Discussion Where does apathy play into all this?

[Toptock]

I'm indifferent toward everything in my life, including my failures, so I'm not entirely sure I"m even in the correct mindset to ctb. I've been noticing this more lately. I had to drop out of school due to money, that should've hurt but I felt quite literally nothing over it. Even still, thinking about how I'll never get a degree or a substantial job just makes me feel empty, not guilty or shameful but empty. It's like my mind recognizes there's a slot for a feeling, but it can't locate the file for it.

I'm confident this is just generalized apathy but I'm wondering, are there those of you out there planning on ctb, but feeling kinda just "NULL" toward it? I even think about how my family might react, the idea of my parents sobbing over my grave does nothing to me at all. Am I just an asshole? I don't want to be.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I even think about how my family might react, the idea of my parents sobbing over my grave does nothing to me at all. Am I just an asshole?

You're probably not an asshole, it seems that you're just severely depressed. Most people associate depression with sadness, because saying "I feel depressed" means you're profoundly sad. But actual depression is more about constant tiredness and apathy, sometimes to the extreme. Of course, I am no psychiatrist, and I can't diagnose you by looking at one post, but to me it sounds pretty probable that you have a severe case of depression and that's what makes you indifferent to everything.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You're probably not an asshole, it seems that you're just severely depressed. Most people associate depression with sadness, because saying "I feel depressed" means you're profoundly sad. But actual depression is more about constant tiredness and apathy, sometimes to the extreme. Of course, I am no psychiatrist, and I can't diagnose you by looking at one post, but to me it sounds pretty probable that you have a severe case of depression and that's what makes you indifferent to everything.

i know when im having my worse days i dont care about much. which is kinda scary because sometimes i have the mindset of "what are they gonna do, im suicidal ill just kill myself" so yeah im going to have to second what @Nessie said

 

[Toptock]

Ok, I should've taken into account that my original post wasn't very explanatory, but I truly appreciate your help regardless. Even just the acknowledgement helps. Maybe a new hobby would offset that.
Thank you both :)