NSFW Who else is a disgusting porn addict?

[avaruus]

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

 

[movinout17]

I feel this, I understand. Sexuality has caused me a lot of trouble, guilt and shame, even as a young as you were, like 7. And social anxiety just made everything weirder. Porn and isolation makes everything weirder. And, I just seemed to be awkward in general.

I go to a therapist, but I feel more comfortable to CTB instead of "changing". I'm 23, and ive given myself chances to be somebody, but continuing doesn't seem worth it to me. Thats what I think, personally, based on my life.

I don't know your whole life story, so maybe there's still a chance for you to overcome. Porn itself is not bad, and a lot of people deal with porn as a vice. I remember going without porn for almost 3 months in college, a personal record, but I realized that it wasn't making my life better to stop cold turkey. Do you have hobbies, friends and interests?

May we find peace

 

[Some place nice]

I was also exposed to pron at a young age and tho i could make guy friends, I'd only seen them as possible opportunities also. Eventually as I realized that I also likes girls thats how I viewed them as well. I lost all my friends bc of it.

 

[letmejoindeath]

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

I have the testosterone of an 80 year old man.

All thoughout my 20s I had women throwing themselves at me that I turned away because I was never horny.

Now I figured out my test was low so I got on the shots. Now I have the sex drive of a 20 year old and no one wants to fuck any more.

So now I just get depressed when I get horny and probably will stop taking testosterone so I can go back to being more asexual. It just sucks because it's the first time I've had any sort of confidence in a long time but it's just causing me more depression now.

 

[brokeandbroken]

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

Sounds more to me like you are a victim then anything else. Also I'm not sure what you are saying you have low testosterone for... And I hope you have your opioid usage under control.

 

[Blue Elephant]

But what are you gonna do!? You gotta have some fun somehow, for some of us this is the only choice we have.

 

[tiger b]

I think shyness causes a lot of problems!

Imagine if you didn't have those intense uncomfortable feelings - you'd have had more confidence, I guess, in developing talking to girls and maybe things might have been different then. Maybe that will change if you want it to. Maybe.

I don't see why you're giving yourself a hard time. You've a lot of self-knowledge and wisdom. That's definitely not disgusting.

 

[Oneness]

I was addicted to porn when I was younger but I overcame it by realizing that it harms my mental health. Sadly many people get addicted at a very young age. It will take immense willpower to break the addiction but it's possible. You are not disgusting, you just were unlucky to become addicted to it.

The best 2 subreddits that helped me greatly to break my porn addiction are NoFap and Semen-Retention. I suggest you do a deep dive to these two subreddits.

 

[leavingsoon99]

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

I felt every word of this. I, too, struggled with porn addiction. I was exposed to it at age 6, and I was also molested by one of my mother's boyfriends and a babysitter (female). Although I was able to establish some basically healthy romantic relationships, porn ravaged my life. It made me feel like a disgusting filth pile. I was finally able to overcome it later on in my life, but looking back at how much I depended on it. Especially in my teen years... I feel so ashamed of myself. I was sexualized by family and people I trusted. Yet, I had no one there to show me how to relate to women in a healthy way. It's not that I looked at them all as sex objects, but porn made me unable to properly communicate with women. I felt intimidated by them. I'd be so crushed if a girl didn't like me. Yet, I didn't know how to talk to her and give myself a chance with her.

Porn destroyed a lot of my social life. It destroyed my relationships with females. I hate it so much. I really hate how sexualized social media is now. I feel so sorry for younger men and boys now. It's like porn is the norm. It's an accepted occupation... sex worker. No one is thinking of the negative impact this will have on both boys and girls. And it's sickening.

I want you to know that you're not alone.

