Discussion Which year was worst for you?

[iwannaendme]

Like which year had most bad events that made you realize you wanna ctb? Or simply was just worst one.

For me it was definitely 2018. If I could I would delete this whole shit year. Also I had my first attemp that year. From January to December it was just horrible. Every damn week or day something happened, like seriously. I'm so surprised I'm still here, honestly I thought I would be gone by now. But I'm so happy that my time is coming and I'm starting to accepting my fate and I just can't wait for that moment. I'm planning to ctb in two weeks, can't be here during the summer tho, shits will happen that time.

 

[Halo13]

2008: failed ctb attempt taking opioids, tons of benzos, etc resulting in a coma for 3 months. I was pronounced dead and resuscitated. My husband left me less than a month after we were married, filed annulment papers while I was in the hospital.

 

[iwannaendme]

2008: failed ctb attempt taking opioids, tons of benzos, etc resulting in a coma for 3 months. I was pronounced dead and resuscitated. My husband left me less than a month after we were married, filed annulment papers while I was in the hospital.

jesus fucking christ. im so sorry for that.. hopefully you feeling bit better by now. 11 years? I cant imagine that i would be here for so long time. Sorry to hear it didnt worked for you :(

 

[Halo13]

jesus fucking christ. im so sorry for that.. hopefully you feeling bit better by now. 11 years? I cant imagine that i would be here for so long time. Sorry to hear it didnt worked for you :(

I've had many many attempts since then. Spent a grand total of 3 years in psych wards and was closely watched after that attempt - the doctors wouldn't prescribe me for more than a week's worth of meds for several years after, can't purchase a firearm, etc. To add insult to injury, he stole every penny I had and disappeared.

 

[ExitTheDay]

2016: Friend since kindergarten decided it was a great idea to fuck my girlfriend (only dated 1 year and 7 months), I didn't give a shit about losing her in the process because obviously she wasn't good enough for me, all I care about is why he betrayed me

 

[iwannaendme]

2016: Friend since kindergarten decided it was a great idea to fuck my girlfriend (only dated 1 year and 7 months), I didn't give a shit about losing her in the process because obviously she wasn't good enough for me, all I care about is why he betrayed me

When I'm in relationship I'm very loyal and something like this would literally destroy me. U must be so strong tho. What a dick friend he was tho... u feel any better by now?

 

[Conflicted Cat]

2015. The year that everything went wrong. Suicide attempts, fighting with family, psych wards, and many other things. Dark times. But you know what? I'm glad it all happened, or else I wouldn't be who I am now, or live where I am now, in my own little flat, with no one around to bug me.

 

[Princessangel]

2018 as well was the worst year of my life :/

 

[ExitTheDay]

When I'm in relationship I'm very loyal and something like this would literally destroy me. U must be so strong tho. What a dick friend he was tho... u feel any better by now?

I feel much better about it, although sometimes it does cross my mind to why he did it, why he would do such a thing to me when we shared so many great memories together, and also have been through life/ or death experiences... maybe one day I will find out, maybe not... but until then it remains unanswered

 

[Halo13]

2015. The year that everything went wrong. Suicide attempts, fighting with family, psych wards, and many other things. Dark times. But you know what? I'm glad it all happened, or else I wouldn't be who I am now, or live where I am now, in my own little flat, with no one around to bug me.

I agree with you there - living alone definitely has it's benefits! I have privacy and quiet, which I value so much as an introvert.

 

[iwannaendme]

2018 as well was the worst year of my life :/

I heard a lot of people saying that it was worst year for them as well. 2018 is a big shit. Can you tell us why it was worst for you?

 

[Princessangel]

I heard a lot of people saying that it was worst year for them as well. 2018 is a big shit. Can you tell us why it was worst for you?

I lost my grandad who I lived with when I wasn't at uni, I failed uni, I was assaulted and got a chronic illness

 

[iwannaendme]

I lost my grandad who I lived with when I wasn't at uni, I failed uni, I was assaulted and got a chronic illness

Oh, I'm sorry for that :( he's in a better place, tho. Hopefully you feel better

 

[ImsooDone1N]

2015. That year, for so, so many reasons was the Absolute worst year of my life & I am surprised I made it thru. However it also shaped & made me who I am today, which Im Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm leaning toward the latter tho. But kinda like someone else said, it lead to who I am & what I have today & im also grateful to have my own apartment.

