I'm pretty amazed I've survived this tedious, long weekend (it's a three-day Bank Holiday weekend here in the UK). I've felt so low, so unwell, so mentally exhausted and so gut-wrenchingly alone. It's a few days away from being 18 months since I've seen a soul or anyone has wanted to see me. I'm planning on CTB by SN - I've got the SN itself, the acid-reducers, just waiting for the delivery of the antiemetics. But I have been so tempted to do it this weekend - so very tempted. But of course I'm scared, so I'd rather try to make the process as painless as possible, and I know the antiemetics will help that a lot. But hell, it's difficult waiting for them to finally turn up. (I'd like to use benzos too, but I have *absolutely no idea* what I'd be getting there, so I'm holding off those if I can).
But yeah, just lying in bed wishing that life would take me naturally, if it could. Not wanting to be here a moment longer.
But yeah, just lying in bed wishing that life would take me naturally, if it could. Not wanting to be here a moment longer.