 

[hi-okbye]

i relate. at a young age i was also exposed to porn. i remember spending hours at night on this little tablet i had sneaked into my room watching it. masturbation never appealed to me, i hardly even do it now, and i would never do it while watching porn. it used to be an on and off addiction for me, then in my teen years, porn also turned into gore. i would spend hours watching gore videos, then porn, then back to gore. it would go back and forth and back and forth. i realized after a while, after talking to my therapist about this issue (only the gore, not the porn), that it was my way of dealing with depression. these videos would kinda block out my feeling of stress and sadness. i wouldn't think about anything else other than what i was watching on screen. eventually when i started finding healthier ways of dealing with my depression for a bit, the interest to spend hours alone in my room watching videos kinda slowly diminished. i gave myself better things to do. the depression came back after some time, like usual, but the addiction didn't, not too sure why, maybe i just got bored of it. i think i'd rather spend my time thinking about how to ctb than getting rid of those thoughts and wasting my time watching thoese videos.
your not discussing for dealing with that, many people do. it's especially harmful when it starts from a young age. i hope seeing all these people relating to you helped OP, good luck <3

 

[carac]

I get this about the shyness, I was at this thing today where I had to sit and wait for 15 mins. There was nowhere to sit other than next to this young lady. Normally with anyone else I would strike up a conversion to pass the time but I can't if its anyone like this. I get scared stiff and just think they won't want this creep talking to them. It's not like I was even looking to chat her up or anything, just a conversation but I couldn't even say hi.

 

[tiger b]

I get this about the shyness, I was at this thing today where I had to sit and wait for 15 mins. There was nowhere to sit other than next to this young lady. Normally with anyone else I would strike up a conversion to pass the time but I can't if its anyone like this. I get scared stiff and just think they won't want this creep talking to them. It's not like I was even looking to chat her up or anything, just a conversation but I couldn't even say hi.

That's a real shame. You probably could have given her a fascinating conversation and made her day without even trying. Shyness is just so horrid.

 

[mob]

An addiction is an addiction, there's not much you can control about it sometimes. I myself discovered porn at a young age and it's fucked me up, even though I didn't realize it until a year ago. It twisted my views on love completely.

Good news: You can overcome every addiction, even though it's gonna be hard. It's up to you.

 

[tiger b]

i relate. at a young age i was also exposed to porn. i remember spending hours at night on this little tablet i had sneaked into my room watching it. masturbation never appealed to me, i hardly even do it now, and i would never do it while watching porn. it used to be an on and off addiction for me, then in my teen years, porn also turned into gore. i would spend hours watching gore videos, then porn, then back to gore. it would go back and forth and back and forth. i realized after a while, after talking to my therapist about this issue (only the gore, not the porn), that it was my way of dealing with depression. these videos would kinda block out my feeling of stress and sadness. i wouldn't think about anything else other than what i was watching on screen. eventually when i started finding healthier ways of dealing with my depression for a bit, the interest to spend hours alone in my room watching videos kinda slowly diminished. i gave myself better things to do. the depression came back after some time, like usual, but the addiction didn't, not too sure why, maybe i just got bored of it. i think i'd rather spend my time thinking about how to ctb than getting rid of those thoughts and wasting my time watching thoese videos.
your not discussing for dealing with that, many people do. it's especially harmful when it starts from a young age. i hope seeing all these people relating to you helped OP, good luck <3

I only saw porn when I was in my 20s. I had dated etc before then.

I find that porn doesn't affect how I see women in life, or affect relationships. I actually enjoy female company anyway.

Had I seen porn at a younger age, well...maybe things would have been a lot different. Maybe also I would have avoided somewhat shallow relationships too...

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

In todays world with porn so easily available youre definatly not alone. Loads of ppl get hooked on porn.

For me personally i first got SAd at around like 5 and i didnt really know what was happening i just knew it felt good and from there SA plus some other weird childhood crap plus maybe being born just a tad weird caused me to be into some weird stuff very young. Didnt rlly know what masturbating or porn (mainly bc i did it to weird slightly unconvencional stuff) was until i was like 15 and a friend told me now i think about it. I kinda just realised spot getting touched made me feel better. My problem wasnt helped by the fact that my parents took me out of all sex ed stuff but also failed to teach me any sex ed (very religious but also relucant to teach me anything non acidemical). i didnt even know women had vags until i was like 12 and a few of my friends were getting changed to play in the lake. Tbh the very stricit religious upbringing and rather extreme take on men shouldnt even touch women who arent family until marridge and being forced into the closet for life probably also contributed to the problem. Never really felt a particular akwardness around a spesific gender because i was bi but never realised it (plus a healthy dose of my parents giving me several dont be gay talks instead of sex ed talks lol) just caused me to kinda be awkward around both genders. Never really had the problem of seeing women as sex objects as I always had quite a few women friends.

