Josuyo
No, I do not like life, take it away please
- Oct 17, 2021
- 92
This isn't to say that having possessions, or emotional connections, or any form of stability makes you immune from trauma or mental struggles but everyone who tries to tell me it'll get better or I just need to do this and that all have the things I so desperately want, a job, their own place to live, decent physical health, a partner, kids...I have none of those things. And I've tried very hard since I was very young to try and get good grades, to be an exceptional employee, to be a great friend an amazing partner but it all gets thrown back in my face. I'm told I'm not good enough, my physical disability repells people, both employers and friends.
I know I say it often. I'm working on a date still of when to do this. But I hope I can die soon. I'm so tired. I feel deep in my heart I know that not everyone gets the job, the house, the partner, a child, not everyone gets happiness. So I might as well stop my suffering and cease the endless struggle. The trawl of every day. I'm already having to sell out on my job aspirations because the industry I'd like to work in keeps rejecting me. I'm struggling to get into any entry level rolls either, like I have a degree but I seem to only qualify for minimum wage because that's just the disgusting way the system works. As a result I still live in a toxic and abusive environment because no minimum wage job could pay rent round here.
I still mourn every day my last failed attempt. I was so close, I wish I'd tied myself up or something. But it's no use now, I've just got to hope something will work.
I know I say it often. I'm working on a date still of when to do this. But I hope I can die soon. I'm so tired. I feel deep in my heart I know that not everyone gets the job, the house, the partner, a child, not everyone gets happiness. So I might as well stop my suffering and cease the endless struggle. The trawl of every day. I'm already having to sell out on my job aspirations because the industry I'd like to work in keeps rejecting me. I'm struggling to get into any entry level rolls either, like I have a degree but I seem to only qualify for minimum wage because that's just the disgusting way the system works. As a result I still live in a toxic and abusive environment because no minimum wage job could pay rent round here.
I still mourn every day my last failed attempt. I was so close, I wish I'd tied myself up or something. But it's no use now, I've just got to hope something will work.