Anybody else has sn and scared to go through with it? I have had mine for about a year and keep doubting myself. It's torture
ADeadBunny
🪦 July 20th, 2003 - January 8th, 2024
- Nov 19, 2023
- 131
I'm don't have SN, but I do have Nitrogen. I completely get what you mean though. It's like I'm constantly yo-yoing back and forth between my desire to die and my will to live. I'm hoping I can ctb tonight, but at this point it's a coinflip.
Hey you are new I can only recommend going through the suicide resource section on the forum. There you can find everything you need to know
LaVieEnRose
Angelic
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,181
Are you afraid of death itself or the specific physiological side effects specifically associated with SN?
Not afraid of death but just need a method to do it ..I wanna do pills but I'm in Canada and need to get them
tidal1
Member
- Oct 30, 2023
- 74
I haven't had for nearly as long, but yes, I'm afraid to go through with it. I'm scared of organ/brain damage and I keep waiting and wishing for another option to become available to me like N or even opiates, although I know they aren't necessarily as effective. It feels like stalling but I still want something more peaceful, but at the same time, it's also a lot of live with the emotional pain so idk maybe one day I'll cave and actually do it. I'm very wishy washy with my suicidal tendencies tbh
Im in the same boat my friend even though my SN is from a very famous source , i would take it even without testing it and i would be gone.
But SI is a very powerful code of evolution, without it , no life. That's why this code is so hard to beat , billions of years of evolution.
Who are we to beat that easily. That's why people who commit suicide, they were powerful enough to beat it in that moment, unbelievable. Some people will never beat SI, that's the cold hard truth no matter how difficult their situation is, i hope its not me.
I think you need to suffer so much to beat it.
But SI is a very powerful code of evolution, without it , no life. That's why this code is so hard to beat , billions of years of evolution.
Who are we to beat that easily. That's why people who commit suicide, they were powerful enough to beat it in that moment, unbelievable. Some people will never beat SI, that's the cold hard truth no matter how difficult their situation is, i hope its not me.
I think you need to suffer so much to beat it.
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soontobedone
Leave blank
- Feb 27, 2023
- 314
I want to be done...to sleep forever... but I fear the process., if I do it, I cannot afford to fail. I'll end up homeless.
real person
Experienced
- Dec 11, 2023
- 207
Unfortunately I ordered a year ago and that source is no longer available. I'm not sure what the current sources are but people are getting it so try asking around
OccydePoes
Global Mod
- Feb 13, 2020
- 3,004
Your account is much to young to be asking this kind of questions. How do users know you are to be trusted?
annointed_towers
Cursed by God
- Dec 9, 2022
- 314
I've had mine for a year just sitting in the closet. I'm afraid of the damage of a failed attempt.
Whilst these are very legitimate concerns about failure and possible consequences from it, it's truly something you'll have to either get past to ctb because its a risk and others have done so before or not ctb due to that fear being too overwhelming to overcome in that moment which in itself is nothing easy to do. I think regardless of the method and how assured it is to work, the mind will go back and forth between ctb and the fear of what happens if you don't ctb, it's like a compromise the mind is trying to reach in order to avoid the worst outcome imaginable whilst mitigating the possibility of being in such a situation to begin with. I'm more afraid of what happens if I don't do it, with all the hours of research and prep time i spent that I can't get back whilst still knowing quite a bit about a method that is supposed to be my go to exit choice with no better alternatives available, at some point it'll come to a head because holding onto the method forever doesn't make sense. These are just some of the thoughts that one will have to contend with for however long. SI is no easy thing to defeat after all and successes in general are rather small compared to the attempts made although most attempts are impulsive with very little to no intent to be seriously harm to life.
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I don't have sn, I've considered this method but it scares me too, it's really bad to feel like you can't access a mean that makes you feel safe in case of necessity..so I understand how you are feeling..:/
casual_existence
Student
- Jul 29, 2023
- 198
Same. So annoying. Nobody is holding me back. It's all there but I just won't do it. Curiously this is what my life has been like. Know what to do just can't follow through.
ADeadBunny
🪦 July 20th, 2003 - January 8th, 2024
- Nov 19, 2023
- 131
Well I clearly didn't follow through last night, but I hope you're able to make a decision you're happy with. The indecisiveness is the worst.
casual_existence
Student
- Jul 29, 2023
- 198
If I had a full nitrogen set up I'd prolly be gone already. Less things can go wrong w it if properly set up
ADeadBunny
🪦 July 20th, 2003 - January 8th, 2024
- Nov 19, 2023
- 131
I thought I would be too, but life has a great way of making you feel guilty for ending your suffering. There are people that will be hurt by my passing regardless of what I want to believe. I'm trying to do my best to make sure that I won't be missed. Something always seems to draw me back in when I start getting ready to attempt again. This is partially because I want this to be my last attempt and I want it to be successful. You might be in a different situation, but that's why I'm still here. I'm still going to ctb, I'm just not sure exactly when. Could be tonight, could be a month from now or later. I really don't know anymore.
I'm in the UK and luckily managed to get mine from within the UK as well, so I'm holding onto it. Long story short - I met a great friend when we were both in hospital with cancer surgeries. We are both terminal. She got hold of SN from 'the meat guy' in the UK, and used it successfully in the summer and got me enough for myself as well. I'm not afraid as such, but I'm not ready yet. When I come closer to what would be the 'natural' end, and life becomes harder with the illness, that's when I'll make the call and do it.
caninecomposer
Unappreciated artist
- Dec 18, 2023
- 142
I'm disappointed that I learned about SN so late. I'm debating trying to acquire it now before it's even harder to obtain, but I really worry about illegitimate sources. Within 1 day of getting some and verifying the purity, I wouldn't hesitate to enjoy a peaceful permanent rest.
Are you less afraid because you know that your friend has already gone with it and it wasn't as bad of an experience?
Sorry to hear this. I've msa which is terminal. I have sn stashed, I guess you are finding it hard this time of year. Don't do anything rash, you sound like you have it figured out
I'm in this situation. Got my SN, it's stored in my wardrobe, just gotta sum up the courage to do it!
What a coincidence, wardrobe too as well as all my meds and the scale I bought.
CheekyPhobia
Reasonless, well it stands to reason...
- Aug 1, 2022
- 141
I've had my replacement for a month or so. I think the best thing to do is set a date in your mind, maybe one with significance to you, and get your things in order so that you feel peaceful when the time comes and you don't back out. That's what I'm doing at least.
I'm absolutely terrified. Mine came in today and it will most likely just sit around. I don't have access to prescription meds.. I'm scared of the pain/failing and devastating my family. It came earlier than expected and my mom was the one who handed it to me, so there's more guilt there. Got lucky with it not labeled!
This morning I also had this stabbing cramp like pain that made me nauseous and shaking. I thought I was getting a UTI or kidney infection. I was on the floor rocking myself with a heating pad. Taking SN is going to be far worse esp with the racing heart. If I can barely handle that, I might panic with SN. My SI is strong and I'm not smart enough to even go through with it properly. Every method is so damn scary. I'm forever trapped
This morning I also had this stabbing cramp like pain that made me nauseous and shaking. I thought I was getting a UTI or kidney infection. I was on the floor rocking myself with a heating pad. Taking SN is going to be far worse esp with the racing heart. If I can barely handle that, I might panic with SN. My SI is strong and I'm not smart enough to even go through with it properly. Every method is so damn scary. I'm forever trapped
