When you're planning to ctb in less than 2 weeks and you get this message

[p7o7p7e]

._. .-. ._. = me right now

I'm not posting this to "flex" or whatever I just want thoughts. Am I an asshole for wanting to ctb when there's people that give a shit about me in this world. I don't even know anymore...

 

[pole]

thats so fricken cute.. jesus; i wish i had that lol. no ur not an asshole for wanting to ctb still; even those that have so much to be happy about and for still feel the saddest and emptiest.

question is, how does this make you feel and affect you? To be and feel wanted, loved, etc. does this give you doubts in ctbing and wanting to live? it would make me reconsider for sure, but thats me man.

hope you find peace.

 

[deathwish]

Idt wanting to die even when there's people who care automatically makes you an asshole. It's, coldly, a scale..... which is greater.....: your value of their caring versus your desire to die. Something to think very hard on. Congrats on the message. c:

 

[p7o7p7e]

thats so fricken cute.. jesus; i wish i had that lol. no ur not an asshole for wanting to ctb still; even those that have so much to be happy about and for still feel the saddest and emptiest.

question is, how does this make you feel and affect you? To be and feel wanted, loved, etc. does this give you doubts in ctbing and wanting to live? it would make me reconsider for sure, but thats me man.

hope you find peace.

See the thing is no matter how loved or how much i'm worth or whatever it is I feel like i'll never find peace or whatever it is i'm looking for in this life. Of course it gives me doubts but as selfish as it might seem i'm living for myself, not others at the end of the day so that's how I see it at least. Also thank you!

Idt wanting to die even when there's people who care automatically makes you an asshole. It's, coldly, a scale..... which is greater.....: your value of their caring versus your desire to die. Something to think very hard on. Congrats on the message. c:

Yeah it's a tough position for sure, but thank you!

 

[BipolarExpat]

Those kinds of things always seem timed/planned by unknown forces...

I don't know if it makes it harder or not because I've never been without loving/supportive people around me. (Not often physically around me but consistently reaching out).

My wife writes similar notes to me somewhat regularly. They always sting. She's so forgiving, understanding, easy and loving.

Friends I have also realize when I'm isolating and write touching proclamations about how good of a friend I've been, etc.

Family is one holiday/b-day to another. Always positive, always loving.

Not one of them will ever really get it. They just have no direct experience.

My wife tho...while she would never accept ctb as a plan, she would understand. Still be crushed and maybe more tempted herself...but she's experienced painful depths and has considered it before.

 

[p7o7p7e]

Those kinds of things always seem timed/planned by unknown forces...

I don't know if it makes it harder or not because I've never been without loving/supportive people around me. (Not often physically around me but consistently reaching out).

My wife writes similar notes to me somewhat regularly. They always sting. She's so forgiving, understanding, easy and loving.

Friends I have also realize when I'm isolating and write touching proclamations about how good of a friend I've been, etc.

Family is one holiday/b-day to another. Always positive, always loving.

Not one of them will ever really get it. They just have no direct experience.

My wife tho...while she would never accept ctb as a plan, she would understand. Still be crushed and maybe more tempted herself...but she's experienced painful depths and has considered it before.

Yea the timing is crazy, especially when I consider that I was seriously planning on ctb-ing the time that I met this girl but this desolation and misery inside of me is too strong which makes it hurt even more with caring people like this in my life, all the best to you ☁

 

[BipolarExpat]

And to you.

Thank you

It's really tough any way you slice it. I feel for those without supportive people but again...would it be easier w/o them around? I guess that's why people isolate...

 

[p7o7p7e]

And to you.

Thank you

It's really tough any way you slice it. I feel for those without supportive people but again...would it be easier w/o them around? I guess that's why people isolate...

Yeah exactly, I think about that everyday...

Also thank you!

 

[Righttodie]

You didn't choose your pain irrespective of having people who care about you or not.
So, i dont think it makes you an asshole.

 

[notjustyetagain]

Am I an asshole for wanting to ctb when there's people that give a shit about me in this world. I don't even know anymore...

would you be an asshole for wanting to live if nobody gave a shit about you? how are you relating wanting to die with having people who want you to live? how much does it matter to and define you? i don't think there are any easy answers to these dilemmas unfortunately, but thank you on behalf of that person for improving their quality of life as much as you seemingly have.

the timing does seem cruel for what it's worth, i feel for you. best wishes.

 

[Sweet emotion]

View attachment 15737

._. .-. ._. = me right now

I'm not posting this to "flex" or whatever I just want thoughts. Am I an asshole for wanting to ctb when there's people that give a shit about me in this world. I don't even know anymore...

So you never met her in person before?