Who Else Suffers From Intrusive Thoughts and/or Obsesses Over Negative Stuff?

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

If so, what is it? What is the root cause? What impact does it have on you?

 

[Weebster]

It's ocd and mine comes from trauma. It makes everyday tasks more difficult

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

It's ocd and mine comes from trauma. It makes everyday tasks more difficult

Kinda the same on my end.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My constant self-deprecating/self-loathing are so common that I can't objectively say they are intrusive anymore. The real intrusive thoughts I have these days are the sickeningly positive ones.

Every once in a while I get the "maybe you should apply for this job", "maybe you shouldn't try to kill yourself", "there's still hope for you to find a gf". Etc. These abhorrent thoughts don't come up that often but they make me sick because I know they're not true and that I made up my mind to CTB over a year and a half ago.

I think this might just be my survival instinct or DNA or maybe even my other self trying to sabotage me for self preservation. Might also be my lizard brain refusing to let me go until I at least reproduce and carry on this cycle of suffering. Thankfully as long as I carry on being this much of a worthless sad sack, that shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

My constant self-deprecating/self-loathing are so common that I can't objectively say they are intrusive anymore. The real intrusive thoughts I have these days are the sickeningly positive ones.

Every once in a while I get the "maybe you should apply for this job", "maybe you shouldn't try to kill yourself", "there's still hope for you to find a gf". Etc. These abhorrent thoughts don't come up that often but they make me sick because I know they're not true and that I made up my mind to CTB over a year and a half ago.

I think this might just be my survival instinct or DNA or maybe even my other self trying to sabotage me for self preservation. Might also be my lizard brain refusing to let me go until I at least reproduce and carry on this cycle of suffering. Thankfully as long as I carry on being this much of a worthless sad sack, that shouldn't be a problem.

Again, I can somewhat relate. At some point, my mentality shifted from "fuck it all" to attempting to find reasons to stay - almost as if they were excuses.

If I kill myself, I won't be able to listen to this musician. If I die, I won't be able to watch the next episode. That sort of thing. So, I'm attempting to recover, but I'm screwing up the process.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Again, I can somewhat relate. At some point, my mentality shifted from "fuck it all" to attempting to find reasons to stay - almost as if they were excuses.

If I kill myself, I won't be able to listen to this musician. If I die, I won't be able to watch the next episode. That sort of thing. So, I'm attempting to recover, but I'm screwing up the process.

Yeah, entertainment is so far all that keeps me tethered luckily there's not much I'll be that excited for after June.

 

[yabuki77]

I'll obsess sometimes for months every time i do something remotely embarassing and think about how much of a piece of shit i am. There's a lot of reasons why, I really hate being judged by people and i want everyone to see me as being perfect, but this also gives me crippling social anxiety to the point where I can't talk to anyone which in turn makes me a really weird and awkward person IRL. I don't think about it as much as i used to, but yeah I still struggle with it from time to time. Even the most tiny things can be traumatic for me because of how much I care about how people think about me and it's fucking horrible.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I'll obsess sometimes for months every time i do something remotely embarassing and think about how much of a piece of shit i am. There's a lot of reasons why, I really hate being judged by people and i want everyone to see me as being perfect, but this also gives me crippling social anxiety to the point where I can't talk to anyone which in turn makes me a really weird and awkward person IRL. I don't think about it as much as i used to, but yeah I still struggle with it from time to time. Even the most tiny things can be traumatic for me because of how much I care about how people think about me and it's fucking horrible.

For me, you hit the nail on the head. It's bad enough to have a low feeling of self-worth, but you're constantly thinking about the "mistakes" you've made.

This anxiety over fucking up and embarrassing yourself in front of everyone. So you refrain from doing anything to avoid the judgment of others, including your own.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

Yes, it's very easy for me to do. I'm a professional ruminator.

