Hi there everyone! My name's Michael, Ernest Pobjoy is my pseudonym. I live in a small Victorian mill townon the easterly edge of the Pennine hills in the north of England. That makes it sound a lot more pleasant than it is but anyway, I sometimes call a national helpline to talk about my suicidal thoughts. The helpline is known as the Samaritans and people volunteer to answer the phones and they advertise that they don't give advice and instead, they just listen. From experience, there are some volunteers who are very patient and concerned but others should check their motives as to why they have joined the organisation.
Anyway, volunteers usually ask why I am thinking of suicide and I hesitate to explain that anxiety it at the root of the cause. A typical, immediate response is, "have you been to see your doctor?" I have put the phone down on a number of occasions at that point.
It's true to say that I have had suicidal thoughts for many years but the last 18 months has been very tough. I made my first sincere, genuine attempt to end my life in September 2020, almost 8 months ago now.
But there are always 2 sides of the coin eh. Yeah, life's been life for a while but that hell has also prompted me to sit and think about suicide. I've used my experiences from the past to understand what suicdie means for me.
I have appreciated for a long time now that everyone experiences anxiety but, more recently, I have come to realise for myself that everything and everyone experiences anxiety because it is that force which prompts all movement. You could say that this is a more broader definition of anxiety than a medical one. Anxiety is experienced by everyone and everything. Something gets anxious and so it moves in an attempt to contend with that anxiety and reach a place where it can be without anxiety again. I'm not the only one who experiences anxiety and those people who think they're tough cookies and don't 'suffer from anxiety' are wrong because they too experience that state which causes them to move throughout their lives. It's just on a different level you could say.
Anyway, volunteers usually ask why I am thinking of suicide and I hesitate to explain that anxiety it at the root of the cause. A typical, immediate response is, "have you been to see your doctor?" I have put the phone down on a number of occasions at that point.
It's true to say that I have had suicidal thoughts for many years but the last 18 months has been very tough. I made my first sincere, genuine attempt to end my life in September 2020, almost 8 months ago now.
But there are always 2 sides of the coin eh. Yeah, life's been life for a while but that hell has also prompted me to sit and think about suicide. I've used my experiences from the past to understand what suicdie means for me.
I have appreciated for a long time now that everyone experiences anxiety but, more recently, I have come to realise for myself that everything and everyone experiences anxiety because it is that force which prompts all movement. You could say that this is a more broader definition of anxiety than a medical one. Anxiety is experienced by everyone and everything. Something gets anxious and so it moves in an attempt to contend with that anxiety and reach a place where it can be without anxiety again. I'm not the only one who experiences anxiety and those people who think they're tough cookies and don't 'suffer from anxiety' are wrong because they too experience that state which causes them to move throughout their lives. It's just on a different level you could say.