Anyway i never found a healthy coping mechanism but i turned to extreme self harm around my genital region (inner thighs, area just above shaft stuff like that) because i thought it might make me less desirable but its kinda just become an outlet for my sexual disgust over the years. Sometimes when i get a bit horny i wash my skin repeatedly or sometimes with diluted bleach (its not that as bad as it sounds it just kinda helps plus bleach smells nice lmao). Theres some more but i think theyre a lil too embarssing to type out i think ive already exposed myself enough in one thread

 

[Enlighten]

Men are just naturally insanely horny. It is our biological imperative that makes us horny so we go try to fuck a mate.
Almost any single man would want to fuck an attractive girl around his age if she would want it too, it's part of nature.
Not watching porn doesn't magically fix your life. It's only good if you can't control yourself at all.

 

[Orbitc]

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

Why do you hate yourself for this? On the contrary, if it interests you and gives you pleasure, that's cool. You shouldn't be ashamed of this. It's bad when a person is no longer interested in anything. I'm no longer interested in sex because of my job - I hate my job in escort.

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

Why do you hate yourself for this? On the contrary, if it interests you and gives you pleasure, that's cool. You shouldn't be ashamed of this. It's bad when a person is no longer interested in anything. I'm no longer interested in sex because of my job - I hate my job escort.

This is gonna be super embarrassing and vulnerable thing to open about, but i'm gonna die soon anyways, so fuck it.

I've always been very very shy around girls, i've never had a girlfriend, or even girl as a friend.
Even back in kindergarden, i was always with my boys
But it's not that i didn't like them, or didn't want to interact with them.
I've just always been horribly shy, so even making an eye contact with them has been always made me blush.
And they didn't really approach me.

And so, of course i'm a male with (low) testosterone, so naturally i had to unleash my horniness to somewhere.
So i became a porn addict, instead of interacting with women.

But where did it all began?
I was exposed to pornography at about 7 years old.
I still remember it vividly, it was a poster at some car mechanics office that me and my parents were visiting.
I was mesmerized.

I started browsing the internet at 8 years old, mostly youtube, so i don't even remember how.
But somehow i ended up in a site where there were nude girls. I didn't know how to jack off yet, so i just watched them.

So it was relatively mild, until i got in my teens. Then i unlocked the secrets of masturbating.
It was easy, you didn't have to do anything, just type some word at the search bar, no risks (except getting caught by parents :P)
But soon it totally consumed me, i probably haven't spent more than 3 days without watching porn for the last 7 years.

And i fucking hate it, it made my alienation from girls even stronger, i don't really know if i started to view them only as "sex objects" like it's commonly described.
But i did certainly started to view every girl interaction as a possible mating chance, so i had definetly some sort of unhealthy view of women.

Though i haven't really talked to girls much for my whole life, but the only times i have... I've always made them super creepy and cringe.

I remember one example when i was at outside on a summer night with my cousin when i was 16, and we met two girls who were about the same age.
We went rowing in a small boat on our local lake.
I didn't know what to say; I was mostly silent. I let my cousin do the talking.
But the one time I did open my mouth, it was the most creepiest and slimiest thing to say.
Which was, "Have you lost your virginity already?"

I didn't even realize how creepy it was at the moment, but my cousin was afterward like "wtf was that dude".

Porn has definitely had a significant negative impact on my life. I don't know if I would have gotten closer to girls and women if I had never consumed it, since I was also naturally shy and socially anxious But it certainly hit the final nail in the coffin for my eternal virginity.


I deleted my porn collection about a week ago because I hadn't really felt any sexual desire for the past month (due to low testosterone from depression and opioid usage)
I thought i had finally overcome it, even tho it didn't really matter, as i was going to die soon anyways. But i was just really proud of myself.

But, i'm writing this as i just jacked off to porn. Again, as i did also yesteday...

And i feel disgusted. Because i am disgusting.
CTB ASAP.

Is there any other man (or woman) who has combatted with the same issue.
Did you ever overcome it?

Why do you hate yourself for this? On the contrary, if it interests you and gives you pleasure, that's cool. You shouldn't be ashamed of this. It's bad when a person is no longer interested in anything. I'm no longer interested in sex because of my job - I hate my job - escort.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

Yeah, porn sucks if you over consume it. Since I was 11 I masturbated 1-6 times per day, with a few significant brakes (from a week to 2 months). I don't know how but it never changed my views on women negatively, even though I was super awkward in middle school.
It sucks so much when you try to quit and get sucked back in randomly. It's just hard after your brain has been wired to porn since pre-teens.