 

[memento_mori]

2015/ 2016 was constantly being belittled and criticized at placement by crazy supervisor, failed suicide attempt and had to go to therapy, therapist was full of assumptions about me but at least I managed to strive through and get my license/ degree, though still had depression issues and mental breakdowns occasionally
late 2018/ 2019 thought my life was getting better but things made a complete turnaround. Job is meaningless, severe social isolation, no purpose in life, relationship issues etc. I guess partly it was because I've been avoiding/ pushing away people since my depression because I have to deal with thoughts in my mind/ planning to ctb, but now social isolation is further fueling my depression, talk about a vicious cycle

 

[freya]

2018 was terrible.i had my 14 year old cat put to sleep,she was my love and heart,that was the saddest day of my live.cant forget her face,look at me when she fell asleep.
then my lovely mother in law dies from cancer,at the age of 60,she was one of the kindest person i know.
some months later my grandmother died.it was terrible to see how much she suffers in the end.
cant handle all of this,drink too much alcohol,sleeping and dreaming is hard.it feels like i lost all i loved and a big part of my soul...

 

[ExitTheDay]

2018 was terrible.i had my 14 year old cat put to sleep,she was my love and heart,that was the saddest day of my live.cant forget her face,look at me when she fell asleep.
then my lovely mother in law dies from cancer,at the age of 60,she was one of the kindest person i know.
some months later my grandmother died.it was terrible to see how much she suffers in the end.
cant handle all of this,drink too much alcohol,sleeping and dreaming is hard.it feels like i lost all i loved and a big part of my soul...

It really does suck losing a pet, I lost my rottweiler Zeus in 2008 when I was 13 years old, I grew up with him ever since I was a baby, he was the most lovable dog I think I would ever have in my life, I still fucking cry over him today... I know hes still around though because I feel him sometimes whenever he pops into my mind...

 

[TheDarkness]

I don't know so far it's looking like this year or 2011 where the police got involved with my life very long story.
It seems like 2019 has been a year full of setbacks, disappointments, depression, sadness, family problems all around, friendship problems looking to come in with if anything a light but it's not really a light just a fleeting joy before we get back to our usually programming looking at our world potentially coming to a collapse.

 

[freya]

It really does suck losing a pet, I lost my rottweiler Zeus in 2008 when I was 13 years old, I grew up with him ever since I was a baby, he was the most lovable dog I think I would ever have in my life, I still fucking cry over him today... I know hes still around though because I feel him sometimes whenever he pops into my mind...

sorry for your lost :( it hurts so hard cause they are so much more than just a pet,for me more like a baby,best friend,they never hurt,never leave when feeling bad.when the doctor show me her tumor in the x ray photograph and says there is nothing we can do and have to put her asleep,i cant describe the feeling,it kills me.i have her in my arms as she becomes the injection,it was so horrible.then at home i must dig a hole und put her in the ground.the days after i must take lot of benzos cause i cant handle it.till now i cant look at pictures of her.and while i´m writing this i cry.maybe its stupid and many people dont understand so much pain cause of a lost pet but thats how i feel,cant change. :(

 

[Maksimka Ai]

2018(((((

 

[ExitTheDay]

sorry for your lost :( it hurts so hard cause they are so much more than just a pet,for me more like a baby,best friend,they never hurt,never leave when feeling bad.when the doctor show me her tumor in the x ray photograph and says there is nothing we can do and have to put her asleep,i cant describe the feeling,it kills me.i have her in my arms as she becomes the injection,it was so horrible.then at home i must dig a hole und put her in the ground.the days after i must take lot of benzos cause i cant handle it.till now i cant look at pictures of her.and while i´m writing this i cry.maybe its stupid and many people dont understand so much pain cause of a lost pet but thats how i feel,cant change. :(

I'm so sorry to hear that, he also died of cancer aswell, I was going on a family trip at the time being they put him to sleep... the morning we left for the trip I noticed he was so weak and frail, he couldn't even lift up his head to give me any goodbye kisses before I left, needless to say the trip was already ruined right then and there for me and was a depressed fucking shell the whole time, when my aunt went to the house to check up on him his gums were pitch blue and he was just sitting there, full of emptiness, he wasn't the dog he normally was... we got a phone call later that day that he was put to sleep and that's when I lost it, I lost myself... I lost my best friend that day...