 

[Sockeye Salmon]

It's ocd and mine comes from trauma. It makes everyday tasks more difficult

Same

 

[ambiendreams]

I spend most of my time doing this and often can't sleep as a result, I relive humiliating experiences over and over in my head all day long. I drink to turn it off and pass out but when I wake up it's even worse. It's a miserable cycle. Currently there's one particular memory I'm obsessed with, I think about what happened in excruciating detail and fantasize about what I could have said and done differently. Over and over and over again. Part of the reason i want to ctb is I just can't seem to turn my brain off and I've tried everything from medication, therapy, meditation etc. it's torture

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be very painful as our thoughts can torture us. I have constant negative thoughts as my life is only suffering. Each day is very painful and I overthink everything. I get easily stressed and I have lots of dread for the future. Overall, I am scared of life.

 

[Marine]

My existential obliteration at the hands of my first love continues to torture and destroy me, especially since I've come across his profile on a dating site and saw that he was partnered recently.

I keep forcing myself to remember that no matter how good looking and good at lying he is he really is a moronic piece of narcissistic trash, but since I've never met anyone who surpassed him in over 3 years now I'm the one who feels like worthless doomed trash and the hatred towards this hell I'm enduring consumes me no matter how many positive things I turn to for help.

Only true love can fix this and it keeps eluding me, no matter how hard I try to make things better by myself in the meantime, nothing works in the long term. It's the worst conceivable agony.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I would say everyone on this site., and I am certainly one of them. Cannot wait to CTB so they stop.

 

[freedompass]

I totally do. I just made a post about what is far and away my worst regret and how I am shamed and censured by most people if I admit to it. I regret having been a parent, I really do and yes it sounds like I'm regretting my son's existence and it is super messed up and totally taboo to come out and say that stuff. Anyway it was the intrusive negative thoughts, persistent sadness and painful memories always just waiting in the background to pounce when distractions fail that prompted me to make that post.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I spend most of my time doing this and often can't sleep as a result, I relive humiliating experiences over and over in my head all day long. I drink to turn it off and pass out but when I wake up it's even worse. It's a miserable cycle. Currently there's one particular memory I'm obsessed with, I think about what happened in excruciating detail and fantasize about what I could have said and done differently. Over and over and over again. Part of the reason i want to ctb is I just can't seem to turn my brain off and I've tried everything from medication, therapy, meditation etc. it's torture

I relate a lot. It's awful. I even dream about it.

 

[Hirokami]

I almost always view myself as inherently worthless and I even fantasize about how I'd go. The cause is several traumatic experiences that made me feel worthless in the first place. Often, there's even this inner voice telling me that people would be better off without me and that I'd finally find peace once I'm no longer here. Even when I try to be more "positive", saying I have things I'd like to do in the future, I counter with, "Is that even worth it, though?" without fail.

 

[braindead91]

Mine came from a concussion that i had years ago. I still have not found a way to make them stop.

 

[.............]

The trauma train never stops, baby!

 

[Krieger]

Me, me, me. I have severe OCD that I cant find a way to treat. I even was put on anti psychotics for it. I have intrusive thoughts about killing myself or sometimes it's just gross imagery such as a decaying body or rotting food. It makes my life hell. I also have to constantly check if my door is locked and I have to count my steps and stop walking at a specific number. I even reach to the back of the shelf when shopping because my brain tells me the food at the front has been poisoned. OCD has made it so that I can't live a regular life. Sometimes I just want to drive a knife into my brain not to kill myself but just to stop the horrid thoughts. I know that doesn't make sense but it's a recurring feeling I have. OCD is a curse.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

By the way, I'm sorry for not relying on this thread more. I'm not sure what to say that would be "different" about these experiences because they seem so similar to my own. I'm dealing with the same concerns, so how could I be the one to offer advice or make any statements other than "Yeah, buddy, right there with ya."

I also don't want to come across as dismissing other people's feelings.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I get intrusive thoughts about losing my mind because I live with chronic pain. Sometimes, especially in the evenings, the pain is overwhelming and I feel very frail and unable to cope. That's when fear rears its ugly head and my mind lives a life of its own…

 

[Extreme_weather]

Gotta learn to live with ocd and intrusive thoughts. Learning not to give them importance is a quite useful skill to develop.

 

[RandomBeaver]

I get intrusive thoughts about the police forcing me to go to the hospital and the psychiatrist ruining all my plans.

The last time I went to hospital, I didn't have any suicidal thoughts, but that's what was written in my medical file...