 

[letmejoindeath]

Men are just naturally insanely horny. It is our biological imperative that makes us horny so we go try to fuck a mate.
Almost any single man would want to fuck an attractive girl around his age if she would want it too, it's part of nature.
Not watching porn doesn't magically fix your life. It's only good if you can't control yourself at all.

This is so true but society is teaching us that we are bad because of it.

Some people want to outlaw human nature. Like these girls on tiktok who specifically where pants that show the shape of their pussy, then act like men are animals for just glancing inadvertently.

I mean what is the point of them wearing that? Does it feel good to have something shoved up your butt and cooch?

"It's fashionable"
Well yeah, it's fashionable because it makes men look at women because it doesn't leave much to the imagination. That is the only reason it is fashionable because it's certainly not more functional than regular pants.

Society is basically trying to make any straight white male kill themselves because everything about us is bad. Our ancestry, our money, our skin color, our sexuality. Everyone should hate being completely normal and we will put lgbtq and people color on a pedestal.

I tried creating a Facebook business page and I got a pop up saying Facebook supports "diverse" owned businesses. Then it lists off every race and being a women except for straight white males. Started reading into and they give higher placement in results for diverse businesses.

So even if you bust your ass people are going to find someone just because they are trans or black. Basically telling me to go to the back of the bus.

Liberals in America are more racist than the current version of the KKK

They have created a country where nothing is based on merit but the color of your skin or sexuality.

95% of us white people went to the same public schools and have the same shitty lives but you want to demonize literally all of us, even if we are living in the ghetto, for our "privilege". Just because the few evil rich guys, who are also fucking us, are white males.

 

[SmollMushroom]

Most people watch porn. I'd say one is addicted to it when they watch it non stop.
I'd say your difficult relationship with the opposite sex was more due to your social anxiety...
Also I agree with @Orbitc, you shouldn't be so ashamed of it. Just take things in moderation.
I almost never watched porn in my life and I'm still alone with no friends or romantic relationships, but I'm also shy and suffer from social anxiety.

I'd suggest you to have a look at this guy's post and my reply to it because I think we are talking more or less about the same thing, so I'd give you the same thoughts. Also the video is very interesting.

 

[Oncologynurz123]

I'm a hetero woman here. Porn addiction is a real thing. And like many have said on here, it's because of your social anxiety. Are you unattractive? Is that what causes anxiety? There is someone for everyone, I truly believe that. Dm me.

 

[Enlighten]

This is so true but society is teaching us that we are bad because of it.

Some people want to outlaw human nature. Like these girls on tiktok who specifically where pants that show the shape of their pussy, then act like men are animals for just glancing inadvertently.

I mean what is the point of them wearing that? Does it feel good to have something shoved up your butt and cooch?

"It's fashionable"
Well yeah, it's fashionable because it makes men look at women because it doesn't leave much to the imagination. That is the only reason it is fashionable because it's certainly not more functional than regular pants.

Society is basically trying to make any straight white male kill themselves because everything about us is bad. Our ancestry, our money, our skin color, our sexuality. Everyone should hate being completely normal and we will put lgbtq and people color on a pedestal.

I tried creating a Facebook business page and I got a pop up saying Facebook supports "diverse" owned businesses. Then it lists off every race and being a women except for straight white males. Started reading into and they give higher placement in results for diverse businesses.

So even if you bust your ass people are going to find someone just because they are trans or black. Basically telling me to go to the back of the bus.

Liberals in America are more racist than the current version of the KKK

They have created a country where nothing is based on merit but the color of your skin or sexuality.

95% of us white people went to the same public schools and have the same shitty lives but you want to demonize literally all of us, even if we are living in the ghetto, for our "privilege". Just because the few evil rich guys, who are also fucking us, are white males.

I mean, you're not wrong

 

[Don’tDoxMe]

I have periods where I'm obsessed with porn. It's only drawn furry porn though, because I was used in CP as a 3 and 4 year old and so I find real porn to be disgusting and exploitive.

