When I was younger I thought Angela Merkel was my role model. Lol. Now I really dislike her. Her economic policies were heartless and I hate her stance on asssisted suicide. When I was younger I thought Immanuel Kant was my role model. Yeah I also changed my mind on him. I like his golden rule but I am just too naive in treating my enemies in such a nice way. I feel too naive. Moreover his stance on suicide is also not good in my consideration.
I compare myself a lot with David Foster Wallace but I am not sure whether the term role model is fitting. I can rather relate to his pain. I really admire how much he fighted against his desire to die. I think he also felt like he could not win the fight but he still tried his best. I can very much relate to those people. I think one should try to avoid committing suicide if possible. I like it when people try to fight against the odds. I try to see this as an admirable trait. Adam Maier Clayton also tried as much as possbile to avoid his suicide. These people still committed suicide. Though this is not the reason why I might consider them as role models. It is rather this valiant fight despite the feeling of existential hopelessness. I am in the same situation. I feel like my suicide is unavoidable but I feel like I have the obligation to do my best to avoid the worst. I feel very hopeless and desperate. But there is even a little source for energy in this feeling. In this notion I am already dead I don't have much to lose. Though this is not really a fully rational thought because it can always get worse.
Other admirable traits are for me for example puritanic work ethics. I am also very disciplined and I like ascetism sometimes. I like knowing huge amounts of technical terms another reason why I like DFW.
I try to be a role model. As I said fighting against the odds. In some way it is heroic to fight despite one is convinced one cannot win. I wish life would reward me for my struggle. But life is often not fair. I try to get my energy from metaphysical formulas/ ethical principles. Though I think I have done enough in case I hit rock bottom once again. I can't endure that life keeps spitting in my face. I don't want to blame me in case I am so cornered so that I ctb. I think I can't survive another severely depressive epsiode with extreme psychosomatic pain. I have reached my limits. I try my best to avoid the worst case. But I have the feeling my situation is so hopeless and I barely make progress to solve my core problems.
I compare myself a lot with David Foster Wallace but I am not sure whether the term role model is fitting. I can rather relate to his pain. I really admire how much he fighted against his desire to die. I think he also felt like he could not win the fight but he still tried his best. I can very much relate to those people. I think one should try to avoid committing suicide if possible. I like it when people try to fight against the odds. I try to see this as an admirable trait. Adam Maier Clayton also tried as much as possbile to avoid his suicide. These people still committed suicide. Though this is not the reason why I might consider them as role models. It is rather this valiant fight despite the feeling of existential hopelessness. I am in the same situation. I feel like my suicide is unavoidable but I feel like I have the obligation to do my best to avoid the worst. I feel very hopeless and desperate. But there is even a little source for energy in this feeling. In this notion I am already dead I don't have much to lose. Though this is not really a fully rational thought because it can always get worse.
Other admirable traits are for me for example puritanic work ethics. I am also very disciplined and I like ascetism sometimes. I like knowing huge amounts of technical terms another reason why I like DFW.
I try to be a role model. As I said fighting against the odds. In some way it is heroic to fight despite one is convinced one cannot win. I wish life would reward me for my struggle. But life is often not fair. I try to get my energy from metaphysical formulas/ ethical principles. Though I think I have done enough in case I hit rock bottom once again. I can't endure that life keeps spitting in my face. I don't want to blame me in case I am so cornered so that I ctb. I think I can't survive another severely depressive epsiode with extreme psychosomatic pain. I have reached my limits. I try my best to avoid the worst case. But I have the feeling my situation is so hopeless and I barely make progress to solve my core problems.
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