When you've been trapped in a cycle of self sabotage, what did other people say that managed to distract you?

[Imissyoumydarling]

Please reply quickly. In about six hours I need to see a loved one who is trapped in a cycle and refusing to listen to anyone (they're not suicidal, I'm the suicidal one, and helping this person is the only thing I have left before I CTB. This is vital to me).

I'm going to do my best to try distract then. But they've been extremely stressed from work, relationships and their living situation so those topics are off limits. I can't ask how they are. I can't say anything at all about their mood without them closing off.
I could try talk about their hobbies but that topic is overdone.
I think the best I can do right now is fake being bright and excited and only talk about things relevant to today and the here and now. The past and future will make them close off I believe. I have an infectious personality so I'm hoping that by being bright, they'll feel lighter.

What I want to know though - what are your personal stories of someone making you feel better (even for a few minutes). Was it a hug? Was it a specific question no one else has asked? Was there an epiphany?

Any suggestions or anecdotes are appreciated, no matter how specific they are. Please.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Pets? Asking for help with something in their area of expertise?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I think that sometimes the presence of another person is enough to help. To feel that we're not alone.

I understand that those topics are sensitive and that she/he doesn't want to talk about it because those topics are probably already recurring thoughts in her/his head and by talking it gets even worse. We often want to forget or avoid thinking about what is troubling us.

So what I advise is that you simply offer your company. Give a hug if you feel comfortable with it. And talk only about trivial things. Make the person feel that she/he has your support and that she/he isn't alone.

Btw, I find it very remarkable that even though you're also going through a bad time in your life and yourself aren't well, you still go and help someone else.

We need more people like that in this world, it wouldn't be such a sad world.

 

[rationaltake]

Things I appreciated someone saying to me.

It's always good to see you.
There's nobody like you.
We don't have to pretend.
We understand each other.
You're an amazing friend.

But obviously that's me. I hope it goes well. I feel it helps to project good vibes. And to give them your full attention.

All the best.

 

[Al Cappella]

In a word nothing. If I'm not ready to hear, short of saying "you've just won a million dollars!" nothing is likely to work. Depends on the relationship, too. If it's a partner, getting naked can potentially work. Awkward if you're just friends. What does sometimes help is just listening, and asking what they need.

 

[Imissyoumydarling]

Thank you.

This person I'm seeing in two hours is the only reason I'm keeping myself alive.

If today fails, I'm catching the bus. I have literally no other reason to live, no future, nothing. It's non-negotiable.
Of course, I'm not letting them know this because I don't want them to feel guilty, or for anyone to have warning to lock me up.

Scared to say anything supportive because he'll get rid of me and close off.
Scared if I'm not supportive he won't see the point in breaking free of his head.
But I know if I'm too personal or emotive then he'll try get rid of me.
Scared if I try hug him he'll get rid of me.

It's terrifying watching someone trap themselves and self sabotage.

I think I only have two options. Try have my personality be infectious. I'm going to time my meds so I'm calm. Today is going to be the biggest act of my life. But I know I have a disarming smile.
And the other is to partially lie and say that I have some coping mechanism arriving in a couple weeks (my SN). But I won't make it sound like suicide. I'll make it sound like a therapy appointment or something. I think, I hope, I might be able to convince him to be fake-kind to me for just two more weeks. The last fake hope spot of my life.

Then when my SN arrives I can just drink it. I won't have to worry about spending weeks suffering and unloved. I can just drink it straight after he gets rid of me.

 

[Imissyoumydarling]

I failed.

I will be killing myself as soon as I can.

 

[rationaltake]

I am so sorry. I've really got to like you on here. I can't imagine how you're feeling now. I'm finished myself.

 

[Imissyoumydarling]

I am so sorry. I've really got to like you on here. I can't imagine how you're feeling now. I'm finished myself.

I like you heaps too. You've been so supportive and lovely.

Do me a favour and be the designated ghost-meeting house if I go before you :)

I'll come say hi.

Then when/if it's your time. Pass the ghost hosting duties on to someone else.

Perhaps it can be a tradition on this site so no one ever has to CTB while feeling alone.

Love you.

Savannah.

 

[rationaltake]

I like you heaps too. You've been so supportive and lovely.

Do me a favour and be the designated ghost-meeting house if I go before you :)

I'll come say hi.

Then when/if it's your time. Pass the ghost hosting duties on to someone else.

Perhaps it can be a tradition on this site so no one ever has to CTB while feeling alone.

Love you.

Savannah.

Done. You're ghostly self will be warmly welcomed at mine.

And that will be an amazing tradition. We'll all have somewhere welcoming to focus on as we pass.

Love you too

K