 

[piger]

We all stumble dude. My friends have just gone complete cold chicken to ditch porn. I still struggle daily with an addiction and I hate it. My brain is probably fried (porn addictions deteriorate your brain similar to meth) as I feel like my brain short circuits a lot and I can't recall information too well sometimes. Socially 'm a piece of shit (I'm lonely anyway and largely anti-porn) and wondering if something is wrong to say. I think it really affected how I was with a girl interested in me because I felt like a predator flirting back at her or asking her out when really it shouldn't have been a big deal. I need to go cold chicken as well but I've never had the discipline to stick to it and go on a complete detox and replace triggers and problem behaviors because I keep falling into worse areas.

 

[Orbitc]

Ouch, my internet didn't work well and my message was sent several times)) now I look like a fanatical defender of the porn industry)))
Why do you all feel guilty here and try to remove something that brings you pleasure from your life just because society condemns it? Maybe we should start thinking less about other people's opinions? Society considers masturbation a perversion - the same thing happened with homosexuality - maybe it's just worth recognizing the fact that someone likes masturbation moretgen sex? To be honest, I have never had an orgasm with men, I have had sex with thousands of men - (I work as an escort) but I can easily get an orgasm through masturbation. I'm not ashamed of it. You just should approach your this more simply.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Very intriguing and relatable. Thank you for being so brave to put this out in the open. I see a lot of similarities in my life thus far. Both in regards to porn addiction and awkward interaction with women. I was fortunate enough in my younger days to be a decent looking fella and never found it particulaly difficult to get entangled with women. Alcohol also helped the situation moe often than not. The initial stages was always easy and pleasant, but every time without fail, my austism (or maybe it's Aspberger's) would kick in and I would find myself saying or acting ultra cringe. Over time, I realized that my condition is here to stay and I cannot do anything about it - hence the urge to CTB so badly.

I was even married for years and still resorted to porn very often during my marriage. I think it was partly because it is so convenient, the women are so attractive (more attractive than ex-wife I hate to say) and the internet with it's variety makes it so easy to find what you looking for.

Like you, being on the a medication like Effexor for a short period killed my libido and only then was I able to experience what it feels like to not have sex on my mind 24/7 like normal people, which I feel was also a byproduct of my autism. But now that I am only on Addeall, a stimulant, I'm back to being horny almost every waking hour. Also like you, I was exposed to hardcore porn around 3rd grade, which I agree exascerbated it. There were times in my 20s when I would jerk it up to 10, 11, 12 times in one day.

It's easy to perceive such an addiction as "disgusting", but if you really think about it, is it anything more than a heightened manifestation of innate primitive behavior that is beyond our control, which drives the human race to keep procreating?

 

[avaruus]

I'm a hetero woman here. Porn addiction is a real thing. And like many have said on here, it's because of your social anxiety. Are you unattractive? Is that what causes anxiety? There is someone for everyone, I truly believe that. Dm me.

I am fairly unattractive, the only thing going for me is my tall height.

What causes my anxiety? I don't know, i've always been really shy, maybe it just got amplified by my puberty.

"Can't get hurt by rejection/failing if you never even try."
That's been my way of thinking.

And no, there is no one for me. Not saying this out of just self-pity, it's just i have truly nothing to offer to anyone.

Ouch, my internet didn't work well and my message was sent several times)) now I look like a fanatical defender of the porn industry)))
Why do you all feel guilty here and try to remove something that brings you pleasure from your life just because society condemns it? Maybe we should start thinking less about other people's opinions? Society considers masturbation a perversion - the same thing happened with homosexuality - maybe it's just worth recognizing the fact that someone likes masturbation moretgen sex? To be honest, I have never had an orgasm with men, I have had sex with thousands of men - (I work as an escort) but I can easily get an orgasm through masturbation. I'm not ashamed of it. You just should approach your this more simply.

Why do you hate yourself for this? On the contrary, if it interests you and gives you pleasure, that's cool. You shouldn't be ashamed of this. It's bad when a person is no longer interested in anything. I'm no longer interested in sex because of my job - I hate my job in escort.

Well, sure you can probably have a healthy relation to porn, and get off once in a while. But for me, like i said, it has completely severed my connection to women.
I feel guilty, because i cannot stop.

I don't want to watch porn. It feels disgusting, because i cannot stop. It's scary how i don't have control over my urges, especially sexual urges.

