Discussion Who else thinks like this?

[Jynxer]

does anyone else's mind and thoughts always attack them?
I sometimes have a hard time doing everyday things ( aside from work, I always go to work) like just simple tidying around the house? I live alone, and I find myself procrastinating all the time! I know that my place isn't in that dirty of condition ( compared to a lot of houses I
deliver food to) but still I keep telling myself what a piece of shit I am to have my place that way. I mean, my place is fine. I have maybe 3 days of dishes in the kitchen and it's really not that bad but I'm sooo hard on myself.

I am in a place right now where I keep giving myself shit and being super harsh in the way I talk to myself ( more so than usual) that I can't even stand it anymore!!

Anyone have any tips on not being so hard on myself?
I'm not quite ready to say out loud ( or in writing) what I say to myself, but it's pretty harsh!

does anyone else's mind and thoughts always attack them?
I sometimes have a hard time doing everyday things ( aside from work, I always go to work) like just simple tidying around the house? I live alone, and I find myself procrastinating all the time! I know that my place isn't in that dirty of condition ( compared to a lot of houses I
deliver food to) but still I keep telling myself what a piece of shit I am to have my place that way. I mean, my place is fine. I have maybe 3 days of dishes in the kitchen and it's really not that bad but I'm sooo hard on myself.

I am in a place right now where I keep giving myself shit and being super harsh in the way I talk to myself ( more so than usual) that I can't even stand it anymore!!

Anyone have any tips on not being so hard on myself?
I'm not quite ready to say out loud ( or in writing) what I say to myself, but it's pretty harsh!

I should also say that my house was always clean due to my " manic" episodes that I used to have. Not anymore.... so I'm also wondering if my diagnoses as manic depressive was also wrong, as I'm always depressed now... for the last 2 years

 

[Orin]

Anyone have any tips on not being so hard on myself?

I struggle with this as well. But when my mind goes on the attack, i'll try to find out if what it's saying is true because most of the time my mind tells lies. Like sometimes i'd say to myself "I'm a loser because (insert various reasons)". But then i realize this is if i adhere to society's standards. But if i stick to my own values, i'm not such an awful person after all.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yea and Today is one of them days....my mind is a cruel one to me today.

My thoughts are with you and im sorry i dont know how to answer ur question as it is a question i keep asking myself.....

 

[LivingToLong]

But if i stick to my own values, i'm not such an awful person after all.

That's true. Our own opinions of ourself are the ones that matter most.What other people think.... depends who they are but generally they ought not carry too much weight.

You do have to be careful though because we are also our own worse critics. That inner voice that attacks you, that can also be the most damaging criticism you get. I don't know where the line is (I wish I knew!) but you have to listen to yourself, judge yourself by your own values but equally know when you are being overly critical. If I start hearing those critical voices, I try to divert myself. Find something to do that both engages me and gives me a pat on the back.

 

[Chalken]

Yes, my mind is a constant barrage of negative, self-defeating thoughts, but sometimes they aren't as severe when I manage to distract myself with some activity.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

I struggle with something like this, I think it's because I just feel I don't deserve anything no matter if I can afford to buy it or can put the time/determination in to gain it e.g. a new skill, etc. I've given up because I fundamentally have no hope, but I at least realise now so many years of my life have been like this likely because I've been depressed and haven't known it, or because of an abusive upbringing. I'm kind of free from it now since it doesn't matter because I'll be gone soon.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Anyone have any tips on not being so hard on myself?
I'm not quite ready to say out loud ( or in writing) what I say to myself, but it's pretty harsh!

First, maybe figure out why you're so hard on yourself. For me, my mom would yell at me all the time. I could never do any right. And my dad would mock me if I didn't know something or if something happened that wasn't good but wasn't my fault. For them, I was responsible for everything that could possibly happen and I was always making mistakes, regardless if the doctors, police, other people said otherwise. And slowly, I'm realizing that I wasn't wrong. I wasn't careless. I wasn't a fuckup. My brain still tells me I am, but knowing the source of it and knowing they were unreasonably harsh allows me to be okay with not being perfect and even making mistakes/not accomplishing something. Which brings me to...

Second, for the cleaning, I did this. Not sure if it will help you or if you've already tried it, but anyway: I had to have a good enough reason to clean. For me, it's so that I can CTB without someone having to do a massive clean afterward. Next, I wrote a to do list. But the list was overwhelming, so I made a shorter list. On that shorter list, I would put one thing on it. That was the goal for today. It should be something small, something I know I can do, like "gather washing supplies" (but not actually use them) or wash one dish. Then, try to do that, like wash one dish and no more. Even if it's the next day, whenever you get it done, mark it off your list. Then add the next thing on your list. And repeat.

It took me awhile to the first list item done and to get rolling, but eventually, I got better. I told myself, It's a process, I'm not a robot, and I'm human. After I got a number of things marked off, I realized my next list item can be a bit more (all the dishes...but not the cups), it's do-able/not overwhelming, and not the end of the world. And on the days I get nothing done, I look at all the things I have already crossed out and allow myself the day of no accomplishments without punishing myself.

 

[Jynxer]

First, maybe figure out why you're so hard on yourself. For me, my mom would yell at me all the time. I could never do any right. And my dad would mock me if I didn't know something or if something happened that wasn't good but wasn't my fault. For them, I was responsible for everything that could possibly happen and I was always making mistakes, regardless if the doctors, police, other people said otherwise. And slowly, I'm realizing that I wasn't wrong. I wasn't careless. I wasn't a fuckup. My brain still tells me I am, but knowing the source of it and knowing they were unreasonably harsh allows me to be okay with not being perfect and even making mistakes/not accomplishing something. Which brings me to...

Second, for the cleaning, I did this. Not sure if it will help you or if you've already tried it, but anyway: I had to have a good enough reason to clean. For me, it's so that I can CTB without someone having to do a massive clean afterward. Next, I wrote a to do list. But the list was overwhelming, so I made a shorter list. On that shorter list, I would put one thing on it. That was the goal for today. It should be something small, something I know I can do, like "gather washing supplies" (but not actually use them) or wash one dish. Then, try to do that, like wash one dish and no more. Even if it's the next day, whenever you get it done, mark it off your list. Then add the next thing on your list. And repeat.

It took me awhile to the first list item done and to get rolling, but eventually, I got better. I told myself, It's a process, I'm not a robot, and I'm human. After I got a number of things marked off, I realized my next list item can be a bit more (all the dishes...but not the cups), it's do-able/not overwhelming, and not the end of the world. And on the days I get nothing done, I look at all the things I have already crossed out and allow myself the day of no accomplishments without punishing myself.

Wow when u said to look at ppl in the past that gave me shit... I realize I did get in shit often too for not doing things " the right way" I did them as well as I could for any given age I was ( a child) not physically abused, but mentally.
My grandpa was pretty hard on me too, sometimes physically.

But I don't think that's to blame, as I was never quite this harsh on my self ( maybe even 5 years ago) as I am now.
As for the cleaning, lol I think about that too, sometimes, someone having to clean after me if I decide to go.

I try to think of things, sometimes, as if it takes less than 5 mins then just do it!
I've tried the list thing, but never narrowing it down. I just make a list, get overwhelmed by the size then give up. I will try the small list thing though. Maybe just narrow down to a cpl things in one room, as not to overwhelm.
But I am sick of giving myself kudos for only doing one thing ( dishes for example) as I don't feel I deserve it..... damn depression!!!

Thanks for the advice