When they stay together for the kids

[permanently tired]

I recognized my depression three years ago when I used a flimsy plastic bag in a futile attempt.

I grew up in a superficial marriage. My parents' relationship deteriorated long before I even came in the picture. They kept to themselves or had explosive outbursts. My mother and father married within a week of dating. She was young and blinded by seeming charms. They each tried to provide and nurture me in ways they could. Individually, I would say they are great people. My father is willing to drop everything to help someone. He recently retired, but during my upbringing he was often at work or sleeping when he was home. His absence is no fault of anyone except the declining society we tolerate that breeds poor circumstance. I don't know if his absence is the reason, but during an ambiguous depressive period I became extremely insecure and felt like some subservient excuse of a man. I just feel unable to do anything despite being born into better conditions than a lot of people. My mother only wanted me to grow up one day and be able to take care of myself. She tried so hard oftentimes it ended up hurting me. Although she taught me uncountable things, it pressured me to deny my weaknesses. I would explode anytime she tried to criticize me despite her benevolent intentions. She would sacrifice anything for me, yet I can't speak my mind to her. I'm not afraid to leave people behind or what they might feel after I'm gone. It might be that I have never seen anyone in my family confide in each other. My parents have each spoken to me about how they want to divorce the other. They both say the other would be unwilling. Frankly, I cannot care anymore. There are probably other instances I've neglected to mention.

It's easy for me to be appear happy or be happy for a short period. What I didn't have at home I made up for in my social life. I conversed to anyone, I'm easy to get along with for most people. In a sense I'm only happy when I'm talking to someone as I not thinking of depressing thoughts. Intitally, this extroversion can be very comfortable to people and helped me form friendships which I could use to forget about any deficts in my personal life. I've spent my whole life suppressing everything and now I realize how empty it all is.

TLDR: staying for the kids doesn't do shit

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I just don't understand why so many people with shit lives, including my own parents, keep having children.

 

[Labyrinth]

I had to act as a human shield during my parents' couples' fights, trying to calm the situation and prevent their tantrums from culminating in murder. Unfortunately, children inherit the psychological disorders of their parents.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

If parents can't even save or help themselves, idk why they imagine they can help other people. Especially considering their own kids. If my parents were living the lives they wanted were happy, like truly content and satisfied, I think I'd receive more support from them mentally and I would love them more. But nah, they keep each other on a short leash and force themselves to be miserable. It rubs off on myself and my siblings. If they just split, I think I'd be off of this board soon enough.

 

[rozeske]

The sad part in all this is most of the times kids in the middle are used as a punching bag. I never understand people that abuse and blame their child calling them the doughter/son of that evil. Weren't you the one that choose that person to be the parent of your child in the first place before the said child even joined this world? How could that child be at fault in any way? If any thing they are the ones that needs to be blamed! I just never understand it!

 

[mortuarymary]

If you're fucked, don't have kids. Simples