Story When you know the monetary value of your life...

[Hollie]

So, I wasn't sure whether to put this in Suicide Discussion or Recovery, as it's a bit of venting but it's about recovery so here we are...

Backstory: I'm a transgender woman living in the UK and I struggle with suicoal thoughts every day..I've spent a long time trying to avoid things, but after a suicide attempt, I've been trying to fix things. I know that what I need to fix is to find a way to get Facial Feminisation Surgery. I started a GoFundMe but sadly it has not gone well. I've been writing to companies hoping for some donations but again this hasn't gone well. I asked the NHS for help but they refused on the grounds of "lack of exceptionality" - apparently wanting to kill yourself every day is not exceptional enough.

Currently, I am £17000 short of my traget and i just don't know what to do any more..I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place! My life is apparently isn't worth that £17000 to the NHS. In one direction I have recovery, but I need to overcome this huge obstacle and don't have the means; in the other direction, I just don't know that I can keep going like this, I just want to get out of this mess!!

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Exceptionality has two criteria you must meet. You must be benefit greatly from the treatment which if it were able to lift you suicidal ideation it would, and you must be significantly different from others with the condition, which unfortunately suicidal ideation is quite commonin trans people and this is why the NHS finds you to lack exceptionality. My suggestion to you would be to seek help from trans charities and seek out other trans women for advice on how you feel better about yourself before you are able to get any help. Makeup when expertly done can do wonders to what you look like so I suggest maybe look at some online tutorials and seek out the advice of makeup experts as well.

 

[Hollie]

Thank you for the advice. I have actually been to a place where they taught me makeup and unfortunately it's not enough. It's just one of those unfortunate things that no matter what i do, there's nothing that helps me feel any better. I forgot to mention in the first post that as a result of it, I don't leave the house and am unable to work. The catch 22 if I could work I could earn the money...

LIfe eh!?!

 

[Tackingintothewind]

How about remote work? Are you any good at arts and crafts. You could try selling these. Many places in the uk have Facebook groups in the local community where you can start selling things to build a reputation.

 

[Hollie]

How about remote work? Are you any good at arts and crafts. You could try selling these. Many places in the uk have Facebook groups in the local community where you can start selling things to build a reputation.

Im so broken down I can't bring myself to do anything unfortunately. Even stuff I used to love is just... For the last 3 years I've felt nothing, like just total emptiness. I don't sleep properly ever so I'm just constantly tired and just cannot function like I used to.

Edit: I was a web developer which was a job I could have done from home but as I say i just cannot do it any more

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Have you asked to go on mirtzapine? It a drug my doctor gives me if I say I need it, and the 15mg certainly helps me sleep. Though 30mg is the sweet spot for me. I need it to function at all.

 

[Hollie]

Have you asked to go on mirtzapine? It a drug my doctor gives me if I say I need it, and the 15mg certainly helps me sleep. Though 30mg is the sweet spot for me. I need it to function at all.

I will ask CMHT, thank you

Edit: turns out I've been on them before, they didn't help unfortunately

 

[Foresight]

Is the surgery one go or a series of surgeries? I'm wondering if you could get something done in the meantime with a smaller sum or if it's 17k or nothing.

I understand your dismay. While different circumstances, I have a facial deformity and have spent about 10k on procedures. I felt like I couldn't start my life until each procedure was performed. It's a very trapped feeling. I wish you well and I hope something comes along. Honestly I took the bad route at times and just maxed out credit cards. I don't know if that's an option.

 

[...]

God, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what it must be like to be let down by the state and our society so cruelly like that. The NHS was meant to be built on the basis that there was no price you could put on life and yet we couldn't be further from it today. To think the amount of money that's been spaffed on dodgey outsourcing deals in healthcare and yet 17k is too much for life changing treatment? Outrageous. The only thing I could think - if you haven't already - is raising the issue with your local MP and seeing whether they could pressure the NHS to reconsider?

 

[Hollie]

Is the surgery one go or a series of surgeries? I'm wondering if you could get something done in the meantime with a smaller sum or if it's 17k or nothing.

I understand your dismay. While different circumstances, I have a facial deformity and have spent about 10k on procedures. I felt like I couldn't start my life until each procedure was performed. It's a very trapped feeling. I wish you well and I hope something comes along. Honestly I took the bad route at times and just maxed out credit cards. I don't know if that's an option.

It's sort of one surgery with multiple aspects. I think it's all done at once to make sure all the stuff looks right together if that makes sense?

I would max our credit cards but I am not working and therefore have no line of credit :(

Are you UK based as well? What's frustrating is that I know of people who got nose jobs and breast enhancements on NHS because of anxiety... I just don't get the system, why it helps some and not others!

