Today I was a mess. Woke up apathetic and did nothing all day. I felt like I couldn't budge myself out of it. I could have but I was just it's more complicated than lazy. It's like I'm bitter that I have to do shit that I don't want to do. It did not help that I ate two edibles b4 bed probably lol!
Deafsn0w
I will buy you a dog if you like my posts
- Sep 4, 2018
- 2,488
Nothing worked for me. Death is the only way to escape.
I try forgetting about my life by immersing myself in fiction. It usually helps. But death is the only reasonable choice for me. Anything else is just a palliative.
I feel the same.
Death is my only escape from my suffering and anguish and bad emotions and feelings.
I just want to be at peace, feel nothing forever.
Like a sleep that never ends - and that is only death.
Suicideisnirvana
Specialist
- Aug 4, 2018
- 312
I can cope only as long as i'm confident in my ability to commit suicide soon, the moment this faith is shattered in anyway, shape or form, my ability to even go through the day is destroyed and every second becomes hell.
Wow, I don't think I have ever related to anything anyone said as much as I did when I read your post.
The moment I think I can commit suicide I feel relief and much better, and if I suddenly think that I will not have the courage to do it, I feel in hell again and want to cry.
Then when I feel fear from suicide and that I won't have courage I immediately think of all those who have committed suicide already and it gives me motivation and feeling that I can do it.
I have big anxiety attacks and oddly enough, try to go around people. I think it's the pathetic life force trying to find someone to save me. God, what a puss. Oh well, it all contributes to my grand self loathing so it's good.
"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."
- Nietzsche
Note: I can't remember whether or not that is a real quote...
... But that really doesn't matter for the purposes of this discussion, does it? I do what I'm doing now - I visit sites like this one, write notes that never seem to turn out right, look for ways "out" that seem effective in my current situation (wherever I am at the time).
The last house I lived in had an enclosed garage for CO poisoning and exposed beams in the semi-finished basement for partial suspension hanging. The current place doesn't even have trustworthy closet rods!
That's really neither here nor there, though.
Once I hit the 'zone of immediacy,' I am beyond the point of much help until it burns itself out or I die. When my early warning signs show, before I'm in any danger but while I'm still heavily depressed, I sometimes try to improve the weather in my head by indulging in small luxuries... Stuff like showing up waaaay overdressed to a cheap bar or making particularly tasty food so I at least eat once that day (seared duck breast is at least as easy as steak and twice as delicious, for example). Wine is good, in quantity, right up until it isn't.
- Nietzsche
Note: I can't remember whether or not that is a real quote...
... But that really doesn't matter for the purposes of this discussion, does it? I do what I'm doing now - I visit sites like this one, write notes that never seem to turn out right, look for ways "out" that seem effective in my current situation (wherever I am at the time).
The last house I lived in had an enclosed garage for CO poisoning and exposed beams in the semi-finished basement for partial suspension hanging. The current place doesn't even have trustworthy closet rods!
That's really neither here nor there, though.
Once I hit the 'zone of immediacy,' I am beyond the point of much help until it burns itself out or I die. When my early warning signs show, before I'm in any danger but while I'm still heavily depressed, I sometimes try to improve the weather in my head by indulging in small luxuries... Stuff like showing up waaaay overdressed to a cheap bar or making particularly tasty food so I at least eat once that day (seared duck breast is at least as easy as steak and twice as delicious, for example). Wine is good, in quantity, right up until it isn't.
BaconCheeseburger
Comfort-eating
- Aug 4, 2018
- 693
I sleep, or if I can't sleep I lie in bed and try to get cosy. Have no other ways of coping because I have no privacy to cut myself like I used to.
At work I overdose on meds. That buzz is enough of a distraction to get through a few hours until I can sleep.
At work I overdose on meds. That buzz is enough of a distraction to get through a few hours until I can sleep.
your pathologist
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Sep 5, 2018
- 519
My thoughts are inescapable. There is nothing to distract me. I only have the tv which i don't look at anymore just put it on for the sound, and my phone, which im always here. No school or job so, no friends or leaving the house so... why am I still here
No Future
No One
- Aug 6, 2018
- 96
I attack it head on.
I'll make a decent meal, exercise, walk the dog, clean, take out the trash, make the bed or otherwise anything else required to make myself and my environment less of a wallowing mess. Perpetual negativity bores me, I'd sooner end it, one way or another, than sit in it wondering what will change.
Giving yourself full license and opportunity to stew in turmoil doesn't solve anything, and stops you from being rational. I can be suicidal and productive. Being proactive keeps me moderately sane, and stops me making more shit decisions.
I'll make a decent meal, exercise, walk the dog, clean, take out the trash, make the bed or otherwise anything else required to make myself and my environment less of a wallowing mess. Perpetual negativity bores me, I'd sooner end it, one way or another, than sit in it wondering what will change.
Giving yourself full license and opportunity to stew in turmoil doesn't solve anything, and stops you from being rational. I can be suicidal and productive. Being proactive keeps me moderately sane, and stops me making more shit decisions.
throwaway777
一人、部屋で、独り。
- Oct 3, 2018
- 641
when i get suicidal, there's no way i can cope with that ...how could i resist the only thing that conforts me ...
I feel the same way.
When I feel really bad I tend to chain-watch youtube videos to try and keep my mind off it.
