.)

Thanks I´ll look it up, I have been researching it for some time though the carnivore diet and I am once again trying to get the courage to try it but the thing is my throat is chronically very tight because of the allergic reactions so I can´t just eat a 500-600 kcal of steak in one sitting it would literally be impossible for me to get down but this diet might work so ironically I can´t start the diet because my throat is tight from my current diet and I would lose a lot of weight if I just tried eating what meat I could get down and I am small enough as it is. I can however get 400g of chicken thigh down in the morning I tried that but my throat doesn´t get better right away so it´s hard to tell if I am even allergic to certain meats, I just think I should be able to tolerate meats since it´s not a plant but I can´t say for certain and some are allergic to chicken so who knows if I am? But damn all that steak would be impossible unless it was Wagyu but I am not rich so that can´t happen, normal steak is too solid and rough to get down. I also have a very addictive personality so I can´t see how I could only eat meat for the rest of my life I even tried it a few months back I only managed a day and got 700g down and that was including some meats that were processed some so that was cheating it needs to be fresh meat. But I might just try again soon and take the consequence of losing weight, because if my throat got better it would make me feel so... happy I actually think I could start being a bit happy or looking brighter for the future but not now even writing this now my esophagus is so tight and dry it´s very uncomfortable to say the least.

Btw: Sorry for wall text hard for me to write without doing it

 

[hopemeetshopeless]

Was diagnosed with moderate degenerated discs in my neck this year along with mild scoliosis in my lumbar. Have a fractured rib that's been b one for at least a decade but they keep gaslighting me saying it is just a "bone bruise" when you can literally see and feel to the touch that it's cleary broken. Then on top of that they keep telling me it will heal in a month or two even though it's been like this almost my whole adult life

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

My physical issues are a huge part of deciding to CTB. I don't want to go into exactly what they are because they're pretty rare and I don't want to get doxxed. But basically many of the basic physiological functions a person has, and most importantly the systems your body uses to control those functions just don't work properly in me. I basically have the electronics of a French luxury car from the 90s. I have nearly constant migraines and with the other symptoms I have it basically feels like a combination of alcohol poisoning and nicotine poisoning non-stop, and I've had exactly that on a few occasions when I was 16. Being on high dose chemo has a lot of similarities to my everyday condition.

 

[peacetoall]

Yes, chronic pain and mental health issues(avpd) are definitely reasons for why I want to end it. I have a bunch of issues that have been manageable with icing, diet, stretching, pain pills, but recently I was diagnosed with post traumatic osteoarthritis in my left ankle and that really has made me severely depressed. I am not really surprised by the diagnosis. My left ankle has been bothering me for over 11 months and I just ignored it because exercise is my only outlet to relieve stress and anxiety. I have had terrible lower back pain since my late 20's. My right shoulder is messed up from lifting weights. Bad knees from over exercise and ignoring the pain while on a cycling tour which did permanent damage. Left hip has been really bothering me for over a year and I fear I also have osteoarthritis. Neck issues. When I have a bad flare up and my body is in terrible pain all I think about is ending it. I really have tried to hold out as long as possible to not hurt my parents because they have already lost a child to suicide, but I don't think I can for much longer

 

[willitpass]

My situation is unique in that it's very hard to differentiate what has been caused by my years and years of self harm, what is not caused by but is exacerbated by it, and what is independent of it. But I have quite the list despite only being in my early 20s.

I have IBS-M, though that doesn't bother me too much. I have arthritis and chronic pain all over my entire body. Often time I feel it down all the way into my bones. I have dysautonomia that causes problems throughout. Cold and heat intolerance, blood pressure instability that is incredibly sensitive to hydration (not helped by the fact that I have an eating disorder and intentionally dehydrate myself), poor circulation, etc. I also have heart problems that have been so severe I've ended up in a coma before. I have some lung issues that were causing problems that landed me in the hospital a couple of times that we were in the midst of trying to figure out the cause of when I decided that I would be lost to follow up with the entire medical system as I near my date. I've had some strange results with my blood test regarding my blood clotting factors and white blood cell count before too but they hadn't yet found a cause.