God, I am so sorry. I can't imagine what it must be like to be let down by the state and our society so cruelly like that. The NHS was meant to be built on the basis that there was no price you could put on life and yet we couldn't be further from it today. To think the amount of money that's been spaffed on dodgey outsourcing deals in healthcare and yet 17k is too much for life changing treatment? Outrageous. The only thing I could think - if you haven't already - is raising the issue with your local MP and seeing whether they could pressure the NHS to reconsider?

That's a thought for sure. I'm going to keep making a nuisance of myself and hopefully they'll reconsider. I don't know how much energy i have left to give but life is pointless without it so just gotta keep finding the will from somewhere...

 

[...]

I'm going to keep making a nuisance of myself and hopefully they'll reconsider

good, give them hell <3

 

[edu0z]

So, I wasn't sure whether to put this in Suicide Discussion or Recovery, as it's a bit of venting but it's about recovery so here we are...

Backstory: I'm a transgender woman living in the UK and I struggle with suicoal thoughts every day..I've spent a long time trying to avoid things, but after a suicide attempt, I've been trying to fix things. I know that what I need to fix is to find a way to get Facial Feminisation Surgery. I started a GoFundMe but sadly it has not gone well. I've been writing to companies hoping for some donations but again this hasn't gone well. I asked the NHS for help but they refused on the grounds of "lack of exceptionality" - apparently wanting to kill yourself every day is not exceptional enough.

Currently, I am £17000 short of my traget and i just don't know what to do any more..I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place! My life is apparently isn't worth that £17000 to the NHS. In one direction I have recovery, but I need to overcome this huge obstacle and don't have the means; in the other direction, I just don't know that I can keep going like this, I just want to get out of this mess!!

Be thankful that at least you live in a developed country where you can do the surgery if you get enough money... I know it is difficult, but at least possible. In the shitty country where I live there are not even aesthetic surgeons who are worth it because they all leave the country to work abroad. You can not have a surgery of that type or sex change even having the money since here the shitty health is "public and free", in other words... you have to stand in line for several years until it's your turn while you rot in a shitty body without being able to enjoy life. To then pray that whoever does the procedure that will define the rest of your life, is up in a good mood that morning and be experienced (in my country doctors have a shitty salary that is barely enough for them to live so they do not put much effort into doing their job well most of the time and being public health, you can't sue anyone for negligence, LONG LIVE SOCIALISM)... On top of that, you cannot leave the country either, since in this dictatorship we are all locked up to be born and die here, sacrificing our lives badly living for the state.

conclusion? I had to force myself from a very young age to be a man and be with girls in order to survive in school, because in this country homosexuality is very frowned upon... my family would never accept a gay son, much less understand that their son is actually a woman. I can't stand looking at myself and I go days without combing my hair or shaving so I don't have to see my disgusting face.

I know it's hard. But even if it is a small possibility, at least you have the hope of working and one day being able to do a quality surgery. That is, you are in one of the most developed countries in the world, imagine that you were born in a tribe of Africa... there the weak men are left to die to their fate.

I sincerely hope that one day you can, with or without surgery, feel good about yourself. I wish you the best.

 

[Hollie]

Be thankful that at least you live in a developed country where you can do the surgery if you get enough money... I know it is difficult, but at least possible. In the shitty country where I live there are not even aesthetic surgeons who are worth it because they all leave the country to work abroad. You can not have a surgery of that type or sex change even having the money since here the shitty health is "public and free", in other words... you have to stand in line for several years until it's your turn while you rot in a shitty body without being able to enjoy life. To then pray that whoever does the procedure that will define the rest of your life, is up in a good mood that morning and be experienced (in my country doctors have a shitty salary that is barely enough for them to live so they do not put much effort into doing their job well most of the time and being public health, you can't sue anyone for negligence, LONG LIVE SOCIALISM)... On top of that, you cannot leave the country either, since in this dictatorship we are all locked up to be born and die here, sacrificing our lives badly living for the state.

conclusion? I had to force myself from a very young age to be a man and be with girls in order to survive in school, because in this country homosexuality is very frowned upon... my family would never accept a gay son, much less understand that their son is actually a woman. I can't stand looking at myself and I go days without combing my hair or shaving so I don't have to see my disgusting face.

I know it's hard. But even if it is a small possibility, at least you have the hope of working and one day being able to do a quality surgery. That is, you are in one of the most developed countries in the world, imagine that you were born in a tribe of Africa... there the weak men are left to die to their fate.

I sincerely hope that one day you can, with or without surgery, feel good about yourself. I wish you the best.

That's terrible, I'm so sorry about your situation :( you deserve so much better!