Believe or not, i'm a really romantical person.
Which is why i haven't even lost my virginity to a prostitute, i don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't actually want me.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I am fairly unattractive, the only thing going for me is my tall height.

Man unless you're missing half of your face I think you might be wrong. And besides, beauty can be different things: it can be your physical aspect (which if you're unhappy with can be changed to a certain degree), it can be how you feel about yourself and it can also be how you feel about the world and how you treat others.

What causes my anxiety? I don't know, i've always been really shy, maybe it just got amplified by my puberty.

You're anxious because you think that you don't know how to behave in the presence of a girl you like, it makes you uncomfortable. Hmm.. you might be right about that, you might not know, because of a lack of experience. But you know what? It slowly fades away when and if you meet the right person. I know this because this happended to me.

"Can't get hurt by rejection/failing if you never even try."
That's been my way of thinking.

This though.. I'm not sure I have an answer for it. On one side I'm happy that I met and have been with a girl, it was a beautiful experience and it tought me things, it changed me hopefully into a better person, but on the other.. it was the final straw, she broke me, it taught me that there is no one I should ever trust again and it made me decide that the best course of action is CBT.

And no, there is no one for me. Not saying this out of just self-pity, it's just i have truly nothing to offer to anyone.

Oh I'm sure you're wrong about this. Don't belittle yourself! sometimes we are far greater beings than so many around us, we've just been pounded with the notion that we are less (or nothing) because we are different.

Should I feel bad because all I have to offer is love and wit and care and fun instead of money and social status? I will not!

Well, sure you can probably have a healthy relation to porn, and get off once in a while. But for me, like i said, it has completely severed my connection to women.

What is the connection between watching porn and talking to girls!? Go to my second answer and then also know that I've been like you when I met a beautiful person which I've been with for three years. Watching porn was actually very useful because it taught me how to pleasure her in bed. I was a fucking superstar vs 20 or 30 or however many guys she had sex with before she met me and to this day I still can't believe it. Of course just watching porn is not everything, you have to love, you have to care about her as well.

I feel guilty, because i cannot stop.

I don't want to watch porn. It feels disgusting, because i cannot stop. It's scary how i don't have control over my urges, especially sexual urges.

Don't stop! just, moderate! Do you need tips on how to do that?

Believe or not, i'm a really romantical person.
Which is why i haven't even lost my virginity to a prostitute, i don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't actually want me.

I believe you! But you know, a prostitute will definitely want you if you pay her! ; )

 

[LeoSS]

I am fairly unattractive, the only thing going for me is my tall height.

What causes my anxiety? I don't know, i've always been really shy, maybe it just got amplified by my puberty.

"Can't get hurt by rejection/failing if you never even try."
That's been my way of thinking.

And no, there is no one for me. Not saying this out of just self-pity, it's just i have truly nothing to offer to anyone.


Well, sure you can probably have a healthy relation to porn, and get off once in a while. But for me, like i said, it has completely severed my connection to women.
I feel guilty, because i cannot stop.

I don't want to watch porn. It feels disgusting, because i cannot stop. It's scary how i don't have control over my urges, especially sexual urges.

Believe or not, i'm a really romantical person.
Which is why i haven't even lost my virginity to a prostitute, i don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't actually want me.

Sex Addicts Anonymous is at https://saa-recovery.org/our-program/ There are several others but SAA has the most online meetings along with SPAA (Sex & Porn Addicts Anonymous http://spaa-recovery.org/zoom-meetings/).
You're not alone. This is one of the most addictive "substances" in the world. It floods the brain with chemicals; dopamine and several others that they're just learning about.

 

[sadproton]

I 100% relate. I have had periods of success on nofap. Other people may call it crazy, but it worked for me to ditch the porn addiction.

IMO the best solution to long term be get off porn is to get better at rubbing one out based on memories of women you've seen during the day, clothed. Then your brain isn't being fried with excess dopamine from unrealistic, on-demand images. It might not work as first, but after a bit you'll readjust. It's a more natural state and IMO you will feel a lot less shame about it. This approach helped me to be more confident to pursue women, too.

Porn is a drug. I failed today, and am just now trying to get myself back on track. I hate the standards it sets... so freaking dumb. It messes with my brain.

While you and I both have already fucked our dopamine circuits, the best plan for now is to get off of it. We might fail at some point in the future; it's a continuous effort, not just something that changes overnight.