 

[Weems]

I really wrecked my life in 2009 and 2010 when I quit college wrestling, bit off way more than I could chew academically, and crashed my education.

2018 saw a full-blown psychosis where I "found God" and said volumes of weird and offensive things to friends and family (and work folks!) while manic.

2019 is worst because that's when I snapped out of the recent delusions and really saw how badly I fucked up 10 years ago. I would break down in fits of horrified regret. I'm turning 30. I was supposed to have graduated eight years ago. I have isolated myself more and more over the years until now I live a solitary life. What did I do with my opportunities? Please let this not be real!

 

[freya]

I'm so sorry to hear that, he also died of cancer aswell, I was going on a family trip at the time being they put him to sleep... the morning we left for the trip I noticed he was so weak and frail, he couldn't even lift up his head to give me any goodbye kisses before I left, needless to say the trip was already ruined right then and there for me and was a depressed fucking shell the whole time, when my aunt went to the house to check up on him his gums were pitch blue and he was just sitting there, full of emptiness, he wasn't the dog he normally was... we got a phone call later that day that he was put to sleep and that's when I lost it, I lost myself... I lost my best friend that day...

its the last proof of love to let them go when they suffer, even it it breaks your heart :(

 

[kolski]

2019's been pretty shit so far. Though 2010 probably tops that..

 

[noonetoo]

Literally every year there has always been something wrong.
top worst was 2000: my stepdad started hurting me.

 

[deathenvoy]

2017 - I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years and I had my first suicide attempt. It was half assed attempt without proper research on methods. 2 years later things are even worse and I have my meto&N ready. I will CTB probably in 2 months.

 

[Empty Smile]

Despite suffering from my depression for the last 30+ years, 2014 is my worst. That was the year my gf was killed.

I never thought anything could bring me to my knees, or to the lowest point in my life. But that did.....

 

[AutumnEmbers]

Things have more or less gotten worse for me with every passing year since I was 11. That was when the bullying got bad, mental illness kicked in, and my subsequent inability to cope with life began. I went on to make one mistake after another, and my mental illness became progressively worse, culminating in me dropping out of university (several years ago) at the beginning of my final year. Despite all this, I somehow managed to delude myself (in between my bouts of MDD) into believing that I would find a way to turn things around and make up for all my years of loserdom. It was only in November of last year that I fully woke up to the true hopelessness of my situation, which caused me to go spiraling into a desperately suicidal state. I remained in this state up until a couple of months ago, when I started to come to 'peace' (and I use that word very loosely) with the realisation that my life will never be worth living, and that my only real option is to ctb. So, to finally get to the point, the period between late 2018 and early 2019 was the worst for me.

 

[patati157]

2018

I really wrecked my life in 2009 and 2010 when I quit college wrestling, bit off way more than I could chew academically, and crashed my education.

2018 saw a full-blown psychosis where I "found God" and said volumes of weird and offensive things to friends and family (and work folks!) while manic.

2019 is worst because that's when I snapped out of the recent delusions and really saw how badly I fucked up 10 years ago. I would break down in fits of horrified regret. I'm turning 30. I was supposed to have graduated eight years ago. I have isolated myself more and more over the years until now I live a solitary life. What did I do with my opportunities? Please let this not be real!

I also had this "I found god" maniac attack ! Did you do any drugs? For me it was LSD, hash, MDMA, vodka and redbull combined that triggered the attack.
It was very offensive to my family as I thought they wanted to kill me because "I found god" lol.

 

[Jessica5]

2008: failed ctb attempt taking opioids, tons of benzos, etc resulting in a coma for 3 months. I was pronounced dead and resuscitated. My husband left me less than a month after we were married, filed annulment papers while I was in the hospital.

I hate to be rude, but I have a hard time believing anybody who says they were pronounced dead. While it can often be hard for doctors to tell if somebody is dead or alive, they won't pronounce a person dead if they think there's even a 0.1% chance that they're actually dead.

There are only 38 cases where a person who has been pronounced dead has turned out to be alive, according to wiki. I'm a little suspicious whenever somebody claims to be from a group of 38 